Puck — December 4, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. PUCK. No. 13 North William Street, New York. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Terns To Sunscrinen SPECIAL NOTICES. Pucx will hereafter be on Sale in London, at the News Agency ‘of Messrs. HENRY F. GILLIG & CO., 449, Strand, Charing Cross. “Americans in Paris, hitherto reduced to "Punch."* “Fun” and “Jody.” will now find their natural paper on file at the ‘Herald’ Office, 49 Avenue de I’ Opéra. ‘We cannot undertake to return rejected communications, and to this rule we can make no exception. B@- Remittances by Money Order, etc. are to be addressed to KerpLer & SCHWARZMANS "gar Our advertising, friends are only required to pay bills presented on the billheads of Puck, with our stamp meraxssap erecn. KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN. CONTENTS. ‘The Horror of the Day. Gallic Gumdrops. nae Our Charities Remain at A Queston Aaswered. ¥rrzxoon Amanica,LXVI. Praise from the Dictator Again. ment—poer ‘The Theatres. The Young Engineer. A Story for the Very Little Be Te Answens ron 3 t= A) 2 tegend of Couki aye. yoxous. ‘Ben Batlah THE HORROR OF THE DAY. We have it on Scriptural authority that the man who loses one merino sheep out of an even hundred makes a vast deal more fuss about the missing one than over the ninety-and-nine safe in the fold. This perhaps explains thereas on why, when a seaman who has made one hundred and twenty-five voyages in safety, comes to grief on the 126th, a universal howl of execration and condemnation arises from several millions of people who never were ona steamship in their lives and probably never will be. The mere fact that a Captain, after doing all that in him lay, to that end, failed to go down with his ship has caused a vast disap- pointment to those worthy people of senti- mental dispositions who like to read of deeds of heroism—when performed at: a distance, by others. But we cannot see that it is incumbent upon even the most devoted Commander, when his ship is lost through no fault of his own, to ‘make a voluntary sacrifice of himself, like a Hindoo widow on her husband’s grave. Captain Schwensen, in the trying hour of the “ Pommerania” disaster, did his duty like a man. He shirked none of the responsibilities of his position. He was ready for Death, if Death had to be met in the discharge of his duty. Whatever may have been the conduct of his sailors—and at this time we have only un- authenticated rumors of ‘cowardice and bru- tality—Captain Schwensen and his officers be- haved like true men, and we do not believe that the world will grudge the brave survivors of the disaster their well-earned lives, Ir you have ever tried to mix a salad, we think we can count upon your signature to a petition to Congress, requesting a generous subsidy to the man who shall invent a cruet oil-bottle that will keep its contents on the in- LET OUR CHARITIES REMAIN AT HOME. HE old adage that “charity begins at home” should swell itself up into a larger sentence and read, ‘Charity should stay at home!” There are millions of children in our land who are going, the boys to the State Prison, the girls to Bro. Talmage’s resort—and. all because the money of charitable people of the land is being spent in sending tracts to little niggers who can’t read them; providing flannel shirts for cannibals who won’t wear them; and keeping a crowd of hypocritical loafers, men and women, on duty soliciting and collecting aid for these useless purposes. But, right at our doors, are enacted scenes which the old Spanish Inquisitors would have delighted in, It isso nice to put five wretched idiots into a ten-foot cell; poke them their food at the end of a long pole; treat them less mercifully than the hostler treats the stall of his horse; and leave them there for so many months that the stench renders the investi- gating committee too faint to investigate. And yet we want some more dollars to con- vert the heathen, Some of our young men commit sudden and impulsive crimes, are convicted, and become the prison-associates of criminals; and to lead them into a better life they are subjected, for the least infraction of discipline, to being burned with alcohol, douched with cold water, strung up by the thumbs, left in darkness and damp for weeks at a time, and yet— We want money to convert Fiji Islanders! There is a great deal of 2" about these charitable