Puck — June 26, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. “PUCK”, No. 13 North William Street, New York FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Terms To SuBscRIBERS. One Copy one year, or $2 numbers. One Copy. six months, or 26 number ‘One Copy for thirteen weeks. Posta‘ H. C. BUNNER.. “SPECIAL NOTICES. Puck will hereafter be on Sale in London, at the News Agency of Messrs. HENRY F. GILLIG & CO., 449, Strand, Channg Cross Mawacina Eprror. Americans in Paris, hitherto reduced to Punch". "Fun" apd “Judy”. will now find their natural paper on file at the “Herald” Office, 49 Avenue de I’ Opéra. Puck may be had in Saratoga at BRENTANO'S new store, opposite Congress Park. Portrait of GAIL MAMILTON next week. pee Remittances by Money Order, etc., are to be addressed to Kerr.er & SCHWARZMANN. CARTOONS. Of this last Congress, with no thought of fun, It may be written: Nothing in its life Became it like the leaving it. Yes, rife With follies, broils, corruption, it is done. The fights are finished that, in words begun, Threatened to end in inkstands. With his wife Jones of Podunk is eating with his knife In Saratoga. Jenkins of Bull-Run Has gone to Paris. Scattered one by one, The concrete evil spread out o'er the world, The members all their various ways have gone. But may we credit them with no good deed? None? Yes! Stanley Matthews, from his pinnacle hurled, Is finally, utterly, totally sat upon. The Devil, that antique Tartarean moke, His apron full of scandals, sins and shames, And things which good society rarely names, Passed o'er @ city as the morning broke. When, glancing down, he heard a preacher who spoke The holy word which Satan and sinner shames; Himself being privily up to various games Ill-calculated confidence to evoke. ‘The Devil paused to listen,“ What a joke!” But as he stopped, his apron-string gave way— Down went his cargo on the town below, Accompanied by a smell of sulphurous smoke Which lingers about the place unto this day. That city wasn’t BRookLyn—oh, dear, no! A generous man is Conkling—truly grand! He treats his friends, alsv his enemies, well. He will do more for them than tongue can tell; He beams upon them with a smile as bland ‘As Jove Olympian. He will lend a hand To help across the ocean’s measureless swell— And keep him on the other side a “spell” — The bitterest rival who has ever planne: A fierce campaign against him. Yes, sir, and He is not even anxious to be thanked: Enough if peace of mind his bosom bless. See our last page for proof. But understand When Fenton thus across the sea is yanked, He may land just wheresoever he blank pleasés. 3 AT LAST. HE name of Gail Hamilton is known throughout-the country. Her fame has <7 spread, like an angel with healing on her wings, over the length and breadth of this fairland. In every town and hamlet her nom de plume is familiar, and we may well say be- loved. The golden words which she has sown broadcast lie close to every man’s heart; and those which she has put in the Z7ridune lie close to every woman’s—that is to say, Gail Hamil- ton is a great woman, But, wide as spreads the fame of Miss Abigail Dodge of Hamilton, she herself is personally unknown to the majority of her admirers. A timid, tender wild-flower, shrinking from the glaring light of day, her character is well indi- cated in her literary work, All those who have read the gentle, graceful epistles in which she pleads the cause of a distinguished statesman will realize that their author could not but be a woman of the most sensitive and delicate modesty. Miss Hamilton has, hitherto, always sought to keep her individuality exceedingly private. Cruel and wicked people have sug- gested that Miss Hamilton’s material charms do not warrant the general distribution of her photographs; and that there are also prudential reasons for her withholding her carte-de-visite. But nobody believes them. Yes, Miss Gail Hamilton has always refused to give her picture to the press. But Puck is delighted to be able to announce that the emis- sary whom he detailed, some months ago, to procure this valuable portrait has at last been successful in his quest. By what means let us not ask. If the difficulty of the task drove him to desperate means; if he even went so far as to lay systematic siege to her maiden heart, and induce her young affections to wander for a moment from the distinguished statesman above mentioned —that is a question to be settled be- tween his own conscience and_ himself. All that we have to say, in behalf of Puck, is that next week we will present our readers