Puck — October 16, 1878 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PHILADELPHIA BULLETIN’S CRICKETING JOKES. Why was the Australian bat expected to wal- lop the Philadelphians? Because o’ Tasmania, bigger bat, man, than ours. We repeat, be- cause it has many a bigger batman than ours. Philadelphia, 196; Australia, 150. Good big-innings make good endings. © "Rah for Philadelphia! ‘The Australians have great endurance; but Bob Newhall's 84 runs indicate a double 42'd. ‘The Australians were so puzzled to keep track of Bob Newhall that they thought they were back in their own bush; miserable Lost- trailians, ‘The Demon's motto: “ Zimeo Danaos," “I'm afraid of Dan.” Spofforth plays Van Diemently, and Newhall Dan-veh'mently. The Australians have come to See-Dan, Just as the French did. ‘The Australians are big fellows; but most of them look-kricketty about the legs. The ‘ Demon” usually feels like a big Aus- tralian; but he felt like a little Lost-railian when he was caught out by Charley Newhall. ‘The Australians are going to change their country’s name back again to New Hall-and, when they go home. “Kittep by a Bad Man,” is the headline with which a contemporary startles his readers; it is so seldom that any but good men and sure candidates for heavenly reward kill folks.— New Haven Register, Proressor Swinc, of Chicago, says he will never allow a paragraph to go into his paper that he does not know is founded on fact. His paper will, of course, be issued every five years. —wN. Y. Commercial Advertiser, Some miscreant put Paris-green in a well that supplies water for the United States Hotel, in Boston, recently. ‘There are plenty of men in Boston, though, who would be unharmed if | | places, every well in the city was poisoned. Human hair has gone up seventy-five cents a pound, and the best quality of butter has gone down to thirty. Boarding-houses will now be compelled to furnish the essence of cow un- embellished.— Cin. Breakfast Table. Ix must be decidedly disheartening to a western farmer to be compelled to clear not only a ten-acre lot, but to clear a six-rail fence after he has stumbled over a nest of double- barreled hornets,— Hackensack Republican. ‘Tue chaplain of the Auburn Penitentiary denies that there are any clergymen among the prisoners at that place. Alas! is it any wonder that people exclaim that there is no justice in this country ?—/%iladelphia Kronikle- Herald. In order to allay any suspicions that may redound to our discredit among the meat shops | and grocery stores at our end of the town, we will simply say that we had no funds in the | suspended First National Bank of Glasgow.— | St. Louis Journal. Prupent ministers will make pastoral calls in the next few weeks. ‘The cool season is upon us, and a minister is liable at any time to come upon a man who is putting up a stove, and surprise him in the midst of unorthodox remarks.—Breakfast Table. “Jou” writes to ask: ‘How should we be- gin the week?” We haven't the scriptural re- gulations handy, but if your folks wash on that day, one good way to begin it will be by getting out of the house before they discover that the boiler or one of the tubs leak.— Fudton Times. | strated with, A Man who was being tried before a magis- trate for stealing some butter and cream from a farmer coolly began to hum ‘Robin Adair.” The court in its sentence said the song was very appropriate, for while the prisoner ws not Robin Adair he was robbin’ a dairy.— Pittsburgh Telegraph. ‘Tue western highwayman reads in the tele- graph column of his morning paper that a stage ach leaves Deadwood that day with $300,000 in gold bullion, and as he proceeds to put his revolvers in readiness he exclaims most fer- vently, “Heaven bless Professor Morse!”— Cincinnati Saturday Night, “Proranity never did any man the least good. No one is richer or wiser for it. It commends no one to scciety; it is disgusting to the refined, and abominable to the good.” Yes; that’s all very fine. But what’s a fellow to do when a tooth-brush bursts in his mouth ? —Breakfast Table. We are in receipt of a poem beginning, “The sun is in the heavens high,” and simply want to say we know itis. It has been there for some time, if we remember rightly, and we do not print “ original” iambic poetry, except on Spring, unles we know who the author is, “Young Poet. Rome Sentinel. Dip it ever occur to Denis Kearney—who, by the way, appears to have entered a tunnel and closed up both ends —did it ever occur to him that if he were to give the newspapers “1,” as he threatens, our facetious friend Puck would be all Pluck?