Puck — March 20, 1878 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STRAY SAND. (From the Oil City Derrick.) — Never tell a weather-cock to pull down his west. — Yes, dear, you can use your spring-mat- tress in the fall. — Mr. Tilden should recollect that even a little yearning is a dangerous thing. — An Oil City man represents that he has a draught horse that can pull a faro bank. — Money is tight in ‘Titusville. A merchant lost a three-cent piece in a catch basin yester- day, when it was found necessary to suspend the entire business of the town until the money was recovered. — Anews item says that Frank J. Bowman,a St. Louis lawyer, has been debarred from further practice in Missouri, on account of unprofes- sional conduct. The first thing Mr. Bowman knows he will be in the State Legislature. —In the spring the young man’s Nancy lightly turned to thoughts of love, and the jury awarded her $6,000 in her recent breach-of- promise suit. If this thing is not understood in Cincinnati, and we have our doubts about it, two hours’ heavy brain-work is gone to thunder. NEW PROVERBIAL PHILOSOPHY. — Ata good pennyworth pause awhile, and see if you can’t get the shopman to throw off a little for cash. — Everything is good in its season, except oleomargarine, which has no season it can call its own. — Everyone has a fool in his sleeve, is a direct insult to every lady whose lover has a pocket in the sleeve of his ulster. — He is not dead who has one throw to cast, but he dice soon after. — He that makes a good war has peace, which accounts for the sweet tranquility of the writer's life. — The foot on the cradle and the hand on the distaff is the sign of a good wife, but we have our doubts about its being a good sign by which to choose a wife, particularly the ‘ foot on the cradle” part of it. — The receiver is as bad as the thief. If it had been the intention of the author to except railroad receivers, we believe he would have said so. — The day on which you marry you either make or mar yourself, or marry some one else. It is a wise chiel that knows his own Faber. —Derrick, BorpER TROUBLES — matching the wall paper. —Danbury News. One of Secretary Evarts’s speeches has been translated into a German word.—P. /. Man. WHEN does a man become a “burning” poet? When he's a versifier.—V. Y. Commercial. Tue Yonkers Gazelle says there is one con- solation, very few snow banks failed last winter. One acre in fifty of Florida land is said to be good for something, the something in question being to make fifty of forty-nine.—Danbury News. Ir is better to have the blue blood in your veins than brains in your skull in Bgsten.— Donn Piatt, who isn't troublod with either— Bost. Post. Ben Butver says that greenbacks are his children. And he has contrived to keep a great many of his children near their par.—/hi/a- delphia Bulletin, PUCK. THe Zelegram says there is an Irish canary bird in New London two hundred years old. Really now canary bird live as long as that? — Bridgeport Standard, Wuar this country needs as much as any- thing about these times is an executive who ex- ecutes.— Philadelphia Times. Or a President who presides. —Derrick. Freicnt is now only ten cents per hundred from St. Louis to New York. If Senator David Davis was a “ freight,” he could travel the dis- tance for fifty cents.— Williams of Norristown. A cynicat individual might suggest that Joe Cook is letting on to know a good deal about marriage for a fellow who was a bachelor con- siderably less than a year ago.—Springfeld Republican, ‘Tue Bridgeport Standard has an article on “How to Prevent Hard Times.” We are afraid it is a little too late to prevent ’em. It ought to have been attended to several days ago.— Daubury News. A Vircinia City man was knocked down for whistling on the street, and the court ruled that he was served just right and not entitled to damages.—£x. The old /extalionis, a blow for a blower.—Biladelphia Phulletin, ‘Tue Troy Zimes says it was a small piece of business for Boston to refuse Count Joannes permission to appear in this city. Well, it was no worse than ‘l'roy’s keeping out Agamemnon. spiteful Classicist of the Boston Post. ‘They are going to have an artificial Niagara Falls at the Paris Exposition; but, unless an American is charged fifteen dollars for looking at it, and has his pocket picked by a hackman, he will fail to recognize it.—- Norr. Herald. Marcu is marching a—but no matter. We swore a solemn oath not to print that round- shouldered old joke this year, and must not, can not, violate our dread compact, let the populace howl for it as they may.—Bridgeport Standard. ARECKLESs individual propoundsthis: “What is the difference between the present excite- ment in England and a push-cart? Ans.: One is “war feeling,” and the other is “ for wheel- ing.” A physician says his recovery is very doubtful.—Norr. Herald, Tue New York Maid, since it changed hands, has become not only witty but conscientious. It always credits jokes, now. The other day it took a little one of ours, about “ putting panes” into a little boy, and solemnly credited it to—itself.— Philadelphia Bulletin, “PANTS FOR GLORY” is the heading to a late literary effort that is going the rounds of the press. We haven't read the article yet, but we surely shall, to find out if they are cut little at the bottoms and bagging at the knee; to learn if they have cords down the side, and a pocket behind; to ascertain if they are worn without suspenders, so to allow the shirt to foam out uver the top; and delve into all of the details that we may instruct our tailor, for the pants of glory are the pants for us.— Fulton Times. NOTICE. The PUZZLE-PICTURE—Supplement in No. 53, issue of March 13th: SEEK AND YE SHALL FIND, WHO DECIDES THE EUROPEAN QUESTION? TO WHICH POWER MUST ALL THINGS YIELD? has been published as a separate sheet, and is for sale by all newsdealers, and at the Puck office, at FIVE CENTS PER COPY. PUCK’S Pictorial Department SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. Havine completed all necessary arrangements, and in compliance with numerous requests, the publishers and proprietors of Puck take pleasure in announcing that they have opened a GENERAL DESIGNING OFFICE, where the services of the best artists in America, including those of the dis- tinguished cartoonist, Mr. JOSEPH KEPPLER, are employed in furnishing all kinds of Illustrations, in the most perfect style, on short notice, and at reason- able rates, The Theatrical Profession will find it to their especial advantage, in arranging for LITHOGRAPHIC PORTRAITS, to apply at this office, where Mr. Josep Kerpter is in personal charge of the department. Address, Puck Publishing Company, 13 N. WILLIAM ST., NEW YORK. comicbooks.com