Puck — October 9, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. “PUCK”. No. 13 North William Street, New York FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. ‘TERMS To SUPSCRIBERS One Copy one year, or $2 numbers... ‘One Copy, six months, oF 26 numbers. ‘One Copy for thirteen weeks... Postace Fane. SFECIAL NOVICES. Puc will hereafter be on Sale i London, at the News Agency of Messrs. HENRY F. GILLIG & CO., 449, Strand, Channg. Crots Amencans in Paris, hitherto reduced to Punch". *“Fun"* and “Judy”, will now find their natural paper on file at the “Herald” Office, 49 Avenue de I'Opéra. We cannot undertake to return rejected communications, and to this rule we can make no exception. BQ Remittances by Money Order, etc., are to be addressed to Kepper & ScHWARZMA’ ‘SB Our advertising friends are only required to pay bill presented on the billheads of Puck, with our stamp itreesseo thereon. KEPPLER & SCHWARZMANN. CONTENTS. | The Chinese Embassy. | A Rhyme of the Rail | Editorial Scutlers. On the Providence Boat. | Raltades. | Frrzxoopte i Asenica, A Discreet Restaurant Keeper. Adieu Thomas, Gin ofthe Peried. randpa Cooper's Upas Tree. Gladstone for Prendent Courtney the Oareman iends. Concert Fiend. | 1 ANSWERS TO THE Anxious, Puck's Comedy Stories—The Traffles Patient Kitty. Puck's Excnances. IL Costuming as a Fine Art. Rhymes of the Day Close Quarters. Shanks the Pedestrian, ADIEU, THOMAS! returns. But what is Pat to Theodore? We never knew what we had until we lost it. So Pat returns to us with explanatory letters to the newspapers, while Theodore leaves us.in a halo of benefits. He has been benefited at the Garden; he has been benefited at Steinway Hall; and but for his sudden exodus he was to be benefited in our streets. The band which is led by the man who plays the extremely sharp piccolo, flat, had deter- mined to attack Wagner for a week and turn over its pennies to Theodore. But what is Theodore’s loss is their gain: ($1.13 as estimated—beer not included.) So with his honors and these losses Mr. ‘Thomas goes :o Cincinnati, He leaves a stupid people whom he tried to raise up to his musical standpoint, for another people who appreciate him in advance. They prove it by their dollars. We al! remember the pig-organ, by which an ingenious musician extracted music from the high squeal of the piggy to the deep grunt of the old porker by merely pinching their respec- tive tails. That was extracting music /rom pork. It is Mr. Thomas’s proud boast that he is carrying music 40 pork. He leaves the stupid people of the Metropolis to tickle the more delicate ears of Porkopolis, And those ears are larger. And they can wag. And the mouths (see cartoon) of the Porkopolis audiences can smile more openly, as it were, than the mouths of the unapprecia- tive in this benighted town. By-bye, Thomas! For all you have done for music Puck gives you God-speed. But in Por- kopolis — take care that the music of your audience does not drown the softer harmonies of your band. ee THOMAS goes and Gilmore THE GIRL OF THE PERIOD. Vt is often noticed that crimes are epidemic; that disasters follow each other, in kind, like waves upon the beach; that one rail- way disaster, one strange suicide, one mining explosion, is ever followed, within a few days, by other horrors of like nature. Recently a cow-boy unearthed the body of a beautiful girl, stuffed in a barrel. ‘The at- tempts to identify the body brought fathers and mothers from far and near, in vain endeavors to recognize the remains, And the result of their vain endeavors was CA that the public had it thrust upon them that | numerous beautiful girls had been led astray, had succumbed to temptation; had tried to hide their shame; and had—disappeared. The papers are filled with stories of poor un- fortunates, who throw away their misbegotten offspring, and are locked up in jail therefor; of pretty but frail ones, who meet their lovers in lonely woods and are found days after, with their throats cut— “nobody” being “to blame;” and the Potter's Fields all over the country are filled with unknown graves. Puck would like to be always funny; but this is not a funny subject. Puck’s ambition is to be a great public teacher, and in the face of terrors like these must not Puck tell the truth? Recently Puck took his dairy lunch; and the pretty maid who served him could hardly serve him that day, for she was meandering (the word is used advisedly) around a nice young man, who was persuading her to make an appointment with her that evening, in Madison Square. ‘That young man is well known at the Hotel Brunswick. That young man has often sat on