Puck — December 18, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. PUCK. No. 13 North William Street, New York. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEA! SPECIAL NOTICES. auntie tree iste ENRY F. GY CO, 449, Strand, Charing Cross, an at THE WILLMER & ROGERS NEWS COMPANY, 12, Bou- verie Street, (Fleet Street). Americans m Paris, hitherto reduced to ‘¢Pun nd “ghey wil wow find ther natural paper on fle at the , 49 Avenve de I'Opéra. ‘We cannot undertake to return rejected communications, and ‘to this rule we can make no exception. par Remitances by Money Order, et. are to be ad to Kerrier & SCHWARZMAS! ‘ga Our advertising friends are only required to pay bills presented on the billheads of Puck, with out stamp nermessap thereon. KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN: CONTEITS. American Citizenship, Poet and Plagiarist. Saints of the Shrievaity. Mrs. Bridget Maloney Honored rxanincs. Frrexoonts wAnmnvcaLXVIUL Puck's Tribulations, The Pleasures o€ Photography Canadian Court. ~itles, Whac Goeth on at Prevent. | Pocx’s Easewruat On ov Cow- Double Negative —poem.— | cxass amp Respectfully Referred to. H. Riten. james R. Campbell Smiiey’s Ice Man.—Maurice W. . 2. Puck Does His Duty. He Laughs Who Wins.—A| ‘Ihe Thextres, ‘Leap for Life—illus. Avswans rox Tie Avexious. Pork—poem.— R. K, Munkit-| A Romance over Whitebait, trick. yex's EXCHANGES. AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP. KN those old times when the athletic native of the banks of the Tiber used to raise his voice and his biceps, ejaculating that he was a ‘Roman citizen!”—Citizenship carried with it a distinct and understood value. In these degenerate days, however, it seems dif- ficult to ascertain whereiu lies the value of American citizenship, unless it be the privilege it gives you of voting for the wrong man, and of getting a few free drinks about election time. We have two kinds of citizens: the natives who can’t help themselves; and the naturalized who become citizens by preference. Surely we ought to treat these latter with every cour- tesy for the compliment they pay us of pitching overboard the allegiance due their native land and swearing fealty to the Bird of Freedom. And yet, if the news we hear from Germany be correct, a certificate of American naturalization is of about as much protective value asa piece of blank paper. In the vigorous days of the Republic an American citizen was an American citizen all over the world; sustained and pro- tected by the full power of the Government. To-day, well, to-day; an American citizen can exercise his citizenship at the polls, and during the balance of the time he can take care of himself. But if he be a naturalized citizen, let him beware in case he re-visits the land of his birth. He-may fondly suppose that the A&gis of Liberty is continually hovering over him, much after the manner of the typical Guardian Angel; that American Ministers, Chargés-d’af- faires, Consuls, etc. are put in position to aid and comfort Americans abroad. Bless your naturalized heart! Get yourself into a little controversy with any foreign State, and see what your American Minister will do for you— unless you are a boss-pol n at home, ‘The fact is, American citizenship is running very low, just now. To give it a lift, would it not be well for the Government to guarantee, specifically, protection on all naturalization rs; and, furthermore, to recall the useless Runkies in foreign missions, and conduct our |. diplomatic business by telephone? SAINTS OF THE SHRIEVALTY. Ew York has several nice b'hoys whom it employs as Sheriff, County Clerk and Register. They never sought for the positions; but what were they to do when the people insisted on their accepting the of- fices?_ Wiping away a tear, and with a heavy sigh, they undertook the onerous duties. “For,” said they, ‘‘ the interests of the city and county are paramount. It’s a dreadful sacrifice, but we'll do it.” And they've been doing it ever since. We ai indebted to the Bar Association for calling the public attention to the hopelessly destitute condition of these individuals and their satellites, owing to such unprecedented unselfish action. It is really lamentable to think of the terri- ble treatment to which these lamb-like and long-suffering officials are subjected. How they manage to live on the miserable pittances they receive is a mystery. The law gives them no relief. For instance, although that cumbrous order of things permits them to charge thirty- seven and a half cents for a bail-bond, yet they are obliged to have forced on them more than thirty times that amount—$11.75. Major Quincy, one of the Sheriff's holy men, says that even this dcesn’t pay him, poor fellow—although we're almost inclined to say: so much the better if it doesn’t. He may actu- ally have to resign, and another salaried Order