Puck — April 3, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“PUCK", No. 13 North William Street, New York. ¥OR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Terms Jo Supscripers. One Copy one year, or 52 numbers. ©-4 Copy, six months, oF 26 numbers. Postac Fane. BE Remittances by Money Order etc. are to be THE WOMEN'S HOME. Wuen a man dies and leaves instructions to build something for charity, he is sure to build better or worse than he knows. We say better or worse advisedly. It is charity to the projector of the Women’s Home to believe that his original ideas were not faithfully carried out, and that the institu- tion that has risen to honor his memory is much worse than he could have anticipated. How much better it may prove to be in the cause of that Virtue which is its own reward, Time will show and Judge Hilton will experience. Perhaps, though, those who imagine that Charity is in any way connected with the pro- ject of the Stewart home are mistaken. The wolf who went abroad in order that he might befriend the lamb furnishes an apt illustration of the position of Hilton ef a/, in the matter. ‘The charity of the undertaking consists in charging poor working girls more than their wage enables them to pay, and in virtually coercing them to agree to the arrangement un- der pain of dismissal. It may be said of Stewart that he paid his employees less than they could live upon, but Hilton ef a/, go further and take away even the pittance which théy receive. Puck, of course, does not impugn the motives of these would-be benefactors. That would be impossible. But he cannot help remarking that Charity, as exemplified in the case of the Good Samaritan, did not take the form of extras or recommendation letters, and that there was no suspicion of the benevolent succorer being “in” with the thieves who robbed the needy man. Tue late A. T. Stewart was a man of cold disposition and frigid manners. ‘These little things come in handy, now. Between the two, it is difficult to say whe- ther Stewart or Hilton deserves more gratitude for generous instincts. But Stewart did one thing more than the other man to win our es- teem—he died. 'Tis the last ulster of winter, The last one not yet gone: All it’s lovely companions Are safely in pawn. Tue early strawberry, at a dollar a quart, puts on aristocratic airs, and looks with scorn and contempt upon hungry humanity. By July he will get down from his lofty eminence and hide himself between the strata of a fifteen- cent saleratus short-cake, and howl for a cus- tomer. Stewart and Vanderbilt are both dead, and presumably appropriately located. But in one thing the dry-goods man has the advantage of mmodore, His executors are men after his own heart. If the old Philistine were alive to-day, he couldn't suggest one additional item of meanness and petty tyranny in the arrange- ments of the ‘“‘ Woman's Home.” STEWART'S WOMEN'S HOTEL RULES AND REGULATIONS. In view of the wisdom displayed by Messrs. Stewart and Hilton, it can not but be regarded as rather audacious to propose to vary the pro- gramme they have adopted. Still, in the best of faith, we venture to offer, as a substitute for the schedule already published in the papers, the following: I. All applicants for admission must bring a letter of recommendation, written on one side of the paper only; not necessarily for publica- tion, but as a.guarantee of good faith. IL. As it is intended that each boarder shall be perfectly free and comfortable, no more than twelve will be allowed to share a single room. IIL. The hotel being thoroughly fire-proof, the rooms on each floor are equally desirable, especially the lower ones, for which three dollars a day will be charged extra. 1V. The elevator can be used at any hour. A nominal fee of twenty cents will be charged for all willing to use it. V. Meals served at all hours. ‘Those not breakfasting at 5 o'clock a.m. will be charged extra. VI. A boarder may invite a lady-friend. And in return the lady-friend may invite the boarder. ‘Terms moderate. VII. Keys must be ieft in the office. For all keys lost twenty-five cents will be charged. No extra charge for the use of key-holes. VIII. The hotel will be closed at 12 0'clock, at which hour everybody must go to bed. Those wishing to remain up a few minutes later must receive a special permit from the manager. But under no circumstances will it be permitted to sing ‘The Sweet By-and-by” after hotel- hours. 1X, All girls wishing to play circus in their rooms will have to ubtain a license from the manager of the dramatic department. X. Extra gas will be charged for, invariably. XI. No bill-board tickets will be issued. XII. No washerwomen allowed in the rooms, All washing done in the hotel laundry. Ladies wishing to have their washing, which has just left the laundry, washed over again, can be accommodated at reasonable rates. XII. Bathsare located on every floor. Prices vary according to length of bather’s sojourn, Towels extra. XIV. No dogs, cats, birds or mules admitted into rooms. All pet animals must be provided for in the private menagerie. XV. No boarder will be accepted unless of good character, over six years old, and able to pay in advance. XVI. Any boarder having cause for com- plaint, is requested to state it in writing. Im- mediate remedy will be found then in the dis- missal of the complainant. XVII. To avoid unnecessary noises which might disconcert nervous boarders, no coughing or sneezing will be allowed in the rooms. La- dies affected with colds, and finding it neces- sary to cough, can secure cough-checks from the clerk at twenty-five cents each. Reduction on taking a quantity. XVIIL The services of the chaplain will be offered gratuitously. But he must always be returned in good order—(the clerk will take a receipt). It is the intention of the management of the Women's Hotel to provide a home for ladies who suppor: themselves, which shall offer all the comforts of a home, at the lowest possi- ble cost—to the management. The building has been completed, and will be conducted in accordance with Mr. Stewart's plans, and to meet his well-known views on this subject—and any other. Puckerings. Lot's wife was too fresh. THe man who wears a chest-protector is called in. ‘Tue prudent wife is already beginning to lay the foundations for that Easter hat. A apy, referring to the flirting propensities of her young friend, said: ‘* She would sit up in her coffin to coquette with the undertaker!” It will be quite a saving for the firm to board and lodge its own shop-girls in the Women’s Hotel—instead of paying them wages. THe daisies are somewhat backward this year. Sam Cox would make a good fertilizer. We merely throw this out by way of a suggestion. ‘Tue dairies are all open again, and this year’s crop of waiter-girls, taken in the aggre- gate, is sixty per cent. red-headeder, and per- ceptibly more on the squint than the preced- ing one. * Lemme ‘lone? Got ’em bad! ‘Throat—bone— Ktch! whff! gah! ghrr! hoo! gwphchffaow that shad! Ir can not be a proud reflection to the man who blows h's loudest note on a bugle standing on the outer balcony of a Bowery museum, that after all he is only luring a confiding verdant to spent fifteen cents on a fat woman. Wuen the Moffett Bell-Punch is introduced into New York liquor stores, the air of the Me- tropolis will be filled with a concord of sweet sounds, compared to which Trinity chimes will sound like.a toy-piano, AN Englishman, on being arraigned for hav- ing married a girl in New York, while his first wife was living in London, sought refuge in the plea that there was no international copyright law. Foxes are getting scarce in England, and ere long the bold Briton will be reduced to galloping madly, surrounled by his canine menagerie, over the fields of the submissive yeomanry, in daring chase of the ferocious polecat. “ Oh, how this spring of life resembleth The uncertain glories of an April day!" Is longer and less terse than what he saith Who, his umbrella having put away, Is for some hours beneath a leaky awning com- pelled to stay. Tue word “ Theophorus” signifies “carried by God.” The religious Republicans of New Hampshire, speaking of the late election there, lift up their voices to the top notch, and cry aloud: ‘‘Theophorus!” We want those western papers to go away with their robin and their blue-bird, and we propose to discount Mr. Ralph Waldo Emerson and his blooming old Rhodura. We claim to have received’ the first solid, serious, business- like indication of the arrival of Spring.. We bounced him down-stairs and chucked his poem into the waste-paper basket three weeks ago. comicbooks.com