the box seats of the prettiest coaches of the Coaching Club. That young man, also, is—married. Now tell us, please, how long before that young girl will be found, dead, in a barrel? ‘These are sad words, and Puck Aafes, aye, hates tg write sad words. But Hood wrote the “Song of a Shirt,” and he told the story of one more unfortunate. His words are indelibly imprinted on the hearts of all men. Can Puck follow in the footsteps of a nobler exemplar? But there is, after all, a ludicrous side to the question. The picture of a burly coroner, and a stupid justice, and a dozen or less’ of sleepy jurors, sitting in a hotel room, with drinks con- venient, trying, discussing, and adjudicating these horrible tragedies, has an element of the ridiculous in it, Puck could make a very funny picture thereanent. But with beautiful girls lying dead in bar- rels, floating dead in rivers, found mutilated in lonely copses, Puck has no heart tg be funny. Puck can only hope that these are his last sad words to say. GRAN’PA COOPER'S UPAS ‘TREE. HE 7ribune was right when it said that it f} was not Puck, but papa Cooper who made papa Cooper ridiculous. And it is a very unpleasant duty to tell unsavory truths about so good an old man. He has led a life of benevolence and useful- ness, But he has slipped into the last stage of Shakspere’s seven ages of man. He appears to be sans sense, ‘‘sans everything.” He is watering the roots of his greenback-tree, and he never sees the upas atmosphere which de- stroys everything around it; he never looks at the horrible fruit which it must surely bear. The clear result to the workingman can be easily seen. With plenty of greenbacks in cir- culation he can get plenty of work, and plenty of wages, A good stout hod-carrier during inflation times ought to receive about twenty- five dollars for a day’s work of six hours. Then, everybody being rich, and money plenty, he can strike and receive fifty dollars for a day's work of four hours. Then he will pay a dollar for his schooner of of beer, and beef will be seventy-five cents a pound, and flour $100 a barrel. Shoemakers will charge fifty dollars for brogans, house-rents will jump to horrible prices, and the elevated railways will raise their fares into dollars. But still the laboring man will be happy until —the debt has to be paid. When the whole country is mortgaged; When cities are laid waste; When Commerce is wrecked, and routes of transit are deserted, and another New Zealander sees a ruined waste where once rested the Unirep States;—then, when papa Cooper has been peacefully laid away to rest, the tree which he is so fondly nourishing will bear most terrible fruit. Please, papa Cooper, get a good shave, a “hair-cut,” and a cooling shampoo; sit down on your air-cushion, fan your overladen brow; read these words of Puck, go back on Allen and Butler, and be a better man. COURTNEY, THE QARSMAN, Mr. Cuartes E, Courrney, the defeated (?) oarsman at Montreal, may congratulate himself that the pressure of other subjects prevented Puck from honoring him with a first-page car- toon. We extend our heartfelt sympathies to those gentlemen who honestly laid their money upon him. GLADSTONE FOR PRESIDENT. Ir Gladstone gives us any more articles in the North American Review like “ Kin Beyond Sea,” Puck will endeavor to get him the Demo- cratic nomination for President in 1880. It is true that the Hawarden wood-cutter was not born in the United States, but if he crosses the Atlantic in the steerage and is smuggled in at Castle Garden, John Kelly and Sammy ‘Tilden will soon get over such little drawbacks, The trouble is that Conkling might not like it. Should Gladstone be defeated, he can always fall back on his axe—there is still a good supply of timber out west, and, as winter is coming on, he might even find employment east, and teach Kearney Greek, as Dennis sadly needs another language to swear in. A pretty French maid is a donne bonne, Like Joseph's coat, political dispatches are party-colored. Wuen a man marries a moneyed lady, can the alliance not be called a tin wedding—for him? “A woman in Bladensburg, Va., recently gave birth to three girls and two boys.” A full hand, by the living Jingo! 449 StRanp, London, is a very convenient sort of establishment for the American traveler who wishes to find out “how not to be done” in London, or in any other part of the tight little island, wnere there is such a loose way of doing so many things. Messrs. Henry F. Gillig & Co, are Bankers and Agents, and are proprie- tors of most comfortable Exchange and Reading- Rooms, and, above all, are English Agents for Puck. comicbooks.com