Puck — October 9, 1878 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. CLOSE QUARTERS. “It's a foine contortionist was thrown away in said Mr, O’Flanagan, gracefully changing his position, « Did you hear that ?" said Mrs. Penuckle to the Doctor. I did,” said the Doctor. Get up, my lord, and see what it was,” said Mrs, P, * Arise yourself, my angel,” responded the Doctor. 10. 8. “Sure, it’s india-rubber me bones is made of,” he soliloquized, getting in a new twist. 11. A compromise was effected, and they both got up. On reaching the kitchen they were met by the meat-safe, Mr. O'Flanagan furnishing the motive power, Macbeth, when he observed the approach of Birnam wood, was more dignified in his pal ay but the Penuckle family legged it quicker than Macbeth ever did in all his life. THE CHINESE EMBASSY. Wasuincton, D.C., Oct. 3, 1878. Dear Puck: [hasten (I wrote this a week ago, but forgot to mail it) to send you a correct report of the reception of the Chinese Embassy by the Presi- dent. It occurred last Saturday in the White House. I was there (just wait till you see my hotel-bifl), and so was the President. The Herald man wasn't there, He was up in F street; copying the Chinese letters on the chests in the Glate Amellican Tea Company’s store, because the Herald ordered exact copies of the original letters of introduction. (The manager of the tea company had previously copied the charac- ters out of the day-book and ledger of a Chinese laundry.) ‘The President and his Cabinet and 1 were loafing around the front yard, when we saw the Chinese folks coming up the street, some eating boiled rats with their fingers and teeth, and others balancing umbrellas on their chins; we ran in the house and stood around the parlor, looking as if we had been there until we were almost tired out. ‘Ihe Chinese folks rung the front-door bell, and the servant ran into the parlor to see if he should say we were in, or had “just stepped out.” I said I was in, and so did the Cabinet. The President is a little airish, so he waited till we had done, then he said he was in, too; that is, he ‘‘ guessed he was.” Then the Chinese folks were shown in. Chin-lan-pin wore a fancy table-cloth and two silk pillow-cases. He had a sort of a soup: tureen, upside down, un his head, and a big gold button on the front of his table-cloth. (By the way, wouldn’t it be a good idea for our Officials to wear a big button-o/e in their coats?) Yong-wing had a yellow shirt, worn @ /a Dickey Dout—i.e. with its narratives exposed—a soup- tureen, and green overalls. | Chin-lan-pin bowed—so did Yong-wing, so did the Cabinet, and so did I. The President waited a little; then he bowed. Presently Chin- lan-pin cleared his throat and spoke up as fol- lows: “How do? Me Chinaman flom San Flan- cisco, same time Hong-Kong. Me makee catchee one fat thing. Me come Mellikee, chop-chop, start um joss house in Washington. Makee heap muchee money. Me makee do nothing, alle time eat puppy dog, catchee lats | (ie. tats), cookee lice. Hab belly good time. | You come Chinaman’s house, me makec good | fleud. Bimeby me come your house, git diunk and laise hell. One man in China, he glate big man, lib in white house alle same Peking - he gibbee me much paper, tellee me makce gib paper to you, topside. You makee talkee alle same me time.” ‘The President had not understood one word of this, but I explained hurriedly that he was to take the paper and reply to the Embassy. “Fellow Chinese,” said the President, “I warm to you. Iamglad you escaped the ravages of the sea, and I'm glad Kearney was not in San Francisco when you landed there. I will look over the beautiful price-list you have | handed me, and if I find your rates for washing 9. But the bottom of iie meat-safe was not. ‘Now, il the dure was only open, it’s comparatively comfortable I'd be,” said Mr. O Flanagan, 12. ‘The neighborhood was aroused, and an attack in force was made upon the meat-safe. And THEN Mr. O’Flanagan emerged, placidly remarkin, lemen, it stroikes me oi've mistaken the house. Me excellent friend Misther Muldoon don’t happen to resoide here, does be 2” ~ gentlemen’s linen are reasonable, I'll drop my last week's bundle in your place on my way down-town in the morning.” I was chagrined, and so was the Cabinet — but there was a way out of the dilemma. The Embassy had not understood a word Mr. Hayes said, and Mr. Evarts promised to send them some choice sentiments written down ready for translation and shipment to China. Mr, Hayes attributes his unfortunate speech to pardonable ignorance, and to some champagne concealed in oranges that he partook of ata friend’s house in the morning. He enjoys the knowledge that the Hera/d unconsciously committed a similar error. I thought he'd choke with laughter when I read to him the “translation of the address” from the Hera/d, as an indignant member of the Embassy, who understood a little English, translated it to me. It ran like this: “ Cuinc-Lonc Launpry, “ Tuesday.—In come one man he say I losee one ticket, you gib me my clothes. I say you no got ticket I no got clothes. He kick up one bobbery makee damn. Same time hittee me with flat ilon, knock me out thlee my teeth, blake me my head, one p'leeceman makee catchee me, me gib one p'leeceman ten dollar, two p'leeceman ten dollar. P"leeceman makee lockee me up. Nex day me gib one m:n Judge twenty dollar, go home catchee one doctor.” Pui FuLter. We call good bread a loaf and ill-bred a loafer. 5 comicbooks.com