Puck — February 13, 1878 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

14 PUCK. A FORMER member of the Harvard base-ball club has carried our national game into Japan, Chin Chin, pitchee, knockce ball topside, and Shang Chang, slecond base, catchee allee same Melican man, fling it Inn Sane, catchee puttee out on home base.: Slide out, whoopee!—/uck —boucicaulled by shameless Rockland Courier. In the Mississippi Legislature a Mr. Berry submitted the following resolution: “‘ Resolved, ‘That Rutherford B, Hayes is a fraud and Sam- uel’ J. Tilden is a failure.” Really, now, you know, we can’t undertake to bury the hatchet up North here, unless somebody will undertake to hatchet the Berry down there.—hi/a, Bul- ketin. Matitpa Fretcuer is organizing Social Science clubs among the women of the country. If Social Science can enable a young man to suck something more profound than “Who'd I see you with at the hop last week ?” out of the end of his cane, then indeed the world will believe that Social Science is a grand, great thing.— Hawkeye. A CORRESPONDENT asks, what is the best method of feeding cattle in winter? We don’t exactly know. One man might prefer to take the ox in his lap and feed him with a spoon. Others would bring his into the dining room and let him sit at the table with the old folks. Tastes differ in matters of this kind.—Mew London Telegram. Mr. James Gorpon Bennett: “We posi- tively refuse to put any money in the polar- expedition. We have got enough of it. We have been figuying on this thing, and find that every township Stanley discovered in Africa has cost us $20,000. What assurance have we that northern townships are any cheaper? There- fore, go to.—Derrick. ‘Tue Bible tells you not to call a man a fool. But then if he really is one what are you to do, since the Bible enjoins you to tell the truth?” Perhaps the inspired writer intended that the truth should be merely indicated in some par- liamentary manner—as, for instance, saying that the unfortunate person is a sort of Stanley. Matthews. — Worcester Press. He screams, he kicks, he rolls on the floor, he assails the mirror, the picture-frames, the bronzes, your shuddering person, with whatever offensive weapon he can seize. He wants to demolish things and make matters sprightly for the family and the family’s friends, and he suc: ceeds dreadfully. His parents—his mother generally—look on serenely, it may be admi- ringly, and mildly say: “ You should not doso, darling.” —W. ¥. Times. ‘Tue Washington correspondents tell us that the President and his wife have adopted a rule to accept no invitation to balls or receptions, and in this way hope to avoid giving offense by accepting some and declining others, Mr. Hayes, we believe, adopted the accept-no- invitation policy before he was elected, for did not a quarter of a million majority invite him to stay away from the White House? Yea, verily. But he did not accept the invitation. —Oil City Derrick. Just as they came along where the fortifi- cations were being extended over the water, the aged wanderer touched his companion softly and said “ That's a dangerous man over there, the one driving timbers I mean.” “Why?” innocently inquired the other. ‘ Be- cause he’s spiling for a fight,” murmured the old man mournfully. A long and painfully silent pause, an awful look of astonishment, and then the young tramp fled, a gibbering maniac, while the old man sat down on a muddy log and wept over what he had done with his little pun.— Bridgeport Standard. HOPE. There is no town, however watched and tended, But one dead bank is there; There is no safe, however well defended, But needs still greater care. The air is full of farewells for the dying, And mournings for the dead: The heart of Sherman, the people’s wealth de- crying, Will it be comforted? We must be comforted! These severe afflic- tions Not from the ground arise! The bullionists declare that benedictions Assume a golden guise! Wesee but dimly through the mists and vapors, Amid these falling banks; But far above the clouds the heavenly tapers Shine silvery o'er our ranks! —Kansas City Times (doubtful), WE have received a Medical Almanac for 1878. Its table of contents covers a wide range of topics. We notice a very able article on “Scald Heads;” and a very labored paper on tape-worms, written by Anonymous, is worth the price of the book—which is given away. This almanac says next 4th of July will be “pleasant,” so Sunday-schools can commence thus early to make arrangements for picnics and excur- sions on that day. ‘There are some almanacs in the market which predict rain and thunder on the coming Fourth—and they cost as much as five cents. Get the cheapest and best.-- Norristown Herald. A RASH young man in Boston asked a small but select dinner party, the other evening, the following conundrum: Why is Longfellow like Lord Dundreary ?” and when they had all given it up, replied: “Because he has got a Brother Sam.” An icy silence fell upon the company. His father resolved to leave all his fortune to an asyluin for horse-car conductors, and his betrothed, casting upon him a glance of indignation that well-nigh fused her specs, said that henceforth, and even in a railroad collision, they must meet as strangers.— Chicago Tribune. CEM i [ELISCHMANN & COS, [<> v GENCINE ARTICLE In Memoriam Brigham Young. * To supply the demand for the above-named illustration, depicting the “ Mormon’s Empty Pillow,” and owing to the fact that the edition of “Puck” containing it has been entirely ex- hansted, the cartoon has been published as a single sheet, and can: be obtained from any newsdealer in the country. “PUCK” PUBLISHING CO., 13 N. William Street, New York. PUCK’S — Pictorial Department | SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. Havine completed all necessary arrangements, and in compliance with numerous requests, the publishers and proprietors of Puck take pleasure in announcing that they have opened a GENERAL DESIGNING OFFICE, where the services of the best artists in America, including those of the dis- tinguished cartoonist, Mr. JOSEPH KEPPLER, are employed in furnishing all kinds of Illustrations, in the most perfect style, on short notice, and at reason- able rates, The Theatrical Profession will find it to their especial advantage, in arranging for LITHOGRAPHIC PORTRAITS, to apply at this office, where Mr. JoserH Kerrier is in personal charge of the department. Address, Puck Publishing Company, 13 N. WILLIAM ST., NEW YORK. ear Comicbooks.com