Puck — August 7, 1878 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. ES, “A SPECIAL PLEADER!” Imacine that you're far away from town, Forgetful of the City’s noise and worry— A ‘“rusticater ” (please excuse the noun) Exploring leisurely a spot in Surrey. Just picture cornfields spread on cither side, And meadows dotted here and there with daisies, Where Mistress Nature, like a sweet girl-bride, Compels the passer-by to murmur praises, Imagine that, beyond, the river Thames Winds like a serpent, in the sunlight flashing, With dancing wavelets glistening as gems, ‘That kiss the shore melodiously plashing. Observe the cots, of architecture quaint, ‘That nestle in the valley (they'll remind you Of pictures such as Creswick loved to paint), And contemplate the Surrey hills behind you. ‘Then suddenly imagine you can hear ‘The sound of voices; and behold new-comers, As if by magic on the spot appear— A lover with a maid of nineteen summers. Of course you'll wisely seek another track— Third parties are de ¢rop where sweethearts wander; But still imagine there come wafted back Stray whispers from the meadows over yonder. “ Ifyou refuse me, dear, my hopes are wrecked!” (Remember, you're supposing these proceed- ings); “Say yes, sweet love!” or words to that effect: ‘They're rather similar, these lovers’ pleadings. ‘Then picture to yourself the maiden’s cheeks, Suffused with blushes as she lists his story; And strive to fancy, as he fondly speaks, Her eyes illumined with a love-lit glory. And shen suppose, though first she seemed in- clined ‘To hesitate, all doubt she quickly scatters, Accepts him, and their lips—well, never mind, /'m not supposed to mention kissing matters! * * * * 2 Some time ago a maiden and a youth Were really there, exchanging love-vows fervent. I knew the lady—and, to tell the truth, ‘The lady’s lover was your humble servant! —Henry C. Newton in Tinsley's. Magazine. A New York music firm advertises the “Pins and Needles Galop.” We bet they'll get stuck on that.—Norr. Herald, Tue Brooklyn Union-Argus believes in cat- teazers, thinking they may peradventure keep politicians off the fence.— Buffalo Express. Tue boy with a stone bruise is all right till the boy with a big stone bruise and a mashed toe comes into the neighborhood to demand adoration and respect.—Free Press. In looking over our exchanges, we find that every one-horse grove where a Fourth of July address was delivered was a “grand old forest” with “patriarchal trees” or “‘ gnarled oaks.” —Oil City Derrick. Wuen an English paper captures an Ameri- can joke it chops off the head, chisels out the point, sets it up backward, and gives its read- ers a dish of wisdom that tastes like fresh meat after a long sea-voyage.— Breakfast Table. Tue boaconstrictor at the Philadelphia Zonlogica Gardens has been swallowing an army blanket under the impression that he was getting a new kind of raspberry shortcake.— Detroit Free Press. THE CREAM OF THE BUCKET. CONSOLATION, It is warm this month, but we shall not notice it so much in January.— Graphic. PERTINENT. Did the early Christian Fathers take summer vacations ?— Cin. Breakfast Zable. FACT. ‘The breath of scandal is beyond the control of cardamon seeds.— New York News. QUERY OF A DISEASED IMAGINATION, A doctor's fees, for instance, would you call them ill-gotten gains ?— Phila. Bulletin. SOUND ADVICE. ‘Take your ear of green corn at both ends, in both hands, and fear neither man nor colic. — Detroit Free Press. A NEW READING, So live that when thy summons comes—you won't fear the constable who serves it on you. —Cin, Saturday Night. HE IS. An editor is a man who chronic’es the depar- ture of other people for the cool and delicious summer resorts.— Rochester Democrat. FORCE OF HABIT. A St. Louis coroner, who was formerly a base-ball man, instructed his jury to bring in a ‘verdict of ‘‘out on a sun-strike.”"—Oi/ City Derrick. CRUEL. ‘An exchange says: “Gen. Beauregard will leave Louisiana.” We suppose then Louisiana, has no handles to carry it by?—Burlington Hawkeye. WE BLUSH. Olive Logan has discovered a new trans- parent, and highly expensive stocking —Z£x. Was it on her 1— that is, was it loaded ?