Puck — October 30, 1878 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. ES “Why do you speak so solemnly ?” she asked, wondering. “ Of course I am happy at the mere ‘thought of a ball. I have never seen anything like it before, and—I am so fond of dancing!” “ And you will be praised and flattered,” he continued, as if unheeding her; “and you will learn to prize all these pleasant things, and care no more for old home-pleasures—perhaps, for old home-friends.”” “You are very strange to-day; and,” she added laughing, “I don't know what right you have to lecture me with the air of an old philo- sopher! But you know very little of me if you -really think what you said. “Tell me, then,” he began; but she had already reached the door, and only stopped to answer. . “No, no, I will tell you nothing after this; and I am going to think about the ball!” And she ran up to her room, marveling the while why he should have spoken so earnestly, half sorrowfully, about this trifling thing; and then she thought his recent bereavement had made the bright revels of the world Mas a cruel mockery to him, and all her little anger vanished away at once, and in her heart there rose a great pity and tenderness for him. (To be continued.) “ READING makes a full man,” says the philo- sopher. Milwaukee beer and Cincinnati whiskey are superior to reading in that respect. — Br-ak- fast Table. “THAT boy will make his mark in the world some day,” said a parent of his dullest child. So he did. He never learned to write.— Eden- burg Herald. Ir is a blessed privilege to be able to get up and lick the man who wrote your obituary notice. New Orleans Picayune, ‘THERE is not room in New York streets for curbstone brokers and ‘Texas steers at the same time.— New Orleans Picayune. Minnesota has a cat with five heads. It is supposed that nature intended that cat to take the place of Hayes's Cabinet.—/’%ila, Kronikle- Herald, Wuen a Nebraska man calls another a liar, there is no duel over it. ‘he liar gulps it down and waits his chance to shoot the other man’s hogs.—Detroit Free Press. Tue man who steps on a grape-skin and sits down on the flags has one chance out of thirty- two millions of discovering the person who ate the grapes.— Detroit Free Press. Bos INGERSOLL is said to have made $60,000 out of his lectures on hell. Hell has not yet commenced on Bob, but will get in its work later.—BreakfastLable, TuHeRE are many articles which can be ground up into fish-bait. One of the most desirable is the man who smokes a filthy pipe on an excursion for ladies.—Xockland Courter, His hair having been cut, and various offers of fancy soap, hair-restorer, etc., having been declined with and without thanks, the barber says unto him: “Will your hair do that way, sir?” ‘The customer contemplates himself with care in the mirror, then, returning to the sacri- ficial chair and enveloping himself in the calico wrapper, replies, solemnly: “Just a leetle longer.”— WV. ¥. Zribune. passed away, leaving lots of people to wonder why such base provisions as meat and_ potatoes never wear out public affection.—Detroit Free Press, Younc men, never go courting in October without a clean handkerchief in your pocket. ‘The day and the hour on which a cold in the head cometh no man knoweth,—- Phila, Chroni- kle-Herald, Miss Jerrreys Lewis will return to the stage. She finds that she must work if she would sup- port her husband in good style. She married a broker, and he broke her immediately.— Mew Orleans Picayune, Tuey have found a tree in the Yosemite Valley that measures over one hundred feet around the butt, and it is proposed to make a chair bottom of the butt and present it to David Davis.—Boston Post. It is rumored that Garibaldi, who owns a large granite quarry in Italy, will consolidate with the Cape Ann quarries, under the firm name of Butler & Garibaldi. They will carry on a General business.— Boston Post. + ‘THE man with the straw-hat is still about and he sneaks along the streets with the pained and startled look of the man who is expecting Gabriel will suddenly sound the last horn, but keeps hoping that he won't.— Phila. Kronikle-Herald, Ir is said that the left foot of a left-handed man is always longer than his right one, but when the old man reaches after Adolphus from the top step he always sends the right foot, and in most cases it is long enough.— Breakfast Table. Corpuroy is becoming very popular as a material for children’s clothing, and as it is about the only fabric that will bear sliding down hill and improve by the operation, there seems to be an eternal fitness about it.— Break- Sast Table. ‘Tue story “ Causeur" told last week, about the man who sought to make a display of his wealth by drawing a check for a thousand dol- lars and then lighting his cigar with it, is doing excellent service on the stump as an illustration of “fiat” money.