Puck — March 20, 1878 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

VARIOUS VERSES. L PROPOSALS INVITED. «« Tender Recollections Of Irene Macgillicuddy.”” Said a maid with blushes ruddy: «After most mature reflections I think they call this tale for scoffers Tender because it tells about her offers.” Il. THE CAUSE OF IT. Mr. Lord, they say, was eighty, ‘When for lots of reasons weighty Mrs. Hicks became his wife. And the cause of all the strife, Would the ancients say, was Até, mM. A LITTLE LATIN. Boys will be boys; they will, by Jingo. No words could well be truer; To frame the phrase in Latin lingo— To puer all things are puer. Iv. A GOOD NOTICE. ‘Trinculo-Crinkle’s but a pseudo-Nym, Bardolph and Pistol would not mate with him. v. THE COLD, COLD STORY. The Herald, so called, upon my soul, Because it plays a trumpet-solo, Began by introducing polo, And then set out to find the Pole. vi. THEOLOGY. ‘The Hippodrome where once did dwell The zebra and the coatimundi, ‘The bold hyena’s awful yell, ‘The monkey's permeating smell, Beheld another sight last Sunday. Crowds came—reckless of Mrs. Grundy— And Count Joannes gave them Hell. A. “ Ul "Te was the voice of Squire Bufle, an honored justice of the peace, an up right citizen, a consistent church-member, and a gentle village gentleman. “ Joseph, my son!” It'was a very calm voice, soft and mild, yet full of determination. Joseph heard, and, reluctantly releasing the cat, came with down-cast eyes to his ancestor. For Joseph knew, from the voice of that ancestor, that something was wrong. “Sit down, Joseph.” Joseph sat. He also stuck his knuckles into his mouth, “ Yesterday was Sunday, Joseph.” Joseph did not seem disposed to contro- vert it. “Tell me, Joseph, was not yesterday Sun- day?” “ Ye-es, sir.” And Joseph seemed very sorry that yesterday was Sunday. “And is it wrong to fight chickens on Sun- day, Joseph? .... Djd you hear me, Joseph? Is it wrong?” “ T reck-reckon so.”” “And did you tight chickens yesterday, Jo- seph? Remember George Washington, Joseph; remember George.” But Joseph answered only with a watery sniff. “ Joseph, did you fight chickens yesterday 2” Joseph gnawed his knuckles voraciously and slobbered. « Joseph!” ‘‘Tha-that Crump boy-oy, he come along, ; Zz. JOSEPH’S FATHER. SEPH. Son.” THE VENUS OF OLD OIRELAND. A ST. PATRICK’S-DAY STUDY. and I was a-settin’ on the fuh-fence, I was, oo-hoo! I was.” “Well, Joseph, proceed; but no crying.” “And he-he had a roo-hooster, he did, and our old Red was in the yard, and that Crump boy said, ‘Shoo! I wouldn’t have that old rooster, nohow!! “Go on, Joseph.” “And I said—said: ‘You oughtn’t to talk that-a-way ... . "cause it’s Sunday.’ “That was right, my son. Go on.” “And he said: ‘I bet $50 mine kin whoop him.’ And I said: ‘You oughtn’t to bet, "cause it’s Sunday.’”” “Nor on any other day, Joseph.” “Then he said: ‘You git owt now! Yo’ old daddy ain’t no’hin’ but a hard-shell baptus, nohow, and he robs po’ widders out’n their milk-cows, oo; an’ I double-dare yer to open that ’ere gate an’ lem my chicken git that old feathers an’ bones!’” “ Did he say all that; and 'bout the widders, too?” “ Yes-sir-EE! foolin’ roun’ the latch, an’ fus’ thing I know the gate slipped open, an’ that Crump boy flung his rooster at old Red, an’ away they went at it, ker-flollop!” “And which got whipped, Jo?” “Old Red, I tell you! Pa, you jus’ oughter seen old Red spread himself, and 1. jus’ hollaed!”" “Old Re—ah! Joseph, Joseph, how often have I expostulated and taught you the duties of the holy sabbath? Boys were different in my time.” And hé reached for the switch. Joseph began to tune up again, Go on, sir.” “An' when I hol-hollaed fur old Red that Crump boy lit into me, he did, an’ tuck me side o’ de head wid his fis’, ye-es he did!” “Did he? Hit you? Hurt you much? And... . what did you do, Jo?” And my fingers jus’ got ter | “LJ lit into him, too; and we jus’ fit it out —that’s what—” “Fit, eh? On Sunday? How often have 1—" and the Squire gathered Joseph by the coat, and tightened his grasp on the switch. “Oo-he lit into me fus’, and called me a son of a mud-turtle—yes, he did too-oo!”" “Oh, he did, eh? And you got licked as usual, I reck’n?” “No-o I didn’t! I whooped him “Shuh! ‘That Crump boy? Why he’s bigger’n you, Jo, Did he—did he holla much?” And the Squire unconsciously loosened his hold on | Jo'scoat. “ Well, sir, Ireck’n you can go now and pick up some chips. But look here, young man, never let me hear of you fighting any more, or I'll wear you out! Do you hear me?” “ Pa, no, Jo didn’t whoop him.” It was the Squire’s other boy. “I seed it all; and that Crump boy everlastin’ly went fur Jo, / tell you!” “J-0-s-e-p-h, come back here! | was it, Willy 2” “That Crump boy jus’ got Jo down, and got on top of him, and chugged and chugged him till Jo hollaed ‘owch!” and said he give it up— and that’s jus’ how it was, too!” The old gentleman again gathered Joseph, ae this time the hickory descended hot and fast. “Licked agin huh! Licked agin! And you ason o’ mine! Licked by aCrump!! Ain’t you ashamed of yourself? Nex’ time you get to fightin’ you hit the fus’ lick—d’ye hear me? and hit it right under the gills— understand, sir? or plant it in the short ribs, or under the chin, and never let me hear of you squallin’ ‘owch’ | any more, and disgracin’ your old daddy that way. Whooped! O you! Whooped by a Crump! Ugh!” Ker-whack! ker-whack! ker—! —!!!! QuippLe YARROW. Now how comicbooks.com