Puck — May 15, 1878 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. A TENTH MUSE. OME time ago we printed » poem entitled “ Tech- nique,” which assumed to emanate from the pen of Mr, Edgar Fawcett, and which possessed cer- tain characteristics of his style, We have now received, from some anonymous source, the following production, which has the appearance of proceeding from the same peculiar fantasy which, “starting with some very slight and simple theme, carnes it so far and developes it with such fine art as to stir the indignation of the reader.’* ‘We do not know who is responsible for these “ windy suspirations of Fawcett breath,” or who is taking these liberties with the chaste muse of this graceful and cul- tured writer; but we publish this second poem, without prejudice, in the hope that Mr. Fawcett may favor us with a poetic explanation of the phenomenon, PUP. Night smeareth a viewless swashiness On the palette of the sky, And the opulent earth toward sloshiness Now evoluteth high. For in torrents perpendicular ‘The moistureness drizzleth down, While my thoughts toward nothing particular Go out in a study brown, ‘Though languorous the air and summery, Iam yet in a loathsome fix— Shall I win my bet with Montgommmery ? Shall I finish by quarter of six? Not yet has an object subjective (Intangible-vague as light,) To my splenetic thought elective, Full-wingéd hove into sight, For the mind that to-day is exhaustive, Nebulous, passionate, full, May to-morrow be just as costive, And its fantasy twice as dull, I will linger no longer themelessly *Mid preposterous bacchanal beer, I will fire the lamp that beamlessly Spreads kerosene odors here. Come hither, comrade caninical, With thy thin fine bow-wow-wows! I will daunt the critic cynical, alone have the laureled brows! Crawl not on thy surface umbilicular, Re-wag thy inertful tail, Uplift thy pendants auricular ‘So passionately pale. I cast not soft eyes publicationward ‘Above these fluctuant lines (As the Sophomore, veering vacatiqnward, Looks, loverwise, over the vines). Then fear not my verse so dangerful, I could raresomely do thee ill; Crouch not at my aspect strangerful As I start my simile-mill, For my fantasy by some powerful Mysterious charm is drawn From thy statuesque pose and cowerful ‘To Mythology’s purplesome dawn! And I think-feel how very corpuscular Were the bench-shows of those days; How Cerberus got up on his muscular; How corpulent Sirius's bays— (Now, where is that Dictionnaire Classique ?” Confound it!—Ah! here’s « Lempriére,”* ‘That will do. I must not be £00 gassique: A balloon without sand 1s nowhere!)— And Melampus, and Lelaps, and Tigris With their vérmilion kisses of death— Stop your scratching, you cur! (That verdigris Doesn't seem just the thing for his breath.) When I think how belovely and lureful Are the thoughts that thy presence brings, By the swill-pailfal or the sewerful, I could dash them on Poesie’s wings, Envoy (extraordinary.) Ah! I've got the beer on Montgommmery! Time's up! I have won the bet! What the world likes is exquisite fummery! I may print this poem yet! THOMPSON'S GRIEVANCES, HOMPSON moved on the first of May. The house he rented seemed to him all that could be desired, so far as appear- ances were concerned, The landlord had given him to understand that the house was in first-class condition, and had all the modern improvements, It was on the strength of his flowery encomiums that Thompson concluded to take it. After he had moved in, and got everything in its place, and was just beginning to feel at home, he became acquainted with the cupidity of his landlord, and he went straightway to his residence to relate his grievances, and see what could be done in mitigation thereof. He soon reached his destination, rang the bell, and was duly admitted. As his landlord offered him a chair, he took a seat, removed his hat, wiped the perspiration from his brow, and commenced: “You said you'd guarantee that house of mine as being first-class, ch ?”” “Of course I did,” responded the man of real estate. “Oh, you did, ch?” said Mr. Thompson sarcastically,” ‘‘ well, l’d just ke to mention to you a few things about that house which strike me as being slightly eccentric.” “All right,” murmured the landlord; “ pro- ceed.” “ Well, in the first place, you said your house was ina quiet neighborhood; this is not so; the horse-cars run before the door and keep me awake all night, and my next-door neighbor keeps a hound that bays until breakfast time, and there's no such thing as peace.” ‘What's that got to do with the house?” queried the landlord. “© A good deal; and then you declared that the fences were perfectly solid and secure. On the strength of this my wife hung out a carpet, my ulsfer, and a number of other things, one night. In the morning we discovered a rotten board off the fence, and a dozen or more Lees frisking around digesting the contents of the clothes-line.” “You really don’t mean this, Mr, Thomp- sonl"” “T do,indeed! And then you said the locks were all right, but they won’t work at all, and one night when I came home late I attempted to get in with my night-key, but I could not, ‘Then I pulled the bell only to ascertain that it was broken. Asa last effort, I went down and endeavored to unfasten one of the basement windows, and, after I had broken.a fifty-cent pane of glass, in order to be able to turn the catch, a policeman came along and captured me as a thief, and I spent the night in astation- house.” “You did ?” asked the landlord sympatheti- cally. “Yes, I did. You also gave me to under- stand that the pump in the yard was giving water, and I went out and pumped away for four hours before I discovered that it was just stuck in the ground for ornament.” “ Well, really!"’ was all his astonished inter- locutor could remark. “Yes, and that is not the worst, either. You told me it was a nice dry house; and the other day we had a heavy storm, and when we went down into the kitchen in the morning it was knee-deep, and everything was floating around, ‘That morning the cook got the breakfast ready by sailing around the stove in a canoe, We managed by eating upstairs, and the wait- ress went backward and forward on stilts like an amphibious animal. “These domestic regattas don't go down, even if they are not attended by mariae disas- ters; so I had the place bailed out, and now it is all right; and if you don’t make the neces- sary repairs, I shall move out next week.” The landlord then promised, and left, seemingly light-hearted and happy. R. KM, HER POINT OF VIEW. SHockep Parent.—‘‘Lily, my dear! Do you consider cigar.tte-smoking a proper habit for a decorous young lady?” DauGHTER oF EMANCIPATED IpEas.—‘‘No, papa dear; if I thought it was, I'd — shoot it.” (Papa is much relieved.) comicbooks.com