Puck — December 4, 1878 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. Tue laborer is worthy‘of his excelsior.— Cin. Sat, Night. A PIMPLE is the coupon of a buckwheat-cake. —Wheeling Leader, Tue most important part of a barrel is the bunghole.— Wheeling Leader. Tue Manhattan bank robbers are anxiously hunting for the police. H. Register. Ir takes a French writing master to drive a foreign-hand.— Cincinnati Griswold, Sono of the dry-goods clerk—‘‘Swinging in delaine."— Cincinnati Saturday Night. Tue Philadelphia Sunday Press calls the late A. T. S. “a corpse of two-and-a-half years’ experience.” Are watered silks dry goods ?—Puck. Why, you have often called rye-whiskey wet groceries, —Wheeling Leader, Tue king of the Pennsylvania Mollie Ma- guires is still unwept, unhonored, and unhung. —Kronikle: Herald. Smion Cameron is in favor of Grant, so it will be seen that the General will not have a walk-over in 1880,.—Derrick. ‘Tue Petroleum Can is the name of a news- paper in Germany, The Oil City Derrick sends its kind regards. —Derrick, SHAKSPERE must have had a liking for the medical profession, as Surgeon Falstaff was one of his best characters.—Cin. Sat, Night. Tue Baltimore Gazefle notes the fact that Gen. Grant has visited Gibraltar, where he was reviewed by the British army.— Boston Post, Peorte who shoot at kings and emperors need a little Creedmoor practice. ‘They usually score nothing out of a possible one.—Xochester Express. “Are we drifting toward cremation ?” asks the Louisville Courier Journal, Of course you are. You can’t expect to live forever.—or- ristown Herald, Aw lowa clergyman boasts that he can marry twenty couples in an hour. ‘Twenty knots an hour is pretty good’speed for a clergyman to make. — Cin, Sat. Night. Now that the search for the remains of Stewart is practically given up, we presume the “vaulting ambition” of the thieves is satis- fied.— New Haven Register, Joaquin Mitten, the alleged poet, will lecture on “What is Poetry?” He has the requisite ignorance of the subject to make an interesting lecture.—Detroit Free Press. Tue swells in New York pronounce their new Mayor Coopér, and there will be a hand- some turn-out when the Coopér gets its new Mayor into the traces.—/%ila, Bulletin. Haves is just now very busy getting some one to help him write his message. After it has been read to Congress it will be bound in shape for Sunday-school libraries.—_V. H/. Register. A CLEVELAND jury declares that the truth is no libel; therefore it is without fear that we boldly state that Nature intended Zach Chand- ler for a whiskey inspector.— Kronitle-Herald, Fencinc has almost ceased to be an accom- plishment among our young men. Soon it may be said that in the bright lexicon of youth there's no such word as foil.— Cincinnati Satur- day Night. Onty 13,000 Americans visited Paris during the Exposition, but to-day 50,000 persons are running around the United States claiming to be one of the first-named number.— Xrontk/e- Herald, _ THE British have captured Ali Musjid, and it is to be hoped that the first thing they do is setting the army to work, with hammers and chisels, knocking the rough edges off the name. —Kronikle-Herald. Ir appears that under the present adminis- tration an officeholder isn’t- respected if he does that which the country expects him to do. An Indian agent has been arrested for robbing the Indians.— Xronikle- Herald. Our Wheeling inventor is getting up a new patent chair for dentists. A concealed spring in it runs a tack up through the seat, and while the patient is howling, and his attention is diverted by the attack below, the tooth is yanked out.— Wheeling Leader. A MAN named Peter Shortsleeves was stabbed by a mere boy in Troy the other day. He might have known that he couldn’t flaunt such a name as that around long without getting hurt in some way or other.