Puck — October 30, 1878 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. 3 ballot-boxes, repeatedly. MISTER CUT THIS OUT. There will be so many split tickets and “ pasters” about on election day that the voters who are friends of Puck will please cut this list out and deposit it in the For Chief Grabber: Joun Ketty. For Gatherer of Unconsidered Trifles : Mick Muttoxey (Employe of Dep. Pub. Works). For the Love of the Laundry: Gen, Frank B. Suirt-Cottar, and his Spinota. For Judge (of Bad Whiskey) : Ex-ALDERMAN SHEILDS, For Fraud last triumphant : Joun Keuty, For Treasurer of Tammany For Delegate sine die, to Salt River : J. Ke To be served up ona SCHELL, gfe = eae: eB KeLty. ryshalf-shell : (Other Side.) PUCK’S LAST WORDS TO VOTERS. iprcx is not a partisan, but he has pre- [4 ferences. He votes for the right all the time. Also for Honesty, and all that the word implies. ‘Principles and Men,” is his motto, or rather, “ Men of Principle.” As it is customary for political journals to address a few ‘“ Last Words to Voters,” on the eve of elections, Puck falls into line and issues his appeal —as follows: Voters! but a few days remain until clection —as you may see by referring to any patent medical almanac. Go to the polls and vote the whole ticket. Commence at the top and vote it down, ‘Then begin at the bottom and vote it up. Then turn it and vote it on the other side. Don't scratch, See that your neighbor votes—if he intends to vote our ticket. If he belongs to the oppo- sition, see that he doesn’t vote—twice. Vote yourself. Don't let another man vote for you. If you haven't got a vote, buy one. Never mind the expense. Keep your eyes open from now until the polls close on election day. ‘I'he opposition are wary and working in secret. The man who does not keep his eyes open from this time until after the last vote is dropped into the ballot-box, has no furnace in his bosom, glowing with patriot- ism and the love of office. Don’t close your eyes. Should some blackguard close them for you, pick up a brick and reason with him. Don't scratch. Stand at the polls all day—and the day before, and the day after, if by so doing you can secure one vote for our ticket. Vote all da—we mean, stand on the ground all day, rain or shine. If Necessary, get up three hours before day and stand on the ground. Judging from the appeals of our political contemporaries—especially those in the country—this thing of standing on the ground all day is a potent means of securing votes.. And our friends have as robust consti- tutions for standing on the ground as the oppo- sition, But don’t lie on the ground—until after you have voted. Beware of trickery and split tickets, If any man attempts to foist upon you a split ticket, split him open on the spot—or on the head, either, B We must defeat the opposition. Do you want to go to market with a wagon- load of greenbacks and come home with a bunch of onions, half a peck of potatoes, two slices of ham, and no money? No? Then vote for honest money. Do you want to be- come as rich as Vanderbilt and own railroads, and steamboats, and lawyers? Yes? ‘Then vote for our candidates. Do you want to pay $17,006,943,300,000 worth of Confederate claims out of your own pocket? No? ‘Then defeat the party that would take the roof from under your feet, and the cellar from over your head. Don't scratch. Stand at the polls all day. Vote early and ofte—that is, vote early. Defeat the machinations of the opposition. We don't know what the machinations are — but defeat them. ‘There are principles involved in this campaign that men would die for. If, by dying, you can influence one man to vote our ticket, don't hesitate to die. By so doing you may afford your wife much happiness and a new husband. For six votes die five times, with a greater reduction to clubs of ten or more. A few years ago the great city of New York was robbed of $80,000,000 and some odd cents. If the opposition are successful on Tuesday next, you will be robbed of four times that sum. . Look out for bogus tickets! The man who would deliberately vote a bogus ticket, would commit arson, suicide, matrimony, and other wicked things. Vote early—and as often as you can, without being detected. This advice to the opposition is superfluous. Remember the password. Puck doesn’t remember it himself, by the way. Our party may not have a password this year, but don’t let this trifle deter you from remembering it. Stand on the ground all day. Our friends in the rural districts must get out their hay-wagons and bring in the sick, and the lame, and the married, and the other unfor- tunates. And also stand at the polls all day. Don’t be afraid to challenge a voter. Challenge him to fight a duel at five paces, and kill him before he votes, Get out the vote!—Then get it in! Do you want billiards to advance two dollars per bill? and opera tickets ten dollars pertick? and ulsters sixty dollars per ulst? Then vote the opposition ticket. Do you want to live in a four-story cottage with a big back yard, and no back rent? Then stand on the ground all day and vote the whole ticket. P.S,--Don’t scratch—unless you have per- sonal occasion to. AN UNSAVORY MOUTHFUL. e — io does scem hard that the people of this city have to gobble up Jack Kelly and his horde of Irish-Indians of the tribe of Tara- many. It is a very unsavory mouthful to swal- low, doubtless; but it is all in the interests of good government. Disgusting medicines are administered often- times by wise physicians to work a radical cure in patients sick nigh unto death. And this is, perhaps, the reason why the People of New York determine to swallow Mister Kelly, once and for all time, that the secret-society Ring government of which he is the represen- tative, may disturb them no more. If this idea is a little mixed; if it seems somewhat African and cannibalistic to swallow one’s enemy to get rid of him, that is no busi- ness of ours. ‘There is the situation and our good wishes go with Mr. Conkling for every morsel of his mouth-ful. And we sincerely trust that Mr. Ottendorfer, who seems to be the tail of this popular movement, will wag with delight, on the evening of election-day. It_is a queer animal that is going to gobble up Tammany; but then there are always queer animals in politics. And the people are tired of retaining in office, at enormous salaries, saloon-keeping Sheriffs, liquor-store Aldermen, grog-shop Commissioners, and having a load of taxation laid upon their backs at which any four-footed ass would rebel. Some of our esteemed contemps have kindly called this anti-T'ammany ticket the “ mule ticket.” Let them remember that mules kick; and that an earnest mule, of good health, has a latent gym- nastic power in his heels which causes the un- wary intruder to double himself together like to a carpenter's rule, and to groan in great anguish. If this particular political ticket be a mule’s ticket, it will probably do as the mules do. Wherefor let the Sachems of Tammany lay in their stock of arnica and soothing liniments for use after election. There are but few tribes of savages who wear rings in their noses, by way of self-adornment; and the hundreds, the thousands of young men just coming into pub- lic life, would do well not to imitate these few savages. But if they wi// wear the ring of Jack Kelly in their noses, let it be inscribed ‘“Tammany,” that all may read it; let them be led by Mr. Kelly in person, like patient beasts of burden, but never think to rise above the mental level of the brutes they represent. So, macte nova virtute puer, Conkling; this is the way to bea star politician. And in your comet-tail we hope to see the constellations of the bright Jimmy O'Brien, and the coruscant Haskins; and the blinding Green; and the in- tense and penetrating Ottendorfer. If constellations are seen on the other side they will be Spinola, the ‘dipper; Schell, the “cancer,” and Kelly, the “Great Bear.” Go in to win, you combinationists, and throw up your hats. lively for victory at the close of the polls on election-day! comicbooks.com