Puck — January 16, 1878 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. “PUCK”, No. 13 North William Street, New York. - FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Terms Jo SunscRiaers. ‘One Copy one year, or 52 numbers... ‘One Copy, six months, of 26 numbers. ‘One Copy for thirteen weeks. 3 Postace Free, PUCK’S ALMANAC , FOR 1878. THE MOST REMARKABLE EVER ISSUED. JUST OUT! - ConTaininc: (But why should the contents be thus pub- licly exposed?) Price 15 Cents. For Sate EveRYWHERE. REPUBLICANS IN NEW TTAMPSHIR' Our good friend Mr. William E. Chandler, has not come off with all the honors that could be desired at the New Hampshire Republican Convention, which admitted that there is hon- est difference of opinion in respect to President Hayes’s past acts. Senator Conkling snd General Butler must also feel a little disappointed at the turn affairs have taken here. Thus the attacks of the Re- publican soreheads and turncoats recoil on themselves in a manner for which they did not bargain. Puckerings. Anna Dickinson is re-writing “Hamlet,” and turning the First Gravedigger into a female star part. ‘Tue Ball is Up! Give Johnny his skates, and tell him to drop in at the undertaker’s, as he gocs up to the Park, and say whether he wants silver handles or not. Henry Cray said: “I would rather be right than be President of a Life Insurance Com pany,” because he foresaw that very likely, if he were President, he would be left. ‘Tue President may be, as an administration | organ claims, harassed “only by an army of | monkeys;” but it strikes us that the gentleman from Ohio must be beginning to think that he would “like to have a tail and be one of ’em.” “A Bany in the house is a Wellspring of Pleasure.” Please cut this out, and paste it on the goose-grease bottle, so that you may be gently admonished to take a correct view of the situation the next time you have to get up at twelve P. M. on account of the Well-spring’s showing croupy symptoms. Wuirtier says that his wardrobe does not cost him over fifty dollars a year. Whit., old . boy, that gamboge benjamin with the red woolen comforter around the waist was called Witte Winter writes for Baldwin's Monthly. Probably ihe wants to clothe his ideas, ls S Hayes, it appears, does not take. his whiskey straight. He takes it in oranges. If he be- comts wedded to this pernicious habit, we shall see him blooming out in:nasal orange-blossoms —a variation on the old rum style. Smitx, of Smith & Biler, Cincinnati, Pork, has taken to patronizing art. He called on a New York painter recently, and commissioned a picture. “Something takin’, you know—not too quiet. Gimme something showy. Say a—an apple- tree, all a bloomin’, in a field of yaller wheat, and autumn leaves kinder lyin’ 'round.” How easy it is to make a joke that will go the rounds of the press. Frinstance: A pair of giraffes have been added to the London Zoo. They ought to join the pa‘rograffer’s As- sociation—Graphic. Of course this is clipped from the Giraffeic - Joshtown Jab-jab. ject; if everybody becomes” member: be hard to teil us 200 200.—/eory Peorian. A CLERGYMAN in New Brunswick, N. J., has just refused to marry Mr. Oliver P. Dunn, age 94, to Miss Elizabeth Way, of 80 sweet sum- mers. We are glad these ministers are begin- ning to take warning from the firightful exam- ple furnished by the Hicks case, and are get- ting a little scary about marrying these rash young creatures who seek to leap into the aw- ful gulf of wedlock ere they have attained to years of disc in. Don’r put any trust in this mild winter. It is just hanging back, playing summer, until it shall. succeed in luring the tramps out from their places of hibernation; and then, when it once gets them spread out in the open air, it will come down on them like the resistless.ava- lanche of the Alpine heights, green rushing from the rosy thrones of dawn, or maybe ra- ther more in the effective style of the tradi- tional thousand of bricks. Oniver. WeND! Howmes is the man who said: “A boy ought to be put in a barrel, and fed through the bung-hole until he is eighteen.” This fact is not generally known; and we take upon ourselves the responsibility for giving it publicity. We do not palliate Mr. Holmes, as a general tning, but we think that, in these days, when the question of eternal torment is as yet unsettled, everything should be stated that tends to mitigate the culpability of a Bostonian Humorist. Ir the paragrammist of the Sporting careful he will get himself disliked. Several of the hu- morous bits cribbed from American papers and published in the most recent issue of the S. 7. we had carefully laid aside for our own special use.— London Figaro. We will make a bargain with you, Figaro, although you have clipped from us about a dozen of our Puckerings, without credit. If you will, once a fortnight, say something that comes as near a joke-as that, we will clip it and give you credit. This may give our readers the utterly delusive idea that it is possible for a London paper to be funny; but we are willing | to assume the responsibility. — If the claim of Mr, Charles Francis Adams to the authorship of Mr. Charles Follen Adams's little Geman dialect poems continues to be urged and at last gains general acquiescence, Mr. Adams will bear on his brow the brand of in long ago. fraud first triumphant in American literature. ESSENTIAL OIL OF CONGRESS. Wasittxcton, January 9, 1878. House oF REPRESENTATIVES. The Heathen Chinee. Mr. Lurtrett introduced a bill to abolish China‘aen in every shape. ‘The penalty for giving any employment to these wretched specimens of humanity was to be hanging, drawing, and quartering; and the. man who should attempt to suggest that a Mongolian - should become a citizen of the United States must be immediately tried by drumhead court martial, found guilty of high crimes and mis- demeanors, and be blown up with nitro- glycerine. And yet all men are created free and equal. NATE. The Silver Question. Senwror Beck was by no means in love with the Bland Silver Bill as it came from the House of Representatives, and thought that the Senate Committee on Finance did not right in refusing to allow any fellow who had lots of silver bullion by means of the philosopher’s stone and otherwise, to get them transmuted into gold bullion. Germany had demonetized silver, con- sequently German silver wasn’t worth a cent. England was held up as a model —but she was a bad model, because she didn’t think as the United States did. All the world owed money to England—but the United States owed all the world, and that was a particularly good reason for not paying in full. Jayuary tith, Woman Suffrage. ‘The Senate Committee on Privileges and ctions heard what the ladies had to say on the subject of being allowed to vote. Euizanetu Capy Stanton said that the na- tion wasn’t safe unless women could do as they darned pleased. Women were women, and the women in America were American women, therefore women ought to be allowed to vote. Femace M. J. Gace thought that a woman was a much superior person to a colored man. Priscita HAND LAURENCE, in advocating a | Sixteenth amendment, remarked that if Irish- men, Germans, and Negroes had the right of suffrage, why shouldn't a wife and mother? Echo promptly answered, of course, she had, and no two ways about it. The American government was fast going to the dogs, because it was managed by a fraudulent few. Motwer Sara A, Spencer stated on behalt of her crushed sisters, they hada great deal more to say—indeed could talk for the next month. ‘They would feel so delighted, if they might be allowed to work their feminine jaws again before the Senate. Gattant Senator Hoar moved that they might, whereat the gentle women felt good, and came to the conclusion that after all men were very little inferior to women in intellect and manners. comichooks, com