Puck — May 1, 1878 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| | PUCK. WHAT HE KNEW ABOUT*FARMING. i HAD an engagement, not long ago, to meet a friend at the Battei I was on hand half an hour too soon, having been misled by a clock which was considerably fast. Not knowing a better way to pass the time un- til’ my friend should arrive, I sat down on one of the settees, threw my head back, inhaled the briny breezes, and was enjoying a sort of dolce far niente circus generally, when a stranger walked up and took a seat beside me. “He wore a soft hat and a pleasant smile, to- gether with the usual habiliments. His coat was buttoned up to his neck in a manner indicating the fact that he was either suffering from bronchitis or had no shirt on. He had a sort of Yellow Jack look about him, and I thought it advisable to get out of his way. Before I could do this, he said: “Lovely weather this, eh ?” * Yes, rather,” I replied indifferently. “Oh, what weather this is for farming! “I know nothing whatever of farming.” “Oh, you don’t, ch?” he murmured with a Giamphant smile; ‘well, you can bet your life I understand it from beginning to end. Yes, I used to be the boss on farming. Why, I used to get up ideas that almost set the world deranged.” There was something so marvelous about the man’s manner of making simple statements, that (although he looked as though he might have the yellow fever in his clothes, as I re- marked before) I determined to risk my life to hear his-story. “You see,” he went on, “when I was quite young, there was considerable rivalry in the milk business around the place where I was brought up, and, as there was quite a crowd of rich-city people spending the summer in the neighborhood, there was a good chance to make money on cow-juice. ‘Somehow or other there was a report cir- culated that all the milk and butter purchased in the place was strongly flavored with wild onions. Says I, I'll make my mark now; so I put my little idea into execution. I was suc- cessful, you bet, and nobody could understand. what kind of milk { was giving them. “You see, I fed the cows on violets, ole- | i anders, geraniums, mignonette, etc., in order to get the fragrance of those flowers into the milk and butter; and, you bet, I got all sorts | i of puffs, ‘‘ ads,” encomiums, etc., till I couldn’t rest. I made money, too. “You just ought to have tasted one of those | trees. many persons I ran over, but after I had been whoa jiminy!” : traveling about five minutes, the old thing ran milk-punches—you talk about your boss elixirs, Seeing that he was completely carried away | i with himself, I assured him that I believed every word he said (which was a lie}, and I should be onlv too happy to listen to any other | t reminiscences he might have to relate. This refreshed him so much that he com- | li pletely forgot the cows, and branched off as | s follows: “T once thought that I could make an inde- pendent fortune if I could only get up a little racket to raise fresh vegetables of all kinds in mid-winter. I knew that rich people would pay big prices for anything of the kind, so I set to work in good earnest to ascertain if I} st could bring my hopes into blossom.” His metaphor was amusing. “You see, I selected a good-sized patch be- hind the house, and about two feet beneath the surface I laid’ large iron pipes about a foot apart. A short distance away I had a huge furnace built, and hired a fireman to-keep it in full blast all the time. “The steam from this furnace passed through the pipes and produced the necessary perpetual motion. and we didn’t know what to do, because we were greatly in need of horseflesh to drag stone. fixed things. wagon and fixed it on the pole; then I screwed a huge bar of steel on the axle-tree. more than did this than the loadstone com- menced to draw, and as it was heavier than the wagon, and the steel wouldn’t give, of course was empty with the exception of myself. It fast that I was afraid to jump off. Finally it attained such velocity that I couldn’t see the was three hundred miles from home.” bade him adieu; but I felt happy at being de- grettcd that when he collided with the church he was not summarily mangled beyond repair. cisco, is prevalent at the Fifth Avenue this week, and is shedding some new light on the woes of the ‘Old Corporal.” is a sort of male Modjeska without a title, but very spirituel and witty, nevertheless. He cannot, perhaps, play Camille as does the Countess; but, on the other hand, his Corporal Antoine is a performance far beyond her reach. Mr. Majeroni i roni, who anticipates appearing in an original drama. cold; and the beauty of the thing was that it made the things grow quick. You could see the seeds burst like percussion-caps. “Why, I used to raise several crops in one winter. As soon as I’d get the thing going, the maple trees would commence to give syrup, and buds would burst all around. I tell you I just made things howl, and don't you forget it!” For the purpose of seeing how far he would carry the thing, I