— Norristown Herald. TEMPERATURES MU1ANTUR, Since the weather has grown cooler St. Louis citizens walk in the sun, shake their fists at it, and threaten to knock its darned head off if it strikes them. St. Louis always was a brave city. —Phila. Kronikle- Herald. THAT'S SO. The persistent wretch who is always asking, “Ts this hot enough for you?” will get his reward one of these days, When a dark-com- plexioned old person with horns shall lead him in, crying, ‘1s “és hot enough for you?” he will understand all.— Louisville Courier-Journal, THE CORRECT CARDS. “Ophelia” writes to ask if sacred history mentions card-playing. Certainly, my dear girl. Moses “led” for the children of Israel, and when the latter got to Jordan they “ passed.”” Solomon ‘ordered up” the temple, Balaam “held a jack,” and the seven priests before Jericho took the city by “ playing their seven trumps.”— Whitehall Times, FROM ST. LOUIS, Beside the grand old ocean She stood in rapt devotion With a look that seemed to grasp some visionary land; Then turned about her paces, One of the bare-foot graces, And her fairy feet retreating made post-holes in the sand. —Boston Post. NO FLOWERS. A tramp recently entered a restaurant and called for a bowl of chowder. ‘Ihe waiter, measuring his capacity, brought him a tureen of the beverage, and a lively stirring thereof revealed the presence of a sample of half-hose. “See here,” said the prospective diver, recall- ing the waiter, “isn’t there some mistake here? I called for chowder, and this is sock-stale soup!” There were no flowers.— Yonkers Ga- selle, SUMMER RESORT NOTES. (From the Derrick.) — People who spell Coney Island with a K say they prefer Newport, ‘as them places as is near the city is too awful common for any- thing.” — Johnny Morgan, who plays the organ, and whose father plays the drum, has been arranged as a waltz for dancers at the summer resorts; also the tune in which Emma is called upon to whoa. — The “Keramic” bathing-suit is the latest. It is made of gaily figured cloth, and makes the bather look like a collection of foreign postage stamps. — Roéze advertises Richfield, Potter’s com- mittee Atlantic City, the races Saratoga, and the Fitz-John Porter trial West Point. All the other places properly advertise in the news- papers. ~~ Those garden parties they give at Newport are truly delightful. You sit under the trees and drink tea with spiders in it, and eat cake on which there are ants and other relatives holding a mass-meeting. — Staten Island wants no sympathy, and is doing as nicely as possible. The St. Mark Hotel is full; so, too, is the Pavilion, and everything is lovely. ‘The goose has attained the elevation prescribed by law. — Farm-houses have had all the wind taken out of their sails this season by the reduced prices at the hotels, and the farmers are using expressions that would make the hair ofa Cardiff Giant stand on ends. ‘Tue newspaper man who writes about “ye local” is only one remove from the hopeless idiot who talks of ‘wee sma’ hours,” “creme de la creme,” and “dinna ye hear the slogan.” —St. Louis Journal, And he should be yoked to the chap who uses “launched into eternity” for hanged, and “ Reynard" for fox.—Norris- town Herald. And after his “demise” should be “interred” without “‘obsequies,”—Xochester Express. “T have no objections to talking with a par- son,” said 2n Arkansas murderer, “‘ but it seems to me that I need all my time for getting my hair cut for the exhibition at 12 o’clock shal . I want to look decent before the crow Free Press. Arter lying down on our back, 4 la Creed- moor, roosting on the ventilator, and standing on our head, we were so fortunate as to dis- cover which side up one must look at the mag- nificent wood-cut illustration of Rainbow Falls, Watkins Glen, which appeared in last week's Livonia Citisen. It is a noble work of art, We never saw a chromo in any tea store, or on the list of any religious weekly, that could com- pare with it.— Rochester Express. Tue Graphic is illustrating live Western towns. Why not Rochester ?—Rochester Ex- press. How stupid! The expression is not “ towns,” but “live towns” —quite a difference, you observe.— Buffalo Express. Such vanity! ‘And just because the Huflalo Lxpress was lucky enough to annex one live man from Rochester to galvanize that moribund village , over on Lake Erie,—Rochester Express. comicbooks.com