Puck — September 11, 1878 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

give instructions to my shopman, ‘Then I got inside the cab, and we started for Moor Lane Police Station, Fore Street, I hadn’t been seated long before I found that the prisoner's hands were free. “That's all right,” the inspector said, noting my look of surprise. ‘He's promised me to behave himself; and between ourselves, I don’t like to iron a man if I can get him to give in quietly. Besides, our designing friend, with all his cunning, knows who he’s got to deal with—that Iam more than a match for him. Don't you fear, sir; he won’t easily slip through my fingers!” “Well, at length we arrived at the station- house. I was the first to alight from the cab, and was about to enter the station. ‘I'he in- spector, still seated with his prisoner, called to me with evident annoyance: ‘There’s no | light in the superintendent’s room; we'll have to wait a little. However, there’s no help for it. You go into that room there, the first door on the right; you'll find newspapers and records there. Amuse yourself. I'll cage my bird— put him under lock-and-key (safe bind, safe nd, you know), and then I’ll come to you. I'll be here in a few minutes. If I remain away any length of time, ask for Inspector John Tricklet.... Pray do not mention our business to any living soul.”” “Like a fool and the unsuspecting jackass 1 was, I did as I was bid. I turned the handle of the door, and entered the room, a square dreary apartment, possessed of nothing to speak of save a huge deal table, four spindle-legged chairs, a map of London, and an almanac; and excepting a framed engraving representing a life-boat making slow progress over a boiling sea, the walls were bare of pictures, In my then state of mind the place seemed horribly monotonous. However, I took up the only newspaper the room boasted of, and seated myself to wait for the end. “It speedily came. I hadn’t been seated long before I heard the cab drive away. ‘Ah,’ I said to myself, ‘the man in blue ’s too econ- omical to let “cabby" wait; 1 suppose 1 shall be detained here some time. Was there ever anything so disagreeable!” ‘Fifteen minutes passed. During that time I fidgeted about. ‘here is no disguising the matter; I was terribly perturbed. The most idiotic thoughts passed through my brain. ‘What if,’ 1 found myself asking, ‘this sham clergy- man should eventually prove my destruction? What if, afterserving his punishment, he should out of revenge come to my shop and blow out my brains? What’. But I thought all manner of things which I won't bother you with. Suffice it that another fifteen minutes passed. I rose from my seat; but before | could move a yard towards the door, it opened, and a fine-looking old gentlemen —evidently the superintendent—stood before me. We were soon on good terms; | gave him my name and explained my advent, and explained why I was cooped up in what he called his ‘Private Inquiry Office.’ He seemed, when I had finished, tu labor hard to keep Jown a laugh. “Well,” he said at length, “you've been done nicely! But you have this consolation, that others have been bit—and toa pretty tidy tune too. You say you ate waiting for ‘1n- spector John Tricklet.’ ‘here’s no such party of that name connected with “és station. They've carried on a similar yame, varied a little, very successfully in all the large towns in Ireland, Scotland, and Wales, to say nothing about what they’ve done abroad. ... ‘Tricklet! Ah, a very apt name! The game’s been con- trived by a trick—and he—they —have let you in the hole.... You mustu’t suppose me a Jgb'’s-comforter when 1 say that dozens have béen swindled by these two clever vultures. ‘They are nothing else; they prey on their kind PUCK. as best they may. But this is poor talk, Mr. Filby. Let me assure you, to be serious, that all that can be done sha// be done. But what can we do? What can Scotland Yard do? ‘They can only issue a caution to tradesmen generally’ and put the matter in the Hue and Cry, which probably won't amount to much, And between you and me, Mr. Filby, I've re- peatedly thought (and very seriously too) ise they've got some of our fellows in their pay; 1 could all but swear it; for were it not so, | am confident they'd have been taken long ago.” “Heartily disgusted, I bade him a surly good-day, and hied me for my shop and count- ing-house fire. Its genial blaze, however, cheered me not. I was dispirited and cha- grined, and possessed of a deep-rooted idea that my hitherto clear brain had gotten a super- abundance of mud in it. I felt that I could tear my hair and beat my breast and yell