Puck — December 11, 1878 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. EDISON!!!! MHE GREATEST INVENTION YER. MACHINE FOR PROMOTING COMBUSTION. THE POKER-PYROSTAT. PUCK AT MENLO PARK. Scarcety has society recovered its equani- mity after the extraordinary state of excitement in which it had been thrown by Mr. Edison’s wonderful discovery with regard to the un- linited division of the electric light, which has happily sealed the fate of the tyrannical gas- companies, when civilization is once more on its beam ends through another startling inven- tion of Mr. Edison, which puts the electric light, the phonograph, the quadruplex telegraph instrument, and the telephone, completely in the shade, Before we proceed to describe this last and greatest outcome of Mr. Edison’s god-like brain, it may not be out of place to consider when this sort of thing is to stop. What is to become of us poor mortals, and the world generally, if Mr. Edison is to be permitted to go on thus recklessly inventing with impunity? No one can tell what a day may bring forth. How do we know that we may not wake up one fine morning to find our globe being dragged through space by powerful electric motors and urging on its wild career towards the milky way, only to come to an anchor in the neigh- borhood of Sirius or Mars’ moons? What is there to prevent Edison from sweeping sud- denly off the face of the earth John Kelly and our dearly beloved Tammany, or disseminating by some electric device the demon of efficiency among our much maligned police and street- cleaning commissioners?. The subject is really too horrible to contemplate. At any rate, some- thing must be done—and we call upon Congress to take the question into consideration without a moment's delay, as to whether society is jus- tified in allowing this Electricster Edison to live, But then, who could kill him? We are quite sure we couldn’t. So we pause for a reply. THE PoKer-PyRostat. A Puck reporter was dispatched to interview the magician respecting the Poker-Pyrostat. It was seven o'clock in the evening and quite dark when the train rolled out of the dépét for Menlo Park. Suddenly it became lighter than noon- day, although it was only two miles from Jersey City. The Puck man for the moment felt puzzled, when he recollected that the electric light was in full operation, and that its effulgent rays threw, as it were, daylight within a radius of thirty miles:of: Menlo, This premature brightness seemed to bother the birds, many of them, after getting up, being much chagrined at finding no early worms about. By the way, the Sun Caot Dana's) has yet to be heard from, and it is rumored that the great luminary will employ Ben Butler to move for an injunction on Edison’s light, on the ground that it is an infringement on his patent-rights, and a base attempt to bring the light which he has distri- buted so liberally for years into disfavor. On arriving at Menlo the Puck reporter was instantly clectro-pneumaticked into Mr. Edi- son’s office. This apartment has been so often de- scribed that it would be a matter of supereroga- tion to particularize its features, After tenderly embracing the Puck man, Mr. Edison said: “Come into the sub-cellar, it’s too light here.” We followed him to the rather damp cellar, and it was quite a relief from the brilliancy on the surface. Edison lit a tallow-candle, and then expressed his readiness to talk. ‘I guess ou want to know something about the Poker- yrostat,”” he remarked, as he took off his trousers to pick his teeth with, at the same time putting one of his boots on his head for a hat, and abstractedly chewing a piece of 2-inch bar-iron. “ Well, the thing is simple enough, although I’ve had to experimentalize like the very devil to bring it to perfection. But I've done it. ‘The difficulty, you see, was in the handle. Every- body knows what a coal-fire is, and how badly it usually burns. Now that trouble is at an end with my Poker-Pyrostat. It can be constructed of almost any material, but tempered steel is the mostsuitable. It consists of a bar of metal about three feet in length, with a polished and orna- mented handle. The end of the Poker-Pyrostat, that is to say, the part which comes in contact with the combustion and forms my patent elec- tro-caloric current, is square, slightly pointed and unpolished, but well finished —although Poker-Pyrostats could be made at almost any price from five cents upwards. Here is a cheap substitute that I use to poke the fire sometimes,” (And Mr. Edison handed the reporter something that looked very much like a piece of a charred broomstick, but of course it wasn’t.) “All you have to do is to grasp the instrument firmly, shove it in the fire among the coals, stir them about, and there is a blaze immediately.” “ Wonderful,” the Puck man exclaimed. “Yes, I do take some litt‘e credit to myself. It ain’t a bit complicated, a child might use it, but of course, for it to act with proper effect, a little practice in manipulation is required.” Puck Man—“ But so simple a contrivance will have many imitators.” Epison (hanging by his eyebrows to roof of cellar)—“Oh, no! I've patented every step of the invention, Haven't I, Belzebub? (calling down a telephone—A voice: ‘Yes.’) That's one of my men who's at Windsor Castle, just 3,225 miles away—he’s been making a gold Poker- Pyrostat for Queen Victoria's kitchen fire. This thing, you see, can be used as a weapon of defense, too; when it gets into general use tramps and surly wives had better look out.” Puck Man—“ How did you find it out?” Epison—“‘ That's a bit of a secret—but when I've got it patented everywhere I'll tell you, At Ujiji I've had some bother—the authorities there claim that it has been known for thousands of years; but that’s nonsense—it's impossible.” The Puck man scouted the idea. “ But,” continued Edison, as he cut off his left thumb and put it in his pocket, “I've got a conipany formed here to run the thing every- where, I expect to manufacture and to get royalty on at least 5,000,000 Poker-Pyrostats within the next year. I shall make a large fire here in a few months and invite people here to come and see it worked.” “Do the shovel and tongs, which I under- stand are largely used in England, infringe on your patent ?”’ inquired Puck, “No, not at all; the inventors of those things can’t divide the current to the extent which I can, That's where I’m ahead. My principle is simple enough. ‘The heat given off by the sun would melt 287,200,000 cubic miles of ice every second; it would consequently require the combustion of thirty feet of coal over the entire surface of the sun every second to generate the same heat—therefore the sun is 320,000 times as large as this earth. Now, my Poker-Pyrostat rectifies the real and apparent error more by its dynamic force, combined with the adustion and flagration up to the handle, than any intrinsic incalescence it may possess in its carbonization. Further, if by the aid of diathermancy and transcalency you put a head on the isothermal electro-carbolic and calorific torrefaction—why there you are.” “Naturally,” said the Puck man, emerging from the cellar; and, thanking Mr. Edison for his kindness, caught the 3 a.m. train for New York, where he arrived a much wiser man. It may not be generally known that Mr. Edison is about giving to the world other triumphs of his inventive skill. Among them is, we believe, an article for measuring and conveying food to the mouth, called a knife- and-forkyometer; and another for drinking purposes, the cup-and-saucerometer. hg beh comicbooks.com