Puck — August 28, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“PUCK”. No. 13 North William Street, New York. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Terms To SUBSCRIBERS. ‘One Copy one year, or s2 numbers.+ One Copy, six months, or a6 numbers. ‘One Copy for thirteen weeks... SPECIAL NOTICES. Puck will hereafter be on Sale in London, at the News Agency of Messrs, HENRY F. GILLIG & CO., 449, Strand, Charing Cross. Puck may be had in Saratoga at BRENTANO’S new store. opposite Congress Park. Americans in Paris, hitherto reduced to ‘“Punch"’, “Fun"’ and “Judy”. will now find their natural paper on file at the ‘*Herald”* Office, 49 Avenue de 'Opéra. sa Remittances by Money Order, etc., are to be addressed to Kerrier & SCHWARZMANN. CAR] TOONS. THERE was, we read upon the Gospel’s page, In old Judea once a herd of swine (Though based upon authority divine, The tale is somewhat doubted in this age), Who, wallowing in the fields, serene and sage, Were suddenly driven by a spirit malign (Or, in vernacular phrase, they “took a shine”) To rush, like untamed beasts from out the cage, Or men on Saturday nights who seek their wage, Bey Down a steep place into the foaming sea. The miracle repeats itself— behold ‘This porcine crowd inspired with maniac rage, As in their bonnets were the traditional bee— Would that their end were as those swine of old! Yea, in these days a voice shall cry “Beware!” ‘And no man heed it. At our very door, Fed full with life, and yearning yet for more, With senses quickening at the noxious air, And all the foulness of the city fair, Stands the unspeakable monster who before Made desolate the southern fields, and tore Fresh wounds in hearts that had too much to bear. . And lo! he comes to us as he did there— His feet are on our threshold, and the breeze Fills all our nostrils with his threatening breath. And all know this, and none take heed nor care, Meanwhile the enemy, seeing us sleep at ease, Seals the town his, even with the seal of Death, Our German-American fellow citizen It is who will especially tumble to The picture on the last page. But for you, O native reader! mark it well, and then This hasty tribute of a fluent pen [As 'tis its duty, let’s remark, to do] May help you in some manner to see through Its meaning. Therefore, let’s try back again: It doth appear that there are several men Who run the Volks-Fest business, as it were. And Keppler means to give away the ring There is the Brewer, with the girth of ten; ‘The Advertising Fiend, the Costumer— Now dost thou see how works the ancient thing? PUCK'S STANDING CANDIDATE THE MAYORALTY, OUR STANDING CANDIDATE. Tue picture we present above will be recog- nized by all New Yorkers, and will infallibly elicit their enthusiastic suffrages. The “Young Man” of the Hera/d has endeared himself to all hearts by many truly American eccentrici- ties, and thongh his recent absence in Europe has somewhat dimmed the vivid outlines of his adolescent fame, enshrined by his countrymen in memory’s sacredest arcanum, yet we feel sure that he has but to enter the City Hall to impress his individuality anew upon the minds of all who have known him. It has long been felt that we need more variety in the style of our Mayors. There is a certain monotony about the old-fashioned pattern, who either do nothing at all, or steal with diplomatic moderation. It cannot be denied, for instance, that to the casual foreigner visiting New York the Mayor is no attraction. Nobody goes to his office as one of the sights of the town, He is never pointed out with pride as an entirely new and original American institution. There is, to put it practically, no draw to him. What we want is novelty, If we elect Mr. James Gordon Bennett to the mayoralty we shall get it. Think of it—in the words of the classic his- torian—think of it, Hannah! The mayoralty with Polo trimmings! An athletic and acro- batic chief of the city! A hurricane in the chair of Havemeyer There will be no more monotony about the official duties when Mr. Bennett is mayor— j when the City Hall Park is turned into a Polo ground—when racks of dumb-bells and Indian clubs take the place of dusty pigeonholes— when the acrobatic incumbent will receive delegates of dissatisfied workingmen in the awe-inspiring attitude of the defiant gladiator, and solemnize marriages while standing on his head. People of New York, rally to this standard! Press where you see the white oriflamme of Puck, and vote for James Gordon Bennett for Mayor. Now soon the politish Who is after a posish, Fat and dear, Will talk and make a noise As he freely treats the “boise” To their beer. Parkerings. A apy of collar—Umber Ella, Too good to last— Eli Perkins’s silence on any subject. ‘THE question which now arises is: Is Rarus | from Ohio? Wuy does Kearney take off his coat when he orates? Probably to “cool his tissues.” Senp the Indians a ton or two of penny whistles, and let’s hear no more of their un- tootered minds, THE man who is not afraid of war or yellow fever, is generally afraid to take out a paper of tobacco in the presence of a crowd. Timel (As measured by the Horse Railway Directors.) Conductors’ dinner “hour” —7 minutes. Horses’ dinner “ hour "—Half-a-day. ‘Tuere is nothing like being matter-of-fact and to the point. A Jersey City church has a sign in the vestibule which reads: ‘ Smoking not allowed.” Cuartes Reape is certainly sincere in his ambidextrous theory. He himself carries it into practice—even to the extent of raising a left-handed family. He is a wise man who, when he goes to church in the country, kas the forethought to take with him, as an antidote, a Japanese fan and a paper of fine-cut. Wuen an artist climbs over a fence to get a nearer view of a handsome bull-dog, he must take the chances of his sketching the dog, or the dog's ketching him. Tue pall of gloom that has recently rested over the entire community is accounted for by the return of the Hon. F. Fitznoodle from Europe, where he has been making a brief tour. Mark Twatn has named a dog “ Jo Cook,” he says, ‘because I can’t understand him, ‘There are depths in that dog's nature that I haven't fathomed.” Why doesn’t he hang some of his villainous puns upon that joke-hook ? AN IMPROVEMENT ON ington Hawkeye.” The Parson on the sea shore stands, His hair is wet with spray; He bends his head, he clasps her hands And meets her lips half way. Tue thrill of rapture which passes through a man when a pretty girl puts her pearly arms around his neck and kisses him, is not precisely the same as the feeling which takes possession of him when he rolls up his sleeves to wash in the morning and ascertains that there is no waier in the pitcher. Manoa (who has been screaming at the top of her voice for over ten minutes, to Johnny, who has just crawled down from the hay-loft). “You naughty, naughty, boy, why didn’t you answer me before? Jounny (very innocently). Weally and truly, mamma, I didn't hear you till you called free or four times.”