Puck — December 5, 1877 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. “PUCK", No. 13 North William Street, New York FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Terms To Sunscriperi ‘One Copy one year, or 52 numbers... ‘One Copy, six months, or 26 numbers. ‘One Copy for thirteen weeks. Postace Furs, A FABLE. Ore upon atime, a Traveler was Jour- neying alone upon his Camel, when the Beast suddenly became Mad, and shak- ing the Traveler off his Back, he turned upon him and would have Bitten him; but the Trav- eler Made off as Fast as his Legs could Carry h'm. But in his Haste he came to the Bank of a River, and came Nigh to Falling In, which he would have done, had it not been for the Branch of a ‘Tree, to which he hung with all his Might. While he thus hung by the skin of his Fingers, happening to Cast down his Eyes, he perceived an Enormous Crocodile, which opened its Jaws under him. Looking up from this Frightful Spectacle, he saw that the Camel had Pursued him to the very Brink, and was Endeavoring to reach him. To add to his Perplexity, fe beheld two Mice which Gnawed like Blazes at his Branch. Thereupon the ‘Traveler communed with himself and said Something which we will not Transcribe for Fear of Wounding the Sensibii Respected Readers. MORAL, If Patterson will do these Things, he Must Expect to get into a Tight Place, THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES. It is to be hoped that Hayes has made up his mind about the Silver Bill, it must never be allowed to become law. ‘The President is having a rather hard time of it, his party has fallen to pieces and he is now.thankful for favors from his enemies But much exercised as he is, Puck will keep a sharp look-out for that repudiation Silver bill. The country must not be longer in suspense, for Liberty will be endangered. The Sword of Damocles hangs over her, and vacillation or nervousness from Hayes would ultimately plunge the country in greater misery, compared to which the last few years would be gloriously prosperous. PUCK'S ESSENTIAL OIL OF CONGRESS. SENATE. For a whole week, this dignified- body has been having a real nice time. Democrats and Republicans have sung: Here we go up up up, Here we go down down down, Here we go under and over, Here we go round round round, and at last Butler and Kellogg are seated. A little of the proceedings will go a very long way. Monpay, Nov. 26. Senator Davis said that the eyes of the country were on them. He knew that he him- self was a good deal to take in all at one view, but nevertheless some decision mustbe arrived at. Senator Epmunps had made up his mind to speak for an hour or two. He rather liked to see himself reported in the daily papers. It made him think he was a statesman, but it just semounted to this, Kellogg must be ad- mitied. Senator Patterson didn’t intend to ad- dress the Senate, therefore he felt called upon to speak for two or three hours. He was not scared at the thought of that striped suit in South Carolina, ane would vote any way that paid him best, , Senator Conover said he was not a lawyer, although if the Senate listened long enough to his remarks they'd find it out without his telling them. If he were not laboring under a misapprehension he believed the question now being discussed was as to what Senators were and what Senators were not to be seated. He now intended to sit up all night, and trusted other members would do the same. Nothing would afford him greater pleasure than to have company—but he would just like to hint that Butler was the man he fancied. Members ‘then went to sleep, and voted pro and con when the spirit moved them. ‘The above is a specimen brick of each day's entertainment. “REMEMBER, MASTERS, THAT I AM AN ASS.” (17 E have been singularly fortunate of late in our representatives at the Court of St. James's. Schenck initiated the British aristocracy into the mysteries of poker. Lady Mary Pierrepont was a bright American specimen of the genus Snob and Spiritualis:, but old Welsh can see these and go them seve- ral better. This charming, driveling old slaveholding superior imbecile who is now on the “briny” has given the Philadelphian villagers a taste of his quality at a dinner given to him by his ad- mirers. The silly eloquent oration of the ven- erable donkey was something like the following: “T have nothing to say, and I don’t know how tosay it. I ought to thank the Lord that lama foreign minister, and he in his mercy will