Puck — August 7, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. “PUCK”, No. 13 North William Street, New York FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Jxrus To Sunscriers. One Copy one year, or 52 numbers... One Copy, six months, or 26 numbers One Copy for thirteen weeks. Postack Free. H.C. BUNNER......:.Mawacine Eorron. SPECIAL NOTICES. Puc will hereafter be on Sale in London, at the News Agency of Messrs. HENRY F. GILLIG & CO., 449, Strand, Channg Cross, Puck may be had in Saratoga at BRENTANO'S new store, ‘opposite Congress Park. Amencans in Paris, hitherto reduced to ‘ Punch’ “Judy”, will now find their natural paper on file at the ‘“Herald”* Office, 49 Avenue de 'Opéra. se@e Remittances by Money Order, etc., are to be addressed to KerrLer & SCHWARZMANN. CARTOONS. Dana the Terrible—may his tribe increase: ‘And emigrate—is slightly gone on Beer. The spirit that lurks within its amber clear Has taken hold of him. As from old Greece Bold Jason voyaged for the Golden Fleece, So through the sea of Lager doth he steer— Our newer Jason—knowing naught of fear: Seeking, ches Hollender, Pfaff, Koster, Thiess, ‘The Five-Cent Schooner—nay, nor will he cease Till the Teutonic Kellner, crushed and awed, With Three-Cent Seidel wooes the victor’s smile, Meantime, with faint fond hopes of possible peace, He on whose brow is set the Stamp of Fraud Murmurs: ‘I’m safe, now, for a little while,” Lo, bearing up a world whose grandeur pales The burden of old Atlas into naught, Bent to a mightier task than his who fought ‘The Nemean monster: his who braved the gales Of the mad Hellespont: his whose venturous sails First the sea-breeze through Hercules’ pillars caught— A mightier than all these —mightier than aught Attempted yet—he struggles up, nor fails, Despite the cynic world that ‘round him rails. With feet unfaltering, and untiring hands, And hopeful resolution in his face, The Founder of the Reading Room for Males, And Females, aged but aggressive stands With one air-cushion on his awful base. Like to that “ Villain” of the Ethiop stage Who “still pursued” his victim as she fled, We hear of thee, O Howard! at the head of mighty legions, filled with noble rage, Seeking thy thirst for go-ar to assuage At the expense of myriads savage-bred. We do not hear that thou hast freely bled, O Howard! We do not. For thou art sage— ‘Thou drawest regular thy monthly wage But the gay dispatch thou drawest not so mild. Not that we think thou writest eastward lies! Far from it. He has read on History’s page He fears a Freedmen’s Bank in the western wild, ‘And the carmine epidermis turns and flies, Puckerings. Sun-sTROKE—dog daze. STERN necessity—the rudder, VospurcHtana is what one of our exchanges heads a wife-poisoning article. : Twese are the days when the unwary fly Gets intermingled with the cherry pie. Ir Lucretia Borgia were living now, the pro- babilities are that she would be a minister. A sMALL-poy and a gun are harmless when apart, but they make a terrific combination. WHEN a man buys gold, he generally gets full weight, but this is seldom the case when he purchases ice. Ir it cost anything to go to church, people who never go now would run around like wild men for free passes. ‘Tramps may not be so polite and refined as the residents of Fifth Avenue, but then they are not so loud and vulgar in their dress. Men who understand the science of cause and effect are at a loss to know why horse-car conductors have such a passion for amethyst rings. Tue virtues of patent medicines may be thoroughly appreciated by reading newspaper encomiums, but this is not the case with sherry cobblers. PeopLe who pronounce it snout Instead of the more vulgar snoot, Somehow, instead of saying route, Say route. One of the most disgusting things known is to have ajvest which hasn't sufficient longitude to enable it to connect with the trousers, espe- cially when the shirt billoweth between the two. Noruine tries the patience of a man more than to be sitting on a sofa in a dark room with a pretty girl, and be compelled to listen to her brother giving the history of a base-ball club. Ir a man wants a hundred-dollar diamond rig, he can purchase it no matter where he may be; but when he needs a postal card he may run his legs off in vain and not be able to find one. “Dr. Carver can knock a hole in a silver dollar every time.” So can we, every time we take our girl for a walk down a street that boasts an ice-cream saloon—and a deuced big hole it is, too. ‘Tue smile with which a man puts his name down for a book, contrasts wonderfully with the expression which crests his countenance when the agent calls to deliver said book and de- mand payment for it. Wuen a man is reading advertisements in search of a situation, and suddenly discovers that luxurious board can be obtained in the mountains and at the seaside for ten dollars a week—There's no use of trying to analyze his | feelings. No boy of the period will admit that he has acquired a sufficient degree of toughness, until he can smoke through his nose without choking. Wuen a man has a hole in the toe of one of his socks, and is pulling on a tight boot, and the sock works up around his instep, then it is time to ask him his private opinion of Pan- theism as an orthodox doctrine. Ir a man works for a week and gets nothing for his labor, he takes it as bad luck and says nothing; but when he spends five minutes in sharpening a lead-pencil and the point breaks off, he jumps around like a madman. Now is the time that the fair school-teacher goeth into the country to spend her vacation and present her moral small-boy relatives with the jack-knives, balls, &c., which she has con- fiscated from her pupils during the year. Wuey a man falls off a horse he goes to the hospital (if he isn’t killed) and takes the whole thing in good part, but when he simply trips and falls in the street he gets up and swears and dances, and isn’t himself for ten minutes, OUR PARTICULAR FRIENDS OF THE PRESS, Each shines with a separate splendor Like the stars where blue heavens spread wide: May they never grow dull, or suspend or Get down to the patent outside. Ere the gold of his lager-beer mellows, Ere the foam on the schooner grows less, Puck pledges the jolly good fellows— His friends of the Press. There's his excellent ally the Derrick, Whose Parodies sparkling and bright ‘The public receives with hysteric Wild cachinnatory delight: There's the jovial Norristown Hera/d, Whose wit makes Puck now and then guess ‘That they number a young Douglas Jerrold— His friends of the Press. There's the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle, ‘That has long won a well-deserved fame— [We'd say more, but no rhythm euphonic’ll Rhyme with that two-barreled name.] Another sheet of repute and solidity The same happy town doth possess, Whose coming Puck hails with—avidity— His friend the Express. Of the classical Hawkeye of Burlington, In rhyme allowed only to Puck, He will say: Burdette’s genius is whirling’t on To better and better good luck. And the kind Philadelphian fist of The Budletin—whom may years bless— Puck shakes—a name high on the list of His frienc's of the Press. Nor is it at all his intention, Though brief is his space, to forget To make warm complimentary mention Of the much-esteemed Yonkers Gazette: And his debts to the bright Every Saturday Of Baltimore, Puck must confess. And to end will aver he’s not flattered a Friend of the Press, :| No, indeed - most sincerely he treasures This circle of kind-scissored friends; He wishes each a lifetime of pleasures— To each a frank flipper extends. If some names are left out, now he’s sung his Light song, let him wish them success Included with others among his Particular friends of the Press. comicbooks.com