Puck — September 18, 1878 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

et beateess fe) f PUCK. PUCK'S COMEDY-STORIES. tereVI. THE TRUFFLES. - Adapted from the French of Evovan Maxtix and Atsrer Mon- sarx by B. B, Vatenriee, CHARACTERS: Mr. Epmunp Dawtisu. Mr. BorEALe (Aés o// cousin). Lucy (wife of Dawlish). Jane (a servant). Sceng—-Small drawing-room, tastefully furnished. Doors leading to other apartments nght and left. Lighted lamp on piano. Brackets with candles on the walls. Jane (alone), Yes, mad’am, that’s understood. I shall dress and go. These are the people for me. At any rate, they don't keep their servants locked up. Coachman, chambermaid and all may go out; and, what is more, have orders not to come home until midnight. That doesn’t annoy me. I shall go and dance at my cou- sin’s, the janitor of the apartment house in 34th Street; there’s a reception there to-night. How curious for a husband and wife to wish to re- main in the house by themselves. ‘There is some mystery. Epsunp (entering from his room). Why, you're still here, Jane. JANE. Yes, but I am just going. Epunp. Is everything ready ? Jane. The dinner that you ordered? Oh, yes, quite—everything except the turkey; that’s be- fore the fire, and must be looked after. Oh! it’s a beauty. EpMunb. That's all right. Lucy (coming out of her apartment). Oh, you are still here, Jane. ‘ANE. I'm just going, ma'am. (Aside) The same tune from her. Lucy. You haven't forgotten anything ? Jane. Nothing, ma’am. The sweets are on the ice. . Epun: Don't detain her, Lucy. Lucy. / detain her? It's more than an hour since I told her to go. Now go, go, Jane. ' EpMunb. Go, then. Jane (aside). What are they frightened of? Are they go- ing to commit acrime? (Aloud) Good-bye, ma‘am; good-bye, sir. (She goes out.) Epsunp. At last. Lucy. At last. Epsunp. We are alone. Lucy. Quite alone. Epmunp. My own love of a little wife. Lucy. My own treasure of a little husband. (Zhey sit on the sofa.] Epsunp. ‘We must now put our grand project into ex- . geution. Lucy. Acknowledge, now, that it was a good idea of mine. ary EpMunb. Of ours, madame. Lucy (raising her voice). Indeed? Prove it to me. Epmunp. I swear that I thought of it, but dared not mention it, Lucy. Mr. Edmund Dawlish is usually so timid. Epaunp. Yes; but I want to tell you what I mean, We have now been married a month, my dear Lucy, and we have been entirely monopolized by our friends—overwhelmed with invitations of allkinds. We have dined here, there, and everywhere except at home by ourselves. Lucy, 'Tis true we are married, and we don't know what housekeeping To-day we were invited to Aunt Mainwar- ing’s, with Uncle Mainwaring, that youngster, Tom, who is always crying, and his little sister. Nothing but Mainwaring. Well, I asked you if we were to write to them that my Lucy had a cold. Lucy (coughing). Oh, a terrible cold. Epmunp. If we pass this evening alone, far from all the Mainwarings in existence, we shall then have an opportunity of dwelling on the sweet memories of the past, the joys of the present, and the promise of the future. Lucy. I haven’t used such high-flown language. I took a pen and wrote to Aunt a big lie; and I said to you we shall have this evening to our- selves; we shook hands on it, and that’s all. Epmunp. Is that all? Lucy. Oh, yes, I believe that I kissed you. For- give me for forgetting it. Epmunp. I never forget good things. Lucy (rising). Your mother hasn’t forgotten the anniver- sary. Epmunp (rising). Yes, that dear old woman has sent us a thanksgiving turkey. It’s a Jersey custom. Lucy. We have kept it for this solemn occasion. Epmunp. After dinner there will be a grand reception. Mr. Dawlish will receive Mrs, Dawlish. Lucy. Mrs, Dawlislf receives Mr. Dawlish. There will be dancing. EpMunp. To the music of the piano. Lucy, Impossible! If you dance with me, who will play it? Epmunp. Well, then, I'll sing a waltz. Lucy. ‘And Mrs. Dawlish will accompany Mr. Daw- lish, Epmunp. In this style. [He waltzes with his wife, both singing.) Xi Lucy. ‘The accompanist does not keep time. ‘: EpMunp. I want to follow the piano. [He kisses Lucy on the cheek.] Who isit? » y<., Lucy (drawing back and laughing). Sir, it is not usual to kissone’s piano on both checks, Epunp. The evening begins well. For the first time in a month we can do as we please—not a visit to return. Lucy. No bores to receive. EpMunp. We are lovers once more, and can spoon just as we used to before we were married. Lucy (pushing him away gently). Be quiet and get the ball-room ready. Epmunp. Isn’t it ready ? Lucy. ‘The candles are not lighted. Epmunp. Just so. Let us light up. Lucy. You stand there. I'll get up here. [She gets on an arm-chair.] Epsunp. What! ‘This is getting serious. You're go- ing to light up. Lucy. 1 wil do my share of the work. The matches. I'll wager that I'll light my side quicker than you will yours. Epsunp. . I'll bet thac you can’t. But what's te be the stake? Lucy. We'll decide that afterwards. A penalty of some kind. Epmunb. Carried unanimously. Here’s a match. [ Zhey light—Lucy on the left, Epaunn on the right] Lucy, You go too fast. I give up. (She descends from the arm-chair.) Epmunp (stopping and gelling down). You confess yourself vanquished. You give up. Now for the penalty. Lucy (who has continued to light on the lef). ‘The penalty indeed. "Tis Lwho have gained the bet. Look at my brilliant illumination, It is fairylik EpMunp (on Sie other arm-chair), Indeed it's an underhanded piece of work. You have cheated, madam. Lucy (having got down), You silly man. You mustn’t play with fire. Epunp (with comic gravity). And now, madam, to what am I condemned? What is this famous penalty? What do you wish, my darling ? Lucy (suddenly). To give you a kiss. EpMmunp. I offer my cheek. Quick—quick. Lucy. Good gracious! there’s a ring. EpMunb. What a nuisance. We won't answer it. Lucy. It is Jane. . Epsunp. She is going to get rid of the bore. my kiss. T hear footsteps. Quick, Lucy. There it is. [ They embrace. “Janek enters.) Jane (passing her head through the door). Sir, there’s somebody here. Lucy and Epmunp. comicbooks.com