Puck — July 3, 1878 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SHAKSPERE WITH VARIATIONS. HAMLET TO THE PLAYERS, Speak the speech, I pray you, As I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue. But if you mouth it, as many of our players do, Thad as lief Count Joannes had spoke my lines. ‘or do not saw the air too much With your hands and feet, After the fashion of a windmill or Brother ‘Talmage, But use all gently. Oh, it offends me to the soul ‘To see a robustious, periwig-pated fellow ‘Tear a passion to tatters, to very rags, And mop the stage with it, so to speak. Be not too tame, either; But let discretion be your tutor; As it is much cheaper than to take lessons Of a professor of elocution. Suit the action to the word, and vice versa, And get in your work in some kind of style. Anything overdone is from the purpose of | playing, Whose end is to hold, as "twere, the mirror Up to nature, that for herself she may see How her clothes fit, and ascertain If there is any powder in her ears or eyebrows. A speech overdone, or come tardy off, ‘Though it make the gods in the cock-loft laugh, Cannot but make those in the parquet Or dress circle grieve, the censure Of one of which must, in your allowance, O'erweigh a whole theatre of others, For they pay from Sr to $1.50 each. Oh, there be players that I have seen play, Not to speak it profanely, ‘That, neither having the accent of Christians, Nor the gait of Christian, Pagan or man, Have so strutted and bellowed— And I do not by any means Refer exclusively to Dr. Landis— That I have been tempted to go out to the box office, Murder the treasurer, recover my money, And set fire to the building. — Oil City Derrick, THE CREAM OF THE BUCKET. MODERN IMPROVEMENTS. ‘Tue way of the transgressor is macadam- ized.— Stillwater Lumberman. PURIFYING THE POLITICAL ARENA. Six men were hung on Friday last. Another Republican gain.—Kochester Democrat. A VARIATION. Ayy German will tell you that ‘it i good for man to beer alon HORRIBLE, HORRIBLI WHEN a trance medium tells you what den- tist to patronize, isn’t that trance-send-dental- ism? - Cin, Sat. Night. LINKED SWEE + Tue young man who went to see his girl last night, refused to put sugar in his coffee this morning.—W. J. Kepublican, HOPEFUL. Now that Elizabeth Tilton is clear from the corrupting influence of Plymouth Church, we expect her to become a model woman,— Boston Post. COWPER AND FACT. THE man who oh!-ed for a lodge in some vast wilderness, differed from most of his fel- low-men in the location of the lodge.—Break- fast Table, HUMAN NATURE. Hat man is nota friend to his race who builds a house in which one back-door must be used by the women of separate families.— Zur- ner's Falls Reporter. YOUTH. To the American boy there is an awful, a m-jestic difference in the weight between the butt-end of a fish-pole and a hoe-handle.— Syracuse Sunday Limes. AN EYE TO BUSINESS. At the marriage of young Astor and Miss Paul, George W. Childs gave the bride a set of solid silver pitchers. He gets the obituary business of that family.— Picayune. HOW HE LIKES THEM, “Epson's aurophone will preserve a kiss” We presume no sugar is required in the pre- serving. ‘hey are sweet enough without, if not too old. Pick the young and fresh ones.— Norristown Herald. WE BET ON HOWARD, ‘Te next great pedestrian contest that will shake this country from centre to circumfer- ence will probably be between General Howard and the Indians, at present on the war-path,— Kronikle- Herald, A QUESTION Ir may be true that a hundred canceled postage stamps will buy a Chinese baby, but the fellow who had an American baby left on his door-steps for nothing wants to know what's the use of gathering stamps?—Jree Press. NON FIT. Tue five Swarthmore girls who were made Bachelors of Arts, yesterday, are now going in for the hearts of bachelors. The difference between them and poets is that they are not born but maid Bachelors..