Puck — January 16, 1878 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. ALBERTA JELLINGTON DE TONG. Could dance with ease the whole night long. Her parents found this hard to bear, But that is neither here nor there. She lived to dance; it is no slur ‘To say the waltz was nuts to her. She beat at Germans all to grass ‘The daughter of Herodias. Howadji Bunnoo Ramchamunder Beheld her dance with pagan wonder. Said he, ‘‘ The German must be caught Ere I return to Juggernaut. “Tt really would be quite the cheese To learn to circulate with ease Among the maidens of Bombay In such a fascinating way.” He gained the side of Miss de Tong, And said, ‘I've watched you dancing long; I've viewed from near, I've scanned from far, To me the German's caviare. I'd like to take it back with me When I return to Bengalee. ‘The secret of the dance impart.” Said Miss de Tong, ‘‘ With all my heart.” She made him send a choice bouquet, She taught him lots of stuff to say, She had him whirled from ten to four Upon a smoothly polished floor. She made him bring her consommée, She sent him back for bomb glacée, She had him chop her beef, and then She whirled him in the dance again. “Ts this the way you always do?” Howadji said when they were through. “0 yes,” De Tong replied with glee. “O, ain't it fun? it’s nuts to me,” Howadji murmured, lost in thought, “J will go back to Juggernaut, I am not good for very much, A Christian girl can beat the Dutch.” —Harvard Lampoon. Ir there isn’t any hell, where does the devil hang out ?°— Worcester Press. ALL the butchers are in favor of a bi-meat- allic currency.—V. Y Com. Adv. A MAN never uses his thumb-nail for a screw- driver but once.— Oil City Derrick. Osman Pasua has seven wives at home and enjoys living in jail correspondingly. — Boston Post. Ir Mr. Thomas Lord will call at this office he will hear.of something to our advantage. — Graphic, » Bookkeepers should always write a ledger- able hand.—Com, Adv. ‘They journally do.— Camden Post. Steep is excellent for a cold, and this weather is fine for a cold’s nap.—Brooklyn Union- Argus. Concress meets to-day. It isa ghastly wind- ing up of the holidays, but we will have to en- dure it. - Oil City Derrick. A Cincinnati “society” reporter says, “there’s no end to balls.” Balls, we believe, are always round. —Norristown Herald, We trust Grace Greenwood will not get spoony, albeit she publicly admits that she has a weakness for Ben Butler.— Oil City Derrick. A xitren that is drowned before it gets its eyes open is saved the pain of growing up and getting its tail pinched by the woodshed door. Times. A Montana justice of the peace doesn’t splurge any when he marries a couple. He says: “Arise! Grab hands! Hitched! Six dol- lars.” And that is all there is to it?—Zx. In London, years ago, a prize of fifty dollars was offered for the best original joke, and Horne Tooke it.— Norristown Herald. Now, be honest. Didn’t ‘Theodore Hook it.—Derrick. We observe several reckless paragraphers ask- ing imprudent questions as to the whereabouts and present occupation of Gail Hamilton. We advise caution; that’s all.— Phil. Bulletin. A SMALL boy, arrested for throwing stones at the windows of Independence Hall, the other day, got off on the plea that he was only “rocking” the cradle of Liberty.— Phila. Bul- detin, ‘Tue Western press is getting the start of us at the East, hand over fst. The Cour.-Jour. has a complete account of the battle of New Orleans in its issue of the 8th, ahead of the Associated Press and everybody else.— hil. Bulletin. Tue feminine mind has a limitless faculty for absorbing information in which there is neither shadow nor substance of truth.—/nd. Herald, So it has, my love, so it has. But it absorbs a great deal of it from the arid soil of shallow masculinity.—P4i?. Bulletin. ‘Tue speech Mark Twain made concerning the Yankee poets has caused those concerned no concern at all, but those whom the concern did not concern appear to be unduly concerned about the concern.—St. Louis Jourual. An editor was knocked down the other day by a highwayman, who demanded his valua- bles. The poor man took out his scissors to pass them over to the highwayman, but the latter thought them a revolver and immediately retreated. Whitehall Times. Au, the merry, joyous winter time. How the bracing atmosphere sends the blood rushing and tingling through the veins. And how it makes that blood settle in the nose, imparting a most suspicious tinge to that useful member of society.— Rockland Courier. New Hampsuire seems bent to destroy Him who once was her favorite boy. Billee Chandler would fain Have seen Rutherford slain; But was squelched with a “ Whatdoyersoy !” —Woreester Press. “NoTHING,” remarked a teacher of botany, the other day, “ nothing will come up when the ground is frozen." If the teacher will just try to put the crupper on a bay mule when it is feeling a little dyspeptic, he will discover there are two things which come up like rockets without any regard to the weather.— Hawkeye, AND YET BEING SOLD AS. YEASY WORTMLESS IMITATIONS (AIL; FELISCHAKN & COS. CENUINE ARTICLE PUCK’S Pictorial Departament SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. Havinc completed all necessary arrangements, and in compliance with numerous requests, the publishers and proprietors of Puck take pleasure in announcing that they have opened a GENERAL DESIGNING OFFICE, where theservices of the best artists in America, including those of the dis- tinguished cartoonist, - Mr. JOSEPH KEPPLER, are employed in furnishing all kinds of Illustrations, in the most perfect style, on short notice, and at reason- able rates. The Theatrical Profession will find it to their especial advantage, in arranging for LITHOGRAPHIC PORTRAITS, to apply at this office, where Mr. Joseru Keppcer is in personal charge of the department. Address, Puck Publishing Company, 13 N. WILLIAM ST., NEW YORK.