tell me what todo, for I'll be hanged if Iknow. My heart is full, but I'm not. I’m too religious to get drunk. Ask who is the most charitable man in the world. The answer is John Welsh. Who has labored to reclaim the erring? John Welsh. Who is the boss philantrhopist in the matter of hospitals? John Welsh. Whois the only man in existence that has the good of our soldiers at heart? John Welsh. Yes, I am the A x particular Christian who can’t be beat. I am the personification and quintessence of every thing that is good and lovely, and shall be for ever and ever Amen, unless the Lord punish me for being a Slaveholder.” How Disraeli, Gladstone and Bright will quake in their shoes when they learn whit a brilliant zany is coming to repzesent us! Puckerings. Orper or Hiserntans.—Potheen. Hot(e£)y Orpers.—Punch with care. Kwicut or THE Batu.—Saturday night. Lotta carried Syracuse by storm. There was a Lotta reign there, in fact. A NANTUCKETER has raised wheat from seed found in the hand of an Egyptian mummy. He is now experimenting with corns taken from the mummy’s feet. Grorce Francis TRAIN commenced a per- manent fast last week. We hate to cast a pall of gloom over the many hearts that will be made lighter by this announcement; but we are obliged to state that after 96 hours he struck food again. Tre Queen's County Hunt gave the regula- tion ball, 4 la mode anglaise, last week. The rooms were gorgeously decorated with masks and pads, the brushes of the miserable foxes, and other trophies of the chase. But where, oh where! was that anise-seed bag? AT the recent baby-show it was noteworthy that no father of twins or of single-barreled exhibits was to be scen, while the males respon- sible for the two sets of triplets were both on view. The awful calamity that separated them from ordinary humanity had placed them far beyond the bounds of shame or remorse. Ir is all very well to read the glowing ac- counts of the success of revival-meetings, vouched for by all the prominent men of the locality; but what we want to find is a square old-fashioned minister who will strike an honest balance-sheet and own up just how many sus- pender-buttons he winnows out of the hat at every collection. THERE are rumors of analliance between the Servians, Montenegrins and Greeks; and the men who have been “ following” the combat from the beginning contemplate with unspeak- able horror the re-arrangement of the war-maps on a fresh system of nomenclature. ‘Tue English sporting style is all the rage just now, and Mr. Spilliter, of Grand Street, who is in the hosiery and fancy-goods line, goes over to Hoboken and inquires of Mr. Barcalow, who has come down from Pemigewasset to at- tend the “meet”: “'Arry, 'ave you seen the ‘are yet?” ‘To which Mr. Barcalow scornfully responds: “It isn’t a ‘are the ‘ounds are ‘unt- ing; it’s a hanise-seed ba And then they go out and get a ‘arf-n’-arf, and are ‘appy. We have steadily opposed the appointment of the present Minister to England. We fear it will disturb the good feeling at present ex- isting between the two nations. ‘The next thing we know, the justly fastidious Briton will make a formal complaint of monotony, and will send over to inquire whether ihis country doesn’t grow any other kind of snob than the Piérre- pont-Welsh variety. Sam Cox was the man they needed. Crvitization has done much toward dissemi nting beautiful ideas of humanity; but Civili- zation can’t successfully sit on the sympathetic thrill in a man's breast, when he reads of the opening of the cock-fighting season, and learns that in the first main a black-red goug-d the eyes out of a ginger-pyle and retired to private life with the loss of his own com) and with a resi- due of two tail-feathers and one spur. Wuen a church convention meets and finds it has nothing to do for its board and lodging, the members resurrect the Hell controversy, and they pick out a candid delegate who de- clines to believe that unbaptized babies roast in sulphur to all eternity, and they promptly expel him and excommunicate him. Then they brace up and resolve unanimously to ac- cept an invitation to dine in a body with the richest pew-holde- in town. PLYMOUTH CHURCH AGAIN. Mrs. Gertrupe Beacw is at loggerheads with her church, Dr. Edward Beecher, Dr. H. B, White, Mr. Thomas Shearman, Mr. Halli- day, and a Mrs. El:zabeth Dusenberry. There is a remarkable lack of Beecher about this affair. Has he retired temporarily from the scandal business? j ; iH