Puck — November 6, 1878 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. THE DAY OF ARRIVAL. 1, Mrs. Dove returns from her summering in the mountains radiant and beautiful as Hebe, as sound in wind and limb as American Girl. Mrs. D, bas always been considered remarkably kind in double harness. A child could drive her. FROM THE COUNTRY. 2ND Day. 2. But her usually sweet temper is slightly ruffled when she discovers that the plat lass mirror in the par- lor has been cracked, not to say smashed, during her ab- sence. Somehow she does not feel as well as she did. 3RD DAY. 3. The condition of the furniture, moreover, makes it necessary to explain to the housemaid that there isa proper way to dust, and that this is the way, ‘The prac- tical demonstration proves rather exhausting to Mrs. D. 4TH DAY. 4. And when it comes to showing the proper method of washing windows, Mrs. Dove is not to be recognized as the same woman." Her beautiful temper has vanished to the four winds of heaven, and she feels decidedly sick. STU Day. 5. And on the sth cay of her return, it is but a ghost of the lovely Mrs. Dove who drives her inefficient house- hold force to the door, and announces that hereafter she will cook, wash, iron and general housetvork for herself. She feels very ill. 6TH Day. 6. Mrs. Dove is prostrated, Household cares have been too much tor her, and the family doctor, having been called in, gives his verdict: « All the benefit de rived from Mrs. Dove's summer trip has been undone. Your wife is in a very dangerous way, sir, and, really, upon my soul, I can't answer for her recovery—unless she goes into the country again!” THE THEATRES. At WaLtAck’s the classical comedies yield to “Our Club,” by Burnaud, in the course of a week; And Sheridan and Holcroft surrender the field to ‘The dress-coajed drama, complacent and sleek. Shook and Pa:mer, around at the SQUARE, still continue Getting Howard’s new play into shape for a run, Which will give all their artists occasion to win new Laurels, besides those of “¢ Mother and Son.” At the Park, crowded houses are flocking to Lotta, To laugh at Cigale, and betwixt laughs to say: “Oh, isn’t she funny? How sprightly! ‘And what a Ridiculous, wild and uproarious play!” At the BRoabway, George Knight has succeeded von Stammwitz, 'e won't say that Knight Otto hire a hall) je the critic, astonished, cries out: ‘Well, I'm damn ‘it’s Such a variety show, after all!” At Bootu’s, every evening, to excellent business, M. Bénedic’s clever French boufists appear— A troupe more distinguished for absence of dizziness ‘Than any we've had here for many a year, At the STANDARD, Miss Ilenderson announces the cast of her “Almost a Life”—fixed for Saturday night. While at the Firtit AVENUE (this week's the last of her), Modjeska is reveling in sweetness and light. NOT WHAT AUGUSTUS MEANT. “Cousin Parthenia, perhaps — don’t you think ?—is it quite proper, you know, for us to be see walking together? You're not married, and—_” “Somebody might take you for my son? WueN Miss Mary Anderson goes on the | Stage as Juéiet, she takes her chewing-gum out | of her angelic mouth, and sticks it against the wing, to be finished when the scene is over. | Therefore it is that she rematks to Romeo: | “ Stay but a little; I will gum again.” Tue Holy Land railways seem to get into trouble with quite as much facility as those ofg our unholy country. Vide article from Jericho Sun, in another column. Ausweys for the Ansions. PacKAaRD.—Pack. Juier.—Retire to the Tomb of the Capulets. Spratt.—Why wake it from its calm and innocent slumber at the bottom of the waste-basket ? ZAere it cannot harm the tenderest infant. Why let is loose for a scourge upon an already afflicted land ? Jaconus.—Couldn’t you calm down your muse—just abit, you know—with hypodermic injections of —of— well, of prussic acid, or some other mild corrective of that sort? Poetry scems to come hard to her, and the spasms of inspiration are unpleasant to witness. If the above suggestion doesn't please you, do you think you could manage to soothe her with a sledge-hammer, or operate on her with a buzz-saw, or do the square thing by outraged humanity in whatever way is most con- venient to you? Perhaps you're right, Augustus dear.” comicbooks.com