— Boston Transcript. v a political meeting, recently, the speaker, waxing eloquent, said: ‘What shall we do in this emergency Tell her to whoa!" shouted somebody in the audience. A great weight of whoa rested upon all until the orator remark: ‘That man had better Emma-grate.""— Boston Transcript. You can get an autograph letter of Daniel Webster for eighty cents. You can also get sixteen glasses of beer for the same money, Of course we'd choose the autograph; but we fear on the counter and softly murmur “ Beer.” — Norr, Heratd, all those two months the cipher dispatches were being delivered at his house at Gramercy Park,and hence was innocent of the little game his wicked “coparceners” were concocting ? He has rather a sleepy look, that’s a fact.— Norr. Herald. A saitor lad, on voyage bent, Waved to his love a long adieu— “ You ask skiff it’s my intent ‘To be, my dear, forever true. Aye, aye, my lass, this parting smack My deep, undying love shall te She smiled and gave the token back— ‘The parting grieved the heavy swell, And yacht We wot ‘That parting tasted wherry well. St, Louis Journal,, the other ninety-nine would give a gentle wrap | Can it be possible that Mr. Tilden was asleep | Tue rage for $24 pen-wipers seems to ave | © Al ant ina bel acio er cla aie tion day, and swear that the country is going _ tg the dogs unless his party wins; but if he loses, he is more than apt to come up next morning and say that the result was a matter of no importance, as no principle was involved. —Cin. Breakfast Table. “Ever since,” said Mr, Smiley at the break- fast table this morning, “ever since that little fellow, Jimmy Puck, put a griddle-cake round the earth—and it only took him forty minutes. to do it—I have always held that a buckwheat flap-jack, with a little sprinkling of honey, was fit food for a fairy. Hannah, pass us a hot one.’ —New Haven Register. HE was a countryman and he walked along our busy thoroughfare and read a sign over the door of a manufacturing establishment, ‘ Cast Tron Sinks." It made him mad. He said that any fool ought to know that.—Camden Post. A nappy mother of male twins enthusiasti- cally refers to her treasures as her “sweet boy and boy.”—Stamford Advocate. Wuen one reads of “(Laughter and ap- plause),"” “ [Immense applause],”” “ [Sensation among the elders],” &c., &c., in the reports of Pulpiteer T: slum sermons, one tries to imagine similiar interlineations in St. Luke's report of the sermon on Mars Hill, or some of the other great discourses of Apostolic times, But then St. Paul didn’t get $12,000 a year.— Phila, Bulletin. SOMETIMFS-ER Augustus drives a great deal these lovely afternoons, Do you know,” he said to Eva, yesterday, while they were driving on Fort Madison road, “do you know, sometimes-er - when these —these soft—kind of soft—softing influences— you know, these hazy soft of soft—soft—ur—ah—these kind of soft "Presses his hand despairingly upon his brow and looks unutterable autumnal things. — Burlington Hawkeye. Tue clerk occasionally wrote paragraphs for a local weekly, and was Constantly on the look- out for a word capable of being tortured into a pun, When a pretty young lady tripped into the dry-goods store and asked, “ Have you any knotted damasses?” he brightened up and re- plied, “ Nota dam—” Here he stopped and looked confused, and the young lady left the store, and will bestow her patronage elsewhere. —WNorr. Herald. “Wno killed Sam Tilden?” 1," said Match Marble, “with my dispatch garble, 1 killed Sam ‘Tilden.” “Who saw him die?” 1," said Whitelaw, “with my little saw, Lsaw him die." “ Who made his coffin?” “1,” replied Max, “with my little whacks, I made his coffin “Who prayed for him?” “J,” said Bill Pelton, “his coffin I knelt on—oh, I prayed for him. Who told the tale?” “We,” said the papers, “we relish such capers—we told the tale!"— Graphic. Epwarp W. Cook, of Hartford; Conn., wants | a divorce from his wife Minerva. _ He says he | put up with Minerva’s peculiarities and idiosyn- | cracies until she planted her feet in the middle of his back, braced herself against the wall, and kicked him out of bed into the middle of the |room. ‘Then he got mad. ‘That was the last | straw. He concluded, that if a line must be | drawn, it might as well be drawn at kicking out | of bed. And yet-and yet he should not act | with rashness and undue haste. ‘This kic | out-of-bed mania developed by his wife can bi easily overcome. If Mr. Cook will garnish his back with sharp spikes, similar to those you see ornamenting the top of a fence to prevent bad boys from climbing over and harvesting fruit, he will be surprised at the result. And so. will Mrs, Cook.—orr. Herald. comicbooks.com