Puck — January 16, 1878 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

a TORer PUCK. THE JOURNALISM OF THE FUTURE. (A Boucicaultation from the French.) ee grand possibilities of Journalism are ever enlarging. Within the past few years, this grandest of modern institu- tions has undoubtedly made wonderful strides; but the potentialities of progress opened by the immediate future are infinitely greater. To-day the Press records, it chronicles, it reflects. ‘To-morrow—who knows?—it may create and construct. ‘he Journal of the Present an- nounces events that have taken place—the Jotirnal of the Future will prophesy events yet unconsummated. The one tellsus of Yesterday —the other will foreshadow To-morrow, Of course, this innovation will at first entail considerable expense; but it will not be long before the public gets the hang of the new sys- tem, and finds that it is only serving its own private interests in assisting the argus-eyed Press to make History. Why may not we, in the palatial office of the Journal of the Future, listen to such scenes as these: f° “T want to see the Editor.” “Tam the News Editor—can I do anything for you?” “I~ represent Prince Milan Obrenovitch XVIII. I have just come from the seat of war, Please announce on your first page, in double-displayed head-lines, that to-morrow, at twenty minutes past twelve, sharp, we take possession of St. Petersburg, after a brief struggle. The Czar will poison himself at midnight, and Alexis will retire to Siberia.” “ But suppose, instead of making your vic- torious entry, you get whipped ?”” “Impossible. In any case, please insert the item—just to give confidence to our troops— they know your paper is always well informed.” “But—” “Sure thing!” “Don’t want to take any chances, sir. We got left just the same way last time the Bul- garians didn’t take, Constantinople.” “ All right—here’s a check for two thousand dollars—will deposit it by way of guarantee. Correct? Well, make yourself easy. No doubt about it this time. Good evening!” * = * * ««T want to see the Editor.” “Allright! What is it?” “Full reports of to-morrow’s election.” “Solid 2” “All of’em. We've interviewed every voter personally, and got all the doubtful ones under heavy bail to keep to their contracts and not ‘€Well, how's Conkling ?”” “Nowhere! George Francis Train polls 803,997 votes in this State alone. ‘The votes of all the Southern States cast out. Maine returns the brandy-and-seltzer candidate.” “Everything passes off quietly, I suppose ?” “Ya-as. You may state for certain that a young German by the name of Hinkelblatter will be shot in the thigh, at the corner of 86th Street and Third Avenue, at half-past two o'clock.” “Sure of that ?” “Oh, yes. Gowny Egan—very reliable prize- fighter—sworn to do it. He won't fail. Defense insanity. Solong!” * * * * ‘I want to see the Editor.” “I'm the maa. But who the deyce are you 7” “‘Your paper comes out to-morrow mornin’, don’t it?” “Yes - but—" “Well, ye kin jes’ put in that the store of Christle and Jetsby, Jewelers, .. . Broadway, was entered last night by burglars, who escaped with a large amount of property. The police are on the track.” “Well, Isay—” “Yes, we're goin’ to do it to-night?” “Who?” “Billy the Buster an’ me.”” “But, you know, my friend, this isn’t in the regular line of business. Suppose I should de- nounce you?” “Boss, I’m surprised! ‘This information is exclusive. We ain’t given it to no other paper. Is this the way you treat an old subscriber ?” “T beg your pardon, sir—very much obliged to you, I'm sure. You may be quite easy. We appreciate your kindness. Good evening!” * * = % “Damme! he’s stolen my watch!” * * 3 * “1 want to see the Editor.” “At your service, madam!” “©Oh, sir!—how shall I say it?—I amin love!” “You would not tell me that your affection isnot reciprocated? Impossible! And so lovely!” “Tt is too true. He has deserted me!” “The monster!" “Will you state in your paper that the body of a young girl—” “*Shan't I say young and beautiful?” “‘No!