with a supplement containing a likeness of Miss Gail Hamilton, so resplendent in beau- tiful colors and so absolutely true to nature, that the public will be astonished, if not electri- fied. THE HONEST TRUTH. oe a is genera'ly believed that editors are the most savage and blood-thirsty of profes- sional men, and that they wear spiked shoes, to add piquancy to the kick which they have the reputation of bestowing on every poet that puts his foot over his threshold. In behalf of the fraternity, we feel com- pelled to deny that this is the case. We never heard of an editor kicking a poet down a pad- ded stairway, and, furthermore, we never saw a padded stairway. No matter how bad a poem may be, the editor always says it is very good, and regrets that he cannot use it on account of something, which he sets forth in a very polite and plausible manner. The editor is a jewel of consistency, and we advise young poets to court his acquaintance. Ifhe were not possessed of a very gentle and amiable disposition, he would not be invited to restaurant upenings and funerals, The editor is the friend of the poet, for he publishes only what reflects credit on him, and declines what would disgrace him. He doesn’t keep clubs in the office; neither does he main- tain and support a bloodhound as assistant lit- erary editor. He may, and undoubtedly does many things worse, but he does none of the things enumerated above, and the poet who doubts it may satisfy himself by coming in per- son to this office with a poem of a hundred verses on the generations of Enoch. CA Puckerings. Now then, give us a rest on Thanatopsis, Proposats for reconstructing Stanley Mat- thews will be received from responsible parties. “« Cuerries are ripe, cherries are ripe; and Baby shall have some.” So he shall; so he shall, Trot out the newest style of pony coffin. ‘Two little boys were nothing loth To eat two verdant peaches each: And now one tombstone covers both. Thou hast this season for thine own, O Peach! Ir is a truly curious psychological study to note how whenever a red-headed baby comes into a dark-haired family, the father imme- diately withdraws from church-membership and takes to staying home nights. Boys who don't feel inclined to wait till the legitimate firecracker season opens, on the Fourth of July, are reminded that the anniver- sary of American Independence is not cele- brated in the kingdom of Heaven. Tue “Citizen Editor of Puck” wishes to present his acknowledgments to Mr. Geo. Francis Train for a vast and highly interesting illustrated poster, sent by mail from Rochester. ‘The Citizen Editor has read the poster care- fully through, and now respectfully requests Mr. Train to ask him an easier one. Anp now the Presbyterian rushes wildly to the front to announce that ‘‘pork is cheaper to-day than it has been for thirty years.” There seems tu be no dignity about these reli- gious papers. When a secular journal has the misfortune to be in the market, it is not apt to take this barefaced way of soliciting bids. D'Israkwt seems to think an immense deal of himself because he is bossing a miserable little ten-cent, three-by-sixteen European Peace Con- gress. If Beaconsfield takes so much stock in himself, just let him come over here and try to run a funny paper one week. That's all. Watterson bitterly reproaches Hewitt for being “ dumb as an oyster.” ‘This wild yearn- ing for Mr. Hewitt’s conversation is not shared by the rest of the populace of the United States. Let Mr. Hewitt continue to emulate the oyster, And we may suggest to Mr. Wat- terson that it were well if he himself would consider the soft clam, how he shuts his head. This flood of gush which has been let loose over the country is decidedly bad for Mr. Bryant's future fame. It may provoke a re- action, We shudder to think of the awful con- sequences if people should begin to ask them- selves how far a white beard and a venerable head will carry a man toward the reputation of a genius; and whether the ‘first citizen” of the first city in America should not, to merit the title, have done something worth doing and worth recording. BRENTANO, of Union Square, has opened a branch store in Saratoga, where he proposes to sell New York books and papers at New York prices. The regular Saratoga Bashi-Bazouks, who used to charge two hundred per cent. ad- vance on all papers, are hastening to drown themselves in the various springs in the vicin- ity. The Saratoga guest may hereafter enjoy his Puck regularly, without beggaring himself —a luxury formerly confined to a few million- aires. comicbooks.com