Puck — September 25, 1878 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IN THE FALL. In the fall a silent sadness to the drooping flowers cleaves, In the fall the woodland’s dreamy with the ‘frowfrou of the leaves— And the whir of the partridge, etc. In the fall the hazy gloaming with a purple glory burns, In the fall Miss Georgiana in the Bible places ferns— If she has a young man to help her gather them. In the fall above the valley, snowy cloudlets stretch for mil In the fall the Broadway windows are profuse with Paris styles— Much to the joy of the ladies, be it said. In the fall the merry songster leaves his pretty summer leas, In the fall the politician is divorced from rolls | of V’s— For reasons which require no explanation, In the fall all breasts with reverie are buoyant and elate, * In the fall a man will fondly kiss his pretty cousin Kate— Or Mary Ann, as the case may be. In the fall the soul of beauty dwells within the gardens sere, : In the fall we all are positive that winter's drawing near— ‘The other fall happeningsare too humorous to mention, —Graphic. ‘Tne Maine idea: Th. ‘un: d ——— er--rr--r Rochester Democrat. Mr. Biatve was in Utica on Thursday—not lost, but temporarily pent up.—AXochester De- mocrat. In the opinion of the Boston Zranscript, Noah kept his bees in ark-hives. — Oi/ City Derrick. ‘Tite largest pumpkin in the world will be on exhibition at forty-seven State fairs this month, —N. Y. Express. Israet. PurNast struggled through life with- ‘out a bloodstone seal-ring on his little finger. few York News. Tue ladies’ hair and the seat of a bad little boy's trousers will be worn banged this fall. — Phila, Krontkle-Herald, “Goats consume time,” says an observant contemporary. Yes; they consume everything but eternity—. HH. Register. ImmepraTELy after every hard wind, farmers come into town with choice lots of fresh hand- picked apples:—ome Sentinel. ‘Tne Lowell Courieure remarks that Clifton W. ‘Tayleure, the writeure, acteure, and au- theure, is added to the list of taileures.— Derrick. Woman's capabilities are great, but hardly sufficiently developed to allow of her driving a nail without hitting her finger. —/ulton Times, ‘Tits season’s yield of patent medicine alma- nacs contain more jokes and less tape worm than for some years past.— Norristown Herald, SirtinG Butt stays over the border and laughs in his sleeves at his Uncle. But is there anything merry-taurus in it ?—Phila, Bulletin. A “society” young man says it is cold enough now in the evenings to walk out with his girl and venture on the streets containing ice cream saloons.—Norristown Herald. | which a girl ladles out to her father for a day Wess Hayes's Fremont girl lives two miles out of town, and many a Sunday night has Webb-footed it out there to see the little duck. — Cincinnati Saturday Night. Norninc can exceed the intense affection or two before the time when she’s going to ask for a new dress.—Fudton Times, ‘Tuere is no more distressing spectacle in this world than that of a girl trying to cover a qyaarter of inch pimple with one eighth inch of court plaster.—/udon Times. ‘Tnere is a painfully unanimous demand for a clay pipe that won't dissolve partnership at the junction of the stem and the bowl the first times it happens to strike the floor. —/u/ton Times, ‘Tue man who “would not die in autumn” is supposed to have been a seedy politician, | who could not forget the fact that there are | more free drinks lying around loose a month or two preceding the election than during all the rest of the year.—Aorristown Herall. Somer recently-discovered inscriptions on burned bricks bring to light the astonishing re- velation that King Ahasuerus hanged Haman because he invented the accordcon and put the price down to one dollar and seventy-tive cents, so that every young man might have one.— Burlington Hawkeye, “How is the corpse 2" asked an Ann Arbor medical student of the pickler. ‘Ihe corpse ?” was the reply; “the corpse? Oh, it’s in the best of spirits.” For the proof of which he showed the liquor that it was put up in, —A’co kuk Constitution, EVER tell a blonde young lady that you wish she blonde to you.—Hackensack Repub- fican, Such puns won't bear toleration. There was a brunette a man once for no worse offense than that.