Puck — October 30, 1878 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE TRAMP. YOUTH, light-hearted and content, I wandered through the world, ‘ ‘While summer-winds meandering went— Over meadows dew-impearled. BN Bat now the melancholy days, The saddest of the year, Alternate ‘twizt asthmatic haze And frost-chilled atmosphere. The hay-ricks shaky shelters soon Will be no place to lie; Cold groweth sleeping ‘neath the moon, Pale regent of the sky. Like bears I may not hibernate ‘And suck my paws for food: I cannot live on real estate— T only wish I could. ‘Whene’er I take my walks abroad, I feel rheumatic pains; And life appears a dismal fraud: Especially when it rains. Dark is my mind and full of doubt As Fall's foreboding mist; really think I’m blooming out A full-fledged Communist. All property is theft, I think, ‘And quite immoral, Them’s ‘The sentiments I fain would drink, With no allaying Thames. And so, my friends, if you'd have yourn, Respectfully, refrain From bursting forth to blight and burn— A moral hurricane. Someone who does not want to see This fair land made forlorn Had better d. q. offer me One square, old-fashioned horn. FITZNOODLE IN AMERICA. No. LXI. “(A GREAT AMERICAN FAMILY,” Ya-as, yer aw see I have now been he-ah quite a con- siderwable time aw, and weally can’t say if Jack and I have made up our minds to wemain much longer in the countwy, aftah wall it’s too much of a law and uninterwesting aftah Eurwope, especially Gweat Bwitain, yer know. It's aw too pwimitive. Pon my soul—don’t pwecisely understand what attwactions keep so many fellaws he-ah, at all, and it weally must have been some mysterwious sort of thing, which I can’t pos- sibly make out, which dwew me back he-ah— induced me to weturn, yer know. Jack and I have been talking about the mat- tah aw, and Jack, who invarwiably uses pwo- pah language, says he thinks we have weached a conclusion. ‘That, of course, is a wathah fine, corwect expwession, but Jack is nevah wong, always wight, in fact. His bwain aw is of a differwent charwacter to mine, bwains, yer know, often varwy. Now what on earth aw can a fellaw do he-ah, if he becomes a wesident and twies to surwound himself with some of the luxurwies which DOUBLE. INDEPENDENT - DEMOC REFORM-TAMMAN ARRELED RATIC - REPUBLICAN- Y-HALI-TIC! VOTE THIS TICKET! (Other Side.) gweenbacks can buy for a fellaw? By the way, he can get he-ah a gweat many things aw almost, but of course not quite as good as things fwom Gweat Bwitain. But then, yer see, everwybody is of such aw verwy new family, and then so many of the decent people are always being wuined that it is, ‘pon my soul, quite a dangerwous pwactice to have any wegard for them, a ‘fellaw nevah knows when aw the time may arwive, when it will no longer be good form to take any notice of them, without wunning the wisk of com- pwomising oneself, aw altho’ that would be a doosid difficult thing to do in this countwy. Just to show what a verwy extwaordinarwy place it is, a curwious affaiah, Jack says, is aw going on in a Surwogate’s Court. ‘That, yer know, is a sort of Amerwican Doctors Com- mons, and relates to wills, I suppose they give it such a queer name because it has some- thing to do with aw sorwow; but I don’t know where the d-d-devil they get the gate fwom, A verwy wich fellaw, who I believe has something to do with wailways, wefuses to give | up any of his aw pwoperty to his bwothah who + dwinks, I believe, aw gin and bwandy cock- | tails quite aw frequently. The name of the | family is Vandobilk, and they are a wetched lot of vulgah people. ‘The father used to be an awfully common laborwer, whose pwofession | was thrwowing manure into carts with a aw two p-pronged fork. ‘then he wowed a boat, and had a stemah, and begged, borrowed and stole a lot of gweenbacks, and bought a wail- way. He aw died as usual, and then aw I suppose, according to the wegulah Amerwican laws of pwimogentive, his aw eldest son, a fellaw who ! had a gwown up family, yer know, but a fwight- fully howling cad, came into all-the pwoperty. Jack says, twanslated into English money it amounted to severwal millions—that is pounds | sterling. Nevah shall be able to compwehend | this dollah business, why don’t they have a chwistian mannah of weckoning he-ah. ‘This fellaw who has all the money, is not at | all charwitable or generwous, and all his aw | gweenbacks do not make him any more than a | miserwable, common fellaw, with aw mzan, narwow mind—and he is, of course, the lead- ing wepwesentative of Amerwican arwistocwacy. I'm verwy sorwy for the arwistocwacy. ‘The dwunken and disweputable bwothah naturwally objects to the pwopah wetched bwothah getting all the gweenbacks and wail- way, and is now with a numbah of barwisters and such fellaws twying to get two or thrwee hundred thousand pounds out of the will for himself and a sister, is also interwested in the matter, I don't wead the papahs, yer know, but I he-ah a gweat deal about this will twial aw. I shall pwobably go with Jack some day or othah to listen to the wow. Spirwits are intwoduced —I don’t mean the stuff a fellaw dwinks, Such as bwandy, but aw spirwits which woam about imaginary places aftah a fellah’s dead, perform stwange vagarwies aw are always wapping aw. SHE MIGHT. Aristocratic Virtue—‘‘Isn’t it horrible, Mr. Fitz-Pilkington, the way these people dress on the stage? Really, what are we to do, you know, to distinguish ourselves from the crea- tures?” F. P. (innocenth’)— Er—couldn’t you—er —wear a chest-protector, you know!”” = comicbooks.com