Puck — June 12, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. “PUCK”, No. 13 North William Street, New York FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Terms To Suascriners, ‘One Copy one year, or 52 numbers 2 One Copy, six months, or 26 numbers. One Copy for thirteen weeks... Postace Free. H. C. BU! + MANAGING Eorror. gar Remittances by Money Order, etc., are to be addressed to Kerrier & SCHWARZMANN. CARTOONS. j Dana refuses to brand Anderson telling his story: ‘The man who the wickedness planned Dana refuses to brand. If Jo Bradley would go on the stand Dana'd give him a crown of glory. Dana refuses to brand Anderson telling his story. This show must stop!—and shall be stopped. Too long Has the vile farce been played. In Order’s name We cry: “Ring down the curtain!” Folly, Shame, Rapine and Murder swell’ the reckless song. And yet the people listen; though ere long ‘The spark they laugh at may become a flame: The jest a fateful terror without a name. But Satire plies her keen and scathing thong, Mindful of days when graced the pike-staff’s prong The noblest heads of France; and quick to see Howsoon a foul seed chokes a fertile place. She lifts her scourge—and lo! the coward throng, Like ghosts at break of day that turn and lee, Fly from before the brightness of her face. Peace is a probable thing If Bismarck is but the peace-maker. When he jumps down in the ring Peace is a probable thing: Minister, Kaiser and King— Each one grows meek as a Quaker. Peace is a probable thing If Bismarck is but the peace-maker. THE HEIGHT OF ABSURDITY. HE extreme height of human absurdity Sf) has been attained by Mr. A. M. Scales, a Southern representative who has intro- duced a bill into Congress to authorize the issue of tents to the North Carolina militia. It is a little difficult to say whether Mr. Scales intends to join the phalanx of Congres- sional humorists, or whether his motion is se- riously meant. If Mr. Scales really does mean to be a humorist, his advent should be marked with popular acclaim. It was a trite saying, in ante-bellum days, that the soldiers from North Carolina were the feeblest_ and worst-equipped in the entire ser- vice. This referred to the regular army. What then could be thought of the condition of the militia? The irony and sarcasm of Mr. Scales’s mo- tion is important from the implied intimation that the North Carolina soldiers are now still further reduced and plead for tents to cover them. Two or three circus-tents are probably all that is required. The circumstance is in- teresting as showing of how little avail is mar- tial prowess against the fury of the elements, It is recorded that a review was one day held of a large number of Virginia State Militia. In an obscure corner a handful of men, thinly- clad and with downcast visages, were seen crowded together. “ Who are they ?” asked the general. ‘The answer he received was that they were the army from North Carolina. Mr. Scales’s motion is, at all events, to be accepted as recognition of the fact that the North Carolina militia needs improvement, not tosay reorganization. He should go farther and pe- tition Congress to provide guns, boots, uni- forms, rations, and, above all, soldiers, ‘Tents can be but a transitory expedient; for when the soldiers have occasion to emerge from them their doom would be sealed. An army which cannot be available except in tents is not much good. Perhaps it was the design of Scales merely to test the credulity of Congressmen. In this case he should not have moved .for tents, but for soldiers to occupy them, A TYPICAL ENGLISH HUMORIST. Pvustic attention has been temporarily di- verted from the war question in England by the appearance of a native humorist, whose enor- mities in the way of punning have won all hearts. This man is of course an Englishman, but it is almost incredible to what depths he has de- scended. The whereabouts of the man, when first heard of, were Birmingham, but later accounts represent him as on his way to Lon- don to receive the laudations of the English wits, Before leaving Birmingham he perpe- trated’ the following paragraph, which so tickled the humorists that they began copying it forthwith. Here is the terror: “The cat show was a con-cat-enation of the mews ical melodies. Some of the subjects in the cat-alogue of felines seemed to think it a very unfeline business to deny them the right of rat cat-ching, and launched upon the air at times a perfect cat-aract of cat-erwauls. It was not a subject for cat-chination, even if it was a-mews-ing. ‘The award of prizes was probably all right, still it admits of a little catechistical discussion.” If we are to believe the English writers, nothing so funny as this has appeared in along time. It is quite characteristic of our English humorist to write on a “cat-show,” and we can imagine readily the extent of his success. The only fear is that he will make the other English wits jealous. Someone should define for them the difference between a joke and a pun, This would be one step in the direction of having an English joke. THE SHOEMAKER. ‘Te shoemaker is an institution. We don’t know that this ever occurred to any of our readers before, but, nevertheless, it is the case. ‘The shoemaker has a soft thing of it, although he sits on his bench from morning till night. He is also the friend of the man with the pretty daughter, and of the editor who comes in con- tact with itinerant vernal poets. He has his failings, too, as well as the car- penter, the bricklayer, and other laborers. He will always tell you that he'll have your shoes done on Saturday night; yes, he will tell you with a smile that causes you to look upon him as a worthy candidate for an aureole. Un Saturday night you find the shoes un- touched, and are treated, by the Knight of St. Crispin, to a story which at once elevates him to the dignity and importance of a lightning- rod agent. He is not so shrewd as the tailor— He is happy on his backless chair, Hammering away without a care; And all his life He can watch his wife And see that no minister cometh there, Parkerings. ‘Tue mercury has risen. Quinine also. Tue man with a straw hat is gaining confi- dence and ease of manner. Art the picnic of the Sunday-School experienced Brother Kimball Deals forty-cent-a-gallon cream deft and nimble, ‘To Edwin and Angelica at 3 cts. with fingers per thimble. You may know that Summer has come by the familiar way in which the house-fly lights out for your nose, without any diffidence to speak of. Tue young man who lives near the river goess in swimming once at this season, and for the rest of the summer he takes his dips in Jordan. Now doth each fragrant cool retreat Wear smiles of damask lustre, As summer comes on noiseless feet, Wrapped in a linen duster. Tue “ Piccapitty” is the name of the new London magazine. If it is not made of better material than those with which we are acquaint- ed, July will take the starch out of it in about ten minutes. Ir is stated, on credible authority, that Rutherford has asked Mrs. Hayes whether she doesn’t think he ought to give public expression to his opinion that this Investigation business is unkind to him. Now the farmer so sly and so sleek Doth mathemetize, so to speak, And for gold, which he prizes, He now advertises Good board at ten dollars per week. A MAN may live through battles anc sermons without showing the slightest sign of restless- ness or fear, but the chances are that he is ner- vous beyond description while passing an ice- cream saloon with a pretty girl on his arm and no shekels in his pocket. A man in Connecticut has invented an automaton bank-cashier, which goes through all the motions with regularity and precision, but which can be chained down to the floor and prevented from going to Europe. He expects to extend his patent so as to cover a savings-bank-director attachment. Tue fact having been positively established that souls do not need saving in summer-time, most of the ministers of this city have left for Europe. There isa rumor that one clergyman in a far up-town district is detained by want of funds, but a subscription is being circulated among the married men of his parish, and he will be enabled to start in a very short time. Oh, June is a month with flowers luxurious, When the zephyr sweet with the tulip toys, When the quaint old farmer waxeth furious As his cherries depart with the barefoot boys. On the wings of love from the garden amorous Come scents like the vintage of the gods, And we hear, mixed with robins’ love-songs clamorous, The mystical hammerer-down of sods. comichooks.com