— Yonkers Gazette, WHEN a woman gets a red spot on the end of her nose the world charitably remarks that her blood is out of order; but just let that red spot appear on a man’s nose, and everycne will declare they smell whisky as soon as they get Hg Ir would be quite refreshing to read a letter, written by some person who is visiting the St. Lawrence river for the first time, without find- ing in it an allusion to the “Canadian Boat Song."—Rome Sentinel. ‘Tue human lungs reverberate sometimes with great velocity “s When windy individuals indulge in much ver- bosity. ‘They have to twirl the glottis sixty thousand times a minute, And push and punch the diaphragm as though the deuce were in it. CuORL The pharynx now goes up; ‘The larynx with a slam Ejects a note From out the throat, Pushed by the diaphragm. —Harvard Advocate, ‘Tie golden leaves are falling in the bosom of the knoll, And the languid winds s liole; den o'er the flower-pots is sentimental, renely kiss the scarlet | And every bosom in the land is bounding now with joy With the exception of the ice-man’s, which isn’t. — Graphic. ‘Two old but penniless lawyers who attended | one of our churches yesterday, were highly | pleased with the sermon and congregation un- | til the pastor asked the choir to arise and sing “Come ye skinners poor and needy.” Then with a howl that could be heard above the double bass of the organ, the startled lawyers arose and fled, declaring that they'd never again enter the house of God to be insulted.— Fiat. Kronikle-Herald, | Iv is really consoling to read in the country | papers of the farmers drawing large loads of perfumed hay in town, “Oh, would we were a boy again,” on the dear old farm, in the | glorious country, up in the large barn, mowing within twenty feet of him.—/% Kronikle- Herald, Ay ingenious German has perfected an in- vention for “improving the tone of cheap vio- lins.”’ He should now turn his attention to the discovery of some effective method of shutting | off the wind of the asthmatic accordeon.— Haven Register. Tue Bible does not lie.— Have you never secn a Bible lying—upon a table?” And the page devoted to a record of births—does that always tell the plain, unvar- nished truth ?— Norristown Herald, “Tuere’s been ‘nother shower of flesh,” ex- claimed a small-boy, as he presented himself at the office of a country newspaper. “Ain't you mistaken ?” said the editor. “Naw l ain’t. There's a whole crowd rushin’ out to git some of the pieces.” “Where did it happen?” inquired the editor, with slight curiosity. “Right out here in the field,” replied the boy, sliding toward the door; “your boy Johnny fell out of a chestnut tree."”—Oil City Derrick. A CAREFUL observer says that -the person | who originated the contemptuous expression, “It is not worth a button,” had no correct idea of the import of that remark. He never knew what it was to depend upon a single button for the support of his pantaloons and have that button give out when he was waltzing.—Rome Sentinel, . It doesn’t, eh? | in the top-loft, the perspiration and hay-seed | streaming adown our back as we struggle with the avalanche of timothy which comes in clou while the hired man keeps up a persistent yell of, “Blast your picter; why don’t yer stir yer- self up there 2” —Bradford Breeze. | Actresses devise most ingenious plans to | secure free advertising. You never read of an | authoress falling down and breaking her nose, or burying a pet dog with grave ceremonies, or carrying a horseshoe in her pocket in memory of a favorite horse, or being run over by an | omnibus, or traveling with four cats, two dogs, a monkey, and a parrot, or narrowly escaping death by drowning, or have ten thousand dol- lars worth of diamonds stolen every six months or so—you never hear of an authoress, we say, | resorting to any of these dodges in order to call attention to a forthco:ning book.—Norristwon | Herald. | Every now and then the announcement is | made that the ex-Queen of Spain has sold her jewels for eight or nine hundred thousand dol- lars. ‘Chen in a few weeks follows a contradic- tion. It is our belief that the impression has t abroad that ex-Queen Isabella's jewels came from a ninety-nine-cent store. If her jewels are really worth a million dollars or two, and she wants to dispose of them, why doesn’t she come to this country and peddle ’em around among the newspaper offices. Editors are buy ing diamonds pretty nearly all the time. —or- ristown Herald, comicbooks.com