—but yet—-I suppose...... it is neces- sary that-I should be identified—you now best, sir! “Proceed.” “Will be found floating in the East River to- morrow morning. In her hand she clasped a letter, of which this is a copy—here is it, sir.” “Thank you. That's especially thoughtful, madam, because the original, you know, would be pretty well soaked. Go on, if you please.” “Say, the expression of the features was placid.” “That's all? Well, good evening—but— stay one moment, madam. It’s unprofessional, I know, to spoil a news item; but must you?” “Alas! there is no hesitating now, I have countermanded my order at Worth’s—.it is too late to send to Paris, and get my things before the Ball. Too late! too late!” “At least, before you go for ever, you will step round to Hudnut’s with me and let me offer you a glass of sarsaparilla?” ‘*No—no! do not ask me!” “You don’t like sarsaparilla?” “Yes, I adore it. But now—sarsaparilla, without Aim, has last its charm. Farewell, sir!” * * . * “I want to see the Editor.” “ Here you are.” “T wish to notify you of a suicide to take place to-morrow.” . “Whose?” “Mine.” “Love?” “ No—nothing.” “What?” “No reason is assigned for the rash act.” “Style?” “Tap from window. Death instantaneous.” « Please state when—exact hour. Weshouldn’t care to have any of our subscribers pass under your window at the time—you’re a pretty heavy weight.” “Twenty-seven minutes past three. ing me away to the police, eh?” “* Not under any circumstances.” “You'll send a copy of the paper contain- ing the item?” “To you? What address?” ‘ “*No, not to me. Send it to my tailor— with my card. Here you are. Au revoir!” “T guess we might as well say adieu, my friend—at least till this Hell controversy is No giv- “I want to see the Editor.” “Any one in particular?” “No—I don't know—I guess not. I only want to inform you of an intended elopement in high life.” “You are concerned ?”” “Ya-as, I run away to-night with a beauti- ful and accomplished young lady, moving in the most fashionable circles of this city.” “ Parents object?” “No! Don’t know her parents at all. It isn’t good form now for a fellow to know a girl’s family. But they would object, sure, if they knew. I’m not worth a cent—two thou- sand dollars debts. So I’ve made the girl think that it’s my father who objects; and that that is the reason for cutting off on the sly.” “Risky, isn’t it?” “Oh, no! Her father’s sure to come round after a bit. She can just twist the old buffer around her finger.” “Ts he rich?” “Shouldn't wonder. He's in your line of business. Most newspaper editors are rich, aren’t they?” “Ah, journalist ? Yes, almost all millionaires. Eh—what did you say the girl’s name was?” “Geraldine Juliana Smith—hi, there! Whaz- zer mazzer with you?” “Pm Situ! Sm the old buffer!! It’s my daughter!!!” * * * Office of Journal of the Future closed for repairs. DRAMATIC NOTES. ‘Tue public has taken “ Risks” at the Park ‘Theatre—taken it well. Fecuter is playing Obenreizer in “No Tho- roughfare ” at the Broadway Theatre. It is a powerful performance. Art the Fifth Avenue Theatre, Modjeska has played Camille with finish, intelligence, and a very bad Armand, “My Awrut Dap” once more at Wallack’s. This is to let Lester get his hand in before he tackles the coming novelty. Mr. Freperic Ciark’s American Drama of “True Woman” was a success in Chicago. One more for Great American. Miss Kate Craxton’s- combination tour closes at Buffalo on the 19th. After that date she sails all alone on her own stellar hook. Tue latest new play in Paris is the “Case de V'Uncle Tom” at the Ambigu. What is there amb guous or new about “Uncle Tom's Cabin"? Miss Macoie Mitcnett enlivens Brooklyn this week. She plays /anchon, and gives an admirable performance—by no means a Cricketure, as has been maliciously asserted. Ricuarp is not himself again, because that’s Colly Cibber and not Shakspere. But Booth is himself again at his own theatre, in a new version of “ Richard III.” Now is the William Winter of his discontent made glorious summer by appreciative audiences. Mr. Boucicautt, having exhausted the drama of the Past, is now writing a drama of the Future for Wallack’s Theatre. It tells us about a time when England shall have been invaded by Prussia. When Mr. Boucicault’s drama shall have been acted, we shall have been there, and that shall have settled it. Wnite the “Cause Célébre,” called in Eng- lish “A Celebrated Case,” is being got ready, “The Man of Success” holds the stage at the Union Square. In this connection we may re- mark that Mr. Coghlan has made a hit as Afont- joye, and that the privilege of gazing on his brown wig, with a realistic bald spot on the apex, is alone worth the price of admission. eT Se — comichooks.coim