interrupted him by saying: “You said the vegetables developed very rapidly ?” “ Rapidly!” he responded with a contemp- tuous chuckle, “well, I think they did; why, the carrots and turnips grew so fast under the influence of that steam, that after they made their appearance above the ground, I used to be compelled to lay planks with weights on them over the rows to keep them from jumping into the air.” “ Remarkable!” I exclaimed. “One day,” he continued, without noticing my interruption, ‘‘ my grandmother went out to take a look at things, and through her clum- siness she kicked a plank off the last turnip in the row, and before she knew what was the matter, it flew up and almost knocked the brains out of her.” I thought it about time to get away from this amateur Ananias, but he anticipated me and said: “Those were only boyish frivolities; just wait till I tell you about the time when I grafted wings into pigs, and had them flying around the house like pigeons.” “W-h-a-t!l!” I shouted, totally overcome by his utter serenity of countenance; for he ap- peared to be in dead earnest. “Never mind, then,” he went on, “I'll leave the pigs until the last, and tell you how I found You see, old Dobbin died, We were completely puzzled at first, but I soon “I got a piece of loadstone heavier than the I no it hauled it right along. “The day I tried the experiment the wagon increased in speed every moment, and went so I don’t know how far I went, or how into a stone church and almost killed me. 1 At this moment my friend arrived, and I left he agriculturist. He seemed disconsolate as I ivered from the ordeal of listening to the pig tory which he promised to tell, and only re- R.K.M. S1GNor MajeRont, who comes to us from the unny shores of Italy, by way of San Fran- Mr. Majeroni accompanied by Mrs. Maje- Majeroni compare with each other, nor of their relative standing on the European continent, Majeroni seems to be well thought of by the Italian element here. ‘The troupe which sup- ports him is English and American in compo- sition, but it appears to advantage in a military drama, composed mostly of tableaux. Mr. Majeroni’s English dialect is well-nigh perfect in the pantomimic parts of the piece, which comprise three-fourths of the time. Of his di- alect in the speaking parts, it is not possible to speak in terms of fulsome or extravagant praise. DRAMATIC NOTES. “ Nia-for-li-ca,” having failed at Niblo’s, has been withdrawn. Miss HELLER reappears this week—an item of interest. THE regular season at the Circus, Tony Pas- tor’s, San Francisco Minstrels, and Comique, is closed. “ Diptémacy,” at Wallack’s, is just the play for the shad season, We have to thank the Rowes for it. AIMEE comes to the Park on Friday in “ La Marjolaine.” She plays in French and pays in America, Mr. Joun Gitpert, of Wallack’s, recently received an offer to play Uncle Yom on the road, the road was not the Gilbert Elevated, however, and he declined. Tue 7ribune makes a great fuss about Sothern war claims, but we understand that the crushed tragedian disclaims any responsibility. ImocENE has come to the surface again at the Broadway Theatre, ‘‘ ‘The Shepherdess of Jura” succeeding the “ Soldier’s Trust.” “A CELesratep Case” will be withdrawn from the Union Square-on Saturday, May 11th, and operatic burlesque will prevail during the summer. Jos. Murpny is coming to the Fifth Avenue with his “Kerry Gow,” and British tyranny will droop in consequence. The engagement will be brief, however. Miss Courtney Barnes has been playing, Charley Wagg, the tiger, “as ‘opes ‘is ‘ighness is wery well,” in the “ Exiles,” in Brooklyn; playing it well, too, they say. Tuose who saw Geo. Fawcett Rowe's “ Ex- iles” at the Park Theatre, Brooklyn, this week, have an excuse for not going to see Lawrence Barrett, who is playing there now. “Tue Bic Bonanza” prevails at the Park, where Jas. Lewis, as the erudite Professor, Ben Maginiey, as the banker in luck, and Jennie Murdoch as the maiden in love, please greatly. The piece is weliplayed at the Park. ‘THERE is nothing new about the Aquarium Chimpanzee save that the management have or- ganized a combination German, English and talian opera company to perform in the build- ing. This is not fair play to Chim, But we guess he can hold out until the reinforcements from Europe arrive. Joun McCuttoucn has been regaling the west-siders at the Grand Opera House with a taste of his robustness. A contrast is afforded by the playing of Marie Prescott and Stella Boniface, which is gracious and pleasing. Da- mon, Othello, Richard and Virginius are wait- ing to be played by McCullough. - Miss Littian Creves-Crark is to star in Octave Feuillet’s play of “ Dalila,” a transla- tion of which has been made by Messrs. Weightman and Burtle. Miss Cleves is a clever actress indeed, and it is pleasing to feel that “ Delila” will secure its advent here amid We do not know how Bozenta and amount of heat to counteract the effects of the such auspicious surroundings. ck Gh oo ee piles a icomicbooks:com i .