contributions in this age and gene- ration. ‘Thousands of poor people have been half- starving themselves in this city, for tne past few weeks, in order to help build a marble ca- thedral on Fifth Avenue. If people want to worship God, a square brick building is good enongh for them to bend the hinges of the knee in. But, nevertheless, even with our marble ca- thedrals, we want money to convert the Tim- buctoos. It is funny when it looks that way; and you see money poured out like the overflowing of a freshet over a mill-dam, to convert a lot of buck niggers in Africa, while our white Chris- tians among us are being maltreated, mauled and murdered in the public institutions in our midst, But it will be funnier when you remember that cash contributed to convert a Kangaroo- Islander is not easy to be audited; it is easy to say he wouldn't be baptized unless he had a Baxter Street soldier-coat, a gun, a pair of red drawers, a bottle of ham, a barrel of whiskey and a cocked hat. But when you pay money into home charities there is a better chance to see where it goes to, what is done with it, and so— The philanthropists of the country, ladies and gentlemen, would respectfully invite you to contribute liberally to convert the poor Afri- can, The “ poor African fund” has made many arich man of those who collected but forgot to distribute it. To those who have money to give, Puck gives his advice, in a word to each, If you are asked to contribute ‘to build a marble church—Don'r! If you are asked to contribute towards con- ig a bull-African, with a missionary’s bone V-shaped teeth—Don’t! verti in his If any Chadbaud, sleek and greasy, comes into your office, for contributions for fancy charities, give him a—Kicx! But if you have money to spare, look around you, in your own neighborhood, and put it, yourself, where it will do the most good. A QUESTION ANSWERED. We wish to call attention to the self-respect- ing heroism with which Puck has refrained from making one single Thanksgiving joke.— Puck, this week, Yes; we noticed it. But the abstinence was excessive. Why didn’t you make one on some other subject ?—W. Y. Daily Graphic. Why didn’t we? Bless your heart, dear boy, give us credit for a /itte generosity. We didn’t want to crowd you quite out of the field, you know. Don’t you remember, you made a joke once yourself—your one single solitary joke— two or three years ago; and we thought it was about time for you to trot it out again, and so endeavored to leave room for you. It was such a little joke, you know, and, with encouragement, we thought you might bring it up again and make people believe it was a fresh one, We are sorry you didn’t. Puckerings. “O'Donovan Rossa, the Fenian Head-Centre, For the Skirmishing Fund requests aid.” We always imagined the Fenian head-scenter Was the rankest of third-class pomade. ‘Tuey drink Raki in Bulgaria. Grant ought to send on one of his family as avant courier, that the Bulgarian barkeepers may know what his American Majesty means when he calls for a Raki cocktail. “On the last day it will not be asked what we believed, or what we did, but what we loved ;” and myriads that have kept the fearful secret well through lives thereby embittered, shall yell out: ‘Onion salad!” Tue Heywood Comic Opera Co. has let itself loose upon the country. It plays the “ Grande Duchesse” with a male soprano, which his name is Heywood, and he has a Worth wardrobe. Where, oh, where is Miss Maud Granger now ? Teacuer. ‘Define myrmidon.” Profound silence. Suow Scuorar. “I know. It’s a woman with a mirror, wot’s all the time conbin’ her hair—and—and—and she's got a fishes tail, I think,” . Sern Green doesn't believe that eels spawn; but as long as he notes the curious coincidence that a young sport usually appears in a new fall overcoat the very day he leaves his watch at the jewelers for repairs, he'll.never doubt that men do. Wuat with the electric light, the phono- graph and the Sun's Miss Fancher, who dis- penses with victuals and drink, and has achieved the long-sort-for. immortality, isn’t it about time humanity shut up shop and put the world in the hands of a receiver? tay” Having succeeded in securing a quantity of copies of “Puck” containing “Talmage Cartoons”, we hereby notify our Readers that they can obtain the following Issues at our Office: No. 82, October 2. gas 16, “ 85, “ 23, “© 87, November 7. = le of the glass until wanted. comicbooks.com