of Arrests man reign in his stead who won't have to distress himself about fees. ‘he same remarks apply to His Holiness the Sheriff and the elegant gentleman who adorn his office as deputies, whom nothing will induce to accept more than is their due—although what that is is usually an unknown quantity. In a judgment for $100, if they can get but $90 to ‘“divvy,” they are not perfectly happy. ‘hen how they weep for the sorrows of humanity—but the subject is too painful to dwell on, Yes, even the County Clerk and Register are willing to endure similar martyrdom from pa- triotic and religious motives, although that meddlesome Bar Association offers to adminis- ter relief in some form or other, to which Mis- ther Comptroller Kelly, who has already begun to make elaborate preparations for future can- onization at the turn of the next century, strongly objects. THANKS; BUT CAN'T. Puck has made effective fun of the detec- tives who have not found Mr. Stewart's body. Now let our humorous contemporary—which is no respecter of persons and is wholly unem- batrassed by any weak tenderness for sham and fraud which happen to be conventional and venerable—direct its attention to another kind of detectives, who are not any brighter and are a good deal meaner. We refer to the federal special agents who have just illustrated their lack of skill and decency in pretending to unravel the mystery of the Hot Springs legislation. —£vg. Post, We thank our Particularly Esteemed Con- temporary for the politely offered suggestion, on which we should certainly have acted, had we thought the matter of sufficient general importance to justify our troubling the waters with a cartoon. But the “federal special agents” are so constantly getting themselves in- to hot water that their plunges into the calorific element have got to be expected as a mere matter of course. Puck is never short of shams-and frauds to perforate with his pen and pencil. In fact, he suffers from an embarras de richesses, in this line, and he is very well content to leave a fair share of them to the able scalping-knife of his friend the Post. Pucksrings, Cc? A “BRACING” AIR—That of the man who approaches you to request a loan. TALMAGE says they all Dewitt! Tuey are going to build a railroad up Mt. Vesuvius. We suppose it lava double-track, Question to be asked of a man in the Rogues Gallery: Are you often taken that way Lorne's little evening-dress show might well have been called the “Canadian Low-Necksi- ition.” _ No man can walk, barefooted, in a straight line acros-a newly-carpeted room.. He must take a tack. “(HIGH-HEELED boots are much worn this win- ter."— Express. Wrorg again; it’s the low heeled boots that are worn. Now soon a small speech of much faith Charles Augustus will make, saying: “ With Maud Ann Arabella, Thith here’th an umbrella That wath built to your order by Smith.” SENATOR Biaine, don’t pose as an orator, and revive dead issues and howl because you think your party isn’t as strong as it ought to be—but deserve well of your country by initiat- ing useful legislation and forgetting that there is any difference between a Democrat and Re- publican, and then—well— 1880. A Few days ago the reigning star of the Brooklyn stage received through the medium of a medium the following communication: “Dear TaLmace: Am delighted to find that my mantle has fallen upon such worthy shoul- ders. Chalk your face and you'll be simply perfect. Geo. L. Fox.” 22—collect $5.00 Ir is confidently asserted that Schell lost his own district in the late election by keeping a dozen of his most influential constituents wait- ing in the barbershop one Sunday morning while he got, in addition to his shave, a hair- cut and a shampoo. Public men should be careful how they trifle with the best feelings of those upon whose suffrages they rely. Ir your girl gazes intently at your feet about this time, don’t grow nervous and draw them up under your chair, nor think that she is amused at their immensity. She is only taking a mental measure of them, and on New Year's she'll sur- prise you with a gorgeous pair of slippers, deco- rated with a bunch of embroidered green tulips, or a blue canary with a yellow tail. Governor-GENERAL Lorne is said to have informed the Hera/d Nuncio that he was inter- ested in that journal. If the Marquis wishes to retain his regard, Puck would strongly re- commend to his perusal the next Sunday edition (decuple sheet) especially the medical, astrolo- gical, personal and matrimonial advertisement columns, and the ‘Chat by the Way,” on the religious page. The interest will then surely blossom into admiration. NOTICE. No. 9 (issue of May 7th, 1877), No. 14 (issue of Fune athe 1877), & No. 20 isine of Siplember’ sth, i877), No. 56 (issue of April 3rd 1878) of Puck” will bought at this ofice, No. 13 North William Street, at full price, comicbooks.com