—Louisville Courier-Journal, “ Wuere shall we put our surplus money ?” —Rochester Union. \t is strange you should ask such a question as that, when you have a chance to invest it in a pint of peanuts every day of your life.— Courier-Journal. “Tue solid South is badly scared," says the New York Zriéune. You are mistaken, the solid South cannot be scared by the rustle of the ragged ruffles of a resurrected bloody shirt. Louisville Courier-Journal, ANGELL, the defaulting Secretary of the Pullman Palace Car Company, has been ar- rested and $80,000 found on his person, We regret to say that the chances of this unfortu- nate person ever dropping the final 1 in his name are growing most almighty slim.—Der- rick, Wuen the small-boy was asked how many kinds of pies there were, he answered promptly, “ cross- barred, open-topped and kivered.” Not living in a boarding-house, the young man could not, of course, add the informacion that the last variety are usually “‘ kivered ” with as- bestos roofing. —Derrick. THE worst case of stuttering on record has been heard from. The party had been sent to the Deaf and Dumb Asylum. It took him four years to say “ good morning.” When the di- rectors heard he could talk they fired him out- ‘Asa book agent he would bea luxury.— Wheel- ing Leader. Piuck is everything. Just think how Cain pulled through his babyhood without either paregoric ora tin whistle.— Acokuk Constitution. Yes, and he grew up to be a man of mark.— New Haven Register. Tue Musical Trade Review publishes a photo-lithographic portrait of Mr. Mosenthal. We are sorry for him if he has the measles anything like as hard as the picture represents. —New Haven Register. To Make Oyster Stew—Thoroughly chloro- form your oyster with red pepper, which will prevent him from taking a trip to the surface of the soup and eating the cracker before you have a chance to devour your oyster.— Claude de Haven in Yonkers Gazelle. Tue southern situation, says a Republican exchange, will be a prominent topic in the message. The trouble with the rads is that southern situations such as they have been wont to feather their’nests with, are ‘‘ gone where the woodbine twineth” for them.—Keokuk Consti- tution, “THe appearance and growth of the oyster in certain places are sometimes unaccountable,” says an exchange. That explains the look of astonishment on the face of the man who finds a couple of bivalves floating in a church-fair stew.—New Haven Register. Holiday Presenl Arnold, Constable & Co. ARE OFFERING 5,000 Dress Patterns MATELASSE In SILK AND WOOL and ALL WOOL, FRENCH and ENGLISH MIXTURES, STRIPES, FASHIONABLE PLAIDS. MERINOES, CALICOES, &c. &c. N, B.—The above are ent in DRESS LENGTHS and marked ia PLAIN FIGURES for the convenience of customers, Broadway, corner 19th Street. GENTLEMEN'S FURNISHING GOODS. Arnold, Constable & Co. ARE PREPARED TO OFFER FOR THE HOLIDAYS ‘A Choice Assortment of the LATEST STYLES in Neck Dressings, EI OBES DE CHAMBRE, FRENCII CARDIGAN JACKETS, STUDY AND SMOKING ROBES. DRESS SHIRTS, LINEN COLLARS AND CUFFS 4 to order, and WARRANTED TO FIT. UP FLANNEL, MEDICATED CASUMERE ‘and (CHAMOIS, PEIGNOIRS DE BAIN. “MARTIN'S ENGLISH U: 8, ae, Broadway, Corner 19th Street. LADIES’ AND CHILDREN’S Furnishing Dep’t. ARNOLD, CONSTABLE & CO. Are offering UNUSUAL INDUCEMENTS for the Balance of ‘the Season tn Paris Lingerie and Underwear, Infan: Misses’ and Children's Boys’ Pant and Kilt Suits, Overcon In FANCY CLOTHS and Also, a General Stock of FURNISHING GOODS and UNDERWEAR For CHILDREN, MISSES ard LADIES, FRENCH COUTIL AND GERMAN WOVEN CORSETS. BRIDAL TROUSSEAUX AND INFANTS’ WARDROBES To Order at Short Notice, THE BEST ALL TOBACCO CIGARETTE. Sold by nll Dealers and Manufactured by B. POLLAK.N. Y. ———— Cheapest Book Store in the World. 73,672 SUPERB ENGLISH GIFT BOOKS, at one price, 55,672 MAGNIFICENT AMERICAN HOLIDAY MOOKS. at your price. 35, GORGEOUS JUVENILE BOOKS, at VOF GENERAL LITERATURE FREE. ROS., 8 Beekman Si., New York. comicbooks.com