out that 1 was profoundly miserable. “ But why dwell upon the matter. ‘The story is told. Suffice it then, for your behoof, that I never heard more of these two very original swindlers, and that therefore I got not the slightest return for my loss. I have hitherto, as I have previously told you, kept the matter a profound secret, so that sympathy even has not fallen to my share. ‘There! I’m heartily sick of the whole business, Call me a con- summate donkey, if you like, but don’t let me hear another word about the matter Ah! how the time has flown! Let us pull ourselves together, and go indoors and join the ladics.” —Chambers's Journal. Puck's Ferchanges. Humeukey Huvuarp had heard Hephzibah Huggins humming hymns hilariously, he having helped Hephzibah homeward. Humphrey han- kered hugely, harboring handsome Hephzibah heartwise. He had high hawthorn hedges hid- ing handsome house, harnessed horses hauling harrows, he hocing hills, helping herdsmen, hewing ‘hemlocks, hackling hemp, harvesting hops, hunting hawks, hurting hatching hens. Hephzibah, helpful housekeeper, hemmed hand- kerchiefs, hoarded honey hitherto hived, heeled hose having holes, handled harpsichord har- moniously; happy Hephzibah? Her honest homely happiness hit Humphrey heavily. He hovered, handsomely habited, hinting humbly how Hephzibah had harried his heart. Heph- zibah honored his hearty homage. Hating, however, haphazard haste, Hephzibah hung her head, halting, hemming, hawing, hoping Hum- phrey had harmless habits, hypocritical, hesi- tating Hephzibah! He held her hand hope- fully, hungrily humoring her. Happily, Heph- zibah heeded her hirsute hero. Hymen hitched Humphrey Hubbard-Hephzibah Higgins, he hugging her, happily hysterical. Henceforth husband helped housewife hop hornpipes, hold- ing honeymoon holiday, hardly hearing ‘harle- quins howling hallelujahs, hailing house-warm- ing. Ha! ha! Ho! ho!— Pitla, Bulletin, Roration in office is best. Certain clerks of the water works department of Philadelphia have been robbing the city for ten years. months is long enough to keep a clerk who plays poker, or who shows signs of excessive piety.—New Orteans Picayune. § ES “LINES TO WEBB. C. HAYES, On his approaching Nuptials, by his Friend and Pre ceptor, W. K. ‘The fairest flower, The rose, the pink, the peony, the fragrant hollyhock, The gentle crocus, Aaron’s rod, or four o’clock : Go cull it, Webb, and in that tender hour That calls thee eager to thy lady's bower, Bear it along and let it chastely kiss ‘The alabaster nostrils of thy Western “Miss”; And, while she breathes the perfume, let her see And read these lines, inscribed by me to thee. By me To thee! And to thy bride, respectfully: O happy day, forsooth, ‘That brought about this rare coincidence Of youth and blameless innocence: Of innocence and youth! In her ‘The thirteen Graces all their charms combine; And may I add, O sir, The seven Muses’ rarest gifts are thine ? I know the blushing diffidence that hides From vulgar eyes thy deep poetic soul, And better, it may be, than all the world besides, I know the music of thy fancy’s restless roll, Thy genius, Webb, the proper moment bides; In secret now thy passions flow and ebb— ‘They'll burst anon, O Webb! Mild, call they thee ? They little dream that like a lion in his lair Lurks the strong spirit that can do and dare Beneath thy modesty! Have they forgotten the brave Webb who stood Alone, heroic, at the tiller of the Grant, And whose bold breast the angry, tossing flood Could sicken, but not daunt ? As at that tiller ‘Thou stoodst through six long hours of peril, calm, So may Miss Miller Find safe reliance in thy slender, nervy arm; And as thy wife Be steered through life Beyond the reach of harm. O blessed day, in truth, ‘That consummates this rare coincidence Of youth and manly innocence, Of innocence and youth! Webb C., To thee, And to thy lovely She, my most respectful compliments. — N.Y, Sun, THE. CANTELOPE. Its firm and fragrant rind along each fold Of grayish green reveals a stripe of gold; And when the knife is cleaving through the seam ‘The fibre gently yields like frozen cream; ‘Then from the pores the lucent nectar wells As freshest honey from its broken cells. ‘There is no fruit that can completely cope In luscious sweetness with the cantelope; If ripe, by these few hints you'll quickly con it; And. as for dressing —you want nothing on it. —G.W. Elliot in Graphic. Puck presents a picture of James Gordon Bennett astride of his favorite nag, and calls him “Our Standing Candidate” for Mayor. “How can he be a standing candidate when he is sitting ?—Norristown Herald. comicbooks.com