—and it can't be any more plucky than it is now.—Norristown Herald. Morninc lecture courses promise to be quite “the thing” this season.—Bost, Transcript. Perhaps so; but you will not be treated toa course if you resolve to go home before mid- t, and stick to your resolution, Editors of afternoon papers can furnish no valid cuse for staying out until 1 or 2 a. M.—Norris- town Herald. ‘There are different idioms in different In New York the man who pounds on your door at the hotel will tell you “ brekfus is read. In Philadelphia at to be ‘break- fish,” in Chicago ‘ brokefish,” while in Boston the waiter will inform you that the matutinal repast is now waiting to be consumed. —Xeo- kuk Constitution, ‘Tne failure of the Bank of Glasgow for $50,000,000 may induce the belief that it had an American for President and Cashier, Such was not the case, however, Scotland doesn’t have a bank failure often, and when it does embark in the business it makes up for lost time. ‘Thus far Scotland is «head in the way of big bank failures, and we hope none of our Norristown banks, in a spirit of emulation, will fail for more than $50,000,000.—Norr. Herald. “Wuen,” asks the Philadelphia Zpitome of Literature, “when are we to have the ‘great American novelist’?” Now do try and have a little patience. We can’t do everything at once. Writii something like making a trip to Europe—the greatest labor is in getting ready to start. If we are plied with*many more questions con- cerning that novel, we shall not write it at all. -Norristown Herald. Tuar Rochester physician who thinks that the tomato produces cancer should be remon- Has the time arrived when a man cannot look that dearly-beloved vegetable square in: the eye without feeling as if some- thing were gnawing at his vitals? But we have gone too far to retreat; bring on your cancer, N.Y.Com. Adv. And yet it is too true. Have you not often seen the tomato can, sir?— Fhila. Evg. Bulletin, he “great American novel’ is | Tue country editor who takes all his adver- tisements out in trade will be gratified to learn that a new pill just patented will keep a man alive a whole week without eating. All he wants now to make him happy is a liver syrup that will make one suit of clothes last seventy- five years.— Norristown Herald. TRIOLET. After Cupid had fled, With Aer letters and locket, I wished I were dead— After Cupid had fled— And my heart turned to lead, But to silver, my pocket— After Cupid had fled, With her letters and locket. —Quppce Yarrow, in Louisville Cour. Journal. Fall and Winter DRESS GOODS. Arnold, Constable & Co. pecial attention of their CUSTOMERS and the public to IMPORTATION OF CRESS GOODS, | in rare and magnificent styles and fabrics (many of which are ex: mure Brocades, kin Sicilliens, Cachemitre de L French Imperial Platds, | Crepe Armures, Dress Chev inn Plat Cashmeres, Merinoes, elusive to this housé Persinn and and Corduroys, is’ Hairs &c., &e. Broadway, cor. Hosiery and Underwear DEPARTMENT. Arnold, Constable & Co. HAVE NOW OPEN THEIR FALL IMPORTATION OVELTIES FOR GENTLEM AND CHILDREN. In SIIk, Merino, Cashmere, Plain Fancy Bilbriggan and Cotton Mostery. “THE NOVELTY” Crepe de Sante Underwear, And a full fine of “CARTWRIGHT & WARNER'S” And other CELEBRATED MAKERS OF UNDERGARMENTS, IN SILK, MEDICATED CASHERE, AT LOW PRICI Broadway, corner 19th Street. Bridal Trousseaux aud Infant Wardrobes, READY-MADE AND TO ORDER. NOVELTIES IN RPazs Underwear {9th Street LADI XO, &e., &e and Lingezte. | DRESS SACQUES & MORNING WRAPPERS, | BOYS’ CLOTH KILT SUITS, 245 to 6 years of <4e: PANT SUITS AND OVERCOATS, 2 to 8 years of age. AND A FULL List oF Ladies’ and Childrens’ Furnishing Goods, &c., AT POPULAR PRICES. ARNOLD, CONSTABLE & CO., BROADWAY, COR. (Sth STREET. comicbooks.com