Puck — August 14, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

cE PICK: No. 13 North William Street, New York POR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Terms To Suascriners Qne Copy one year, or 52 0 One Copy, six months, or 26 Que Copy. ve MANAGING Eorror. SPECIAL NOTICES. London, at the News Agency Puck will hereafter be on CO.) 449, Steand, Charing of Moses. HENRY F.C Puck may be had in Saratoga at BRENTANO’S new store, opposite Congress Park. Remittances by Money Order, ete., are to be addressed to Kerrier & SCHWARZMANY. CARTOONS. Cotvspians! welcome from a foreign shore, Upon your fronts the victor’s wreath of bay, From British brows at 'Enley borne away, To add to those we won by our marksmen’s score. May you live a hundred thousand years, and more— If that is not sufficient. As you'd say: Hooroar! C-O-L-U-M-B-L-A! is intellectual speech we have heard before.] querors with hands unstained by hostile gore! We greet you, and we pat your biceps grand With joyous pride no shade of envy dulls. Yet one sweetly solemn thought comes o’er and o'er To Puck—could you not also pay, brave band, Attention to another kind of skulls ? Tue question before which in terror cowers Hewitt’s Committee, which would quite non- plus A “biger man” than he, may be stated thus: Kearney, who must be howling at all hours, And ain’ upgathered now, like sleeping flowers; The Communist, who to the ‘ newspaper cuss” Bears his wronged bosom quite promiscuous; The Tramp who urearned bread. (and meat) devours— These things are too much with us, by the wers!— The Politician, with the superfluous gall— What shall we do with these? How give them cash? That is the interrogation point that towers Aloft. Puck suggests: Dynamite them all— Deluge the land with grateful showers of hash. ‘Tue lion is old, wearied, and well-nigh spent— To catch his prey he apes the fox’s craft, And with the Church, whose temporal power he laughed To scorn, now craves alliance impotent. Ah, well he moe old man, with whole soul ent On holding from his lips death’s bitter draught, ‘Titans of anarchy now forge the shaft Some day to strike him down—when forth is sent, Sealed to destruction with Hell's sacrament The awful spirit of rict, and death, and wrong The terror of his old age and feebleness— And so his failing force with his foe's has blent: While in new ways where Freedom is growing strong, Oppression’s iron heel falls pitiless. FERRY TICKETS. > HERE is something particularly charming yD) about ferry-tickets. Is is true, they are not zxsthetical to any great extent, nor have they psychological affinities; but at the same time there is that about them which sends tintinnibulations of joy through the soul which is susceptible of poetry and music. The great charm about them is that they cannot be exchanged for beer, and a man who has a package in his possesion is comparatively safe so far as getting across the river is con- cerned. On each of these tickets can be found the autograph of the president so miserably exe- cuted as to be almost undecipherable. ‘This ought to make it solid with autograph hunters, Then there's a life-like portrait of a ferry boat on every ticket, which places it on a high plane as a work of art. We don’t know that the ferry-ticket has ever received a fair and conscientious criticism or that it has ever been subjected to analysis. That is probably the reason that such an in- soluble mystery surrounds it. We should like Mr. Emerson and Prof. Doremus to take the ferry-ticket in hand and give the world their views on it. This is an age in which people yo crazy over trivial things and don’t notice important ones. If the aforementioned phi- losopher and chemist will take a hold of it, no doubt the world will await their replies with bated breath, and Puck will give them space to ventilate themselves. Puck always holds forth a friendly hand to the down-trodden and persecuted, so he does to the ferry-ticket. H. J. MonTaGve died in San Francisco, August sith, 1878, Dead in the very blossoming of life, ‘When all must praive the flower t He will never know how poor at Te the success that crowns—with ru CLEARLY A BRITON’S WORK. ‘Tue English are always doing something out of the way. Either a traveler goes astray from the truth, or a sailor scores an impossible nauti- cal triumph, or a national humorist makes his advent, or something of the kind. The nation is frequently stirred to the depths by some social, religious or political excitement. The waves of arzument rush across the island, and the flame of strife marks its way before serenity is restored. But this never causes the true Briton to lose his equilibrium, or forego his pun. The story of ‘‘ Red Riding Hood” is toler- ably well known. An Englishman went about the work of making it funny, As a sample of his gaiety we quote: — “Among the characters are: “Colin, a model of constancy in a sea of muddles—the lover of Blondinette—whom he misses from the hamlet and seeks for by every Brook(e) until he’s Fech’ der -a personage whose motives are not precisely knotty, and whose representative (Miss Cecily Nott) is pre- cisely (Cecily) not. “Baron Reginald, a heavy villain, who, when others are not villin’, makes light of their objec- tions—the would-be abductor of Blondinette, who finds he is sold when she 'aé duck’ed her- self to escape him—a crooked tempered lot— in fact a lot awry (lottery). “ Florizette—who pined in a legend airy — primeval in her notions, but prime good in her disposition. “ Blondinette, a pretty little dear, a nice little duck and a good little soul, capitally combining the best qualities of fish, flesh and fowl, dressed in a variety of styles, but always flavored with her own piquant sauce and first-rate capers.” Puckerings. Wuen an editor declines a funny article he does a very funny thing. R.K, Munxitrrick and Wild Oats are di- vorced. Both are heavy losers. Aout the only time that a woman is unable to articulate is when she is opening a can of tomatoes with a dull hatchet. Some people think beefsteak is no good with- out onions, but it is our opinion that onions are no good without beefsteak. AN exchange says, “Pennsylvania now re- joices in the possession of a six-legged colt.” Well, let her rejoice; what of it? THe people who look upon organ-grinder as impostors, will never so much a, speak un- charitably of fifth-rate opera-singers. THE man who will smile on a traducer will take umbrage and look sour on the waiter who brings him a glass not quite filled with beer. ALTHOUGH the tramp can't be said to be deeply attached to business of any kind, he is always interested in the welfare of breadstuffs. Iris all well enough to indulge in oysters out of season, but the man who wants to be criticised should just indulge in an ulster out of season—once. Wuat is the use of handing clothing cir- culars to pedestrians? Men who have decent clothes won't purchase, and men who have not, generally can’t. A snowy, dimpled cloud tossed into all kinds of fantastic shapes is an enchanting sight. It is delicious; but, at the same time it can’t hold a candle to a plate of fish-balls, Some poet says it is pleasant to sit in the wood alone. We think so, too, but at the same time, we don’t think the situation would be marred by the presence of a pretty girl. Tue only way to gain speedy and general recognition, and be the observed of all obser- vers and the cynosure of all cyes, is to open a copy of Puck on a crowded ferry-boat. A TOOTH-BRUSH that sheds bristles will do more to exasperate a man than anything else we know of, unless it be drinking soup at a table with one leg shorter than the others. A WesTERN paper, noted for its enterprise, gives a full account of the causes which led to the Revolution. But it didn’t say a word about the ball-clubs and how they stand in their race for the championship pennant. LETTER FROM KEARNEY, which we publish, leaving out the objection able words. To the Editor of Puck: Dennis KEARNEY. (And it looks like a telegram.—Ep.)