—/%ila. Bulletin. BRYANT AND BURDETTE. Ir was a wish of Bryant, they say, that he might die in June. We never thought seriously enough on the subject to insist on'a time, but so far as we have any preference, to be definite | about it, we have always thought we should like to die on the 3oth of February.— Burlington Hawkeye. WHEN PAIN AND SICKNESS. “Now,” they said to her, “you can go in and see him; but remember that he is very sick with heart disease, and don’t say a word that will trouble him.”” ‘Then she walked in, sat down on the edge of a chair, and remarked cheerfully, as she shook her head, “Ah— ah! m!—sad, ain't it? ‘Thought I'd jest run in, ‘cause they said there wuz no knowin’ how soon you might drop off.” — Graphic. HORA T hate the Persian pomp, O boy— . For me the sherbet hath no joy; But in the shade it gives me cheer ‘Yo rest at ease, XXXVI ODE, WITH VARIATIONS. And, with my schooner in my hand, Sing songs of my dear Fatherland, And quaff the cool Milwaukee beer And nibble cheese. —St. Louis Journal. THE INEVITABLI ‘THe audacious agent of a Boston Lecture Bureau writes Hayes as follows: ‘My dear Mr. Hayes: I see the Potter Investigating Committee is making decided headway. In the event of your being disengaged next win- ter, please send me your lowest terms for fifty lectures."— Utica Observer. Tite toad is the Ahkoond of squat.— Hacken- sack Republican. Poor Porter is still suffering the Ag’nies of high Jinks.— Phila. Bulletin. Companion piece for “The Wandering Jew” a wandering Jewess.— Derrick. Give a mosquito his way and he will soon settle his little bill — 4. O. Picayune. Roseson gathered old scraps like the Arabs and -ilently stole away.— Boston Post. ‘Tue Bannocks and Shoshones say there is a long intermission between meals.— Boston Fost. Ji AxpeRsoN would make a first-class light- ning-rod peddler.— IWheeling Sunday Leader. A MAN should never go out to fight a duel unless he has a ‘‘code”’ in his 'ead.— Cin. Sat. Night. Moses may have been the meekest man of his time, but we suspect he never put up a stove.— Koch, Dem, More exciting news from the West. The Kaw Indians are breaking out. It’s the small- pox.— Kronikle-Herald. A Troy man lost a canal boat, and a local paper suggests that some Syracuse girl took it for a slipper.— Boston Post, Hop bitters—taking your girl to a “hop” and having some other fellow dance with her continually.— Cin. Saturday Night. “T amin love with myself,” says Clara Louisa Kellogg. ‘You've got a dead sure thing of it, Clara; no rivals.— Burlington Hawkeye, “A ROLLING stone gathers no moss,” but it often collides with a man's shins, which is a much sadder reflection.—Fudton Zimes. A HUNDRED years hence the newspapers of Central Africa will begin to record the finding of turtles inscribed “‘H. W. S., 1876."— Ov City Derrick. Casus BELLI means getting up on your ear and bluffing around and pretending that you are just trying to knock some one’s head off. — Free Press. “You may break, you may shatter the vase, if you will,” but the frightful keramics pasted on by the women folks will stick to it still.— Norristown Herald. Tue friendly Bannock tribe has run away from the agency to prevent starving to death. ‘This shows that the Indian is not to be relied upon.—M. ¥. Graphic. A Georcia rooster is said to have hatched out a lot of duck eggs. This forcibly reminds us of John Sherman's attempt to help Mr. Hayes run this government.— Xvonikle- Herald. It is said that there are seven Christian men on the editorial staff of the Courier-Journal, and yet that paper uses such expressions as: “ By the living ginger!"”—Shocked Free Fress. Sipvey Lanier has written a new poem, This probably has something to do with the fact that all the steamer accommodations for Europe are engaged long ahead.— Bridgeport Standard. ‘Tuey are all girl-babies this year. So you may set yourself at case regarding complica- tions growing out of the fraud investigation. There’s going to be no war.—Staistical Meri- den Recorder. comicbooks.com