Puck — November 14, 1877 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. Fair spirit of air, O tell me where And what thy treasured Lares; O child of light, thou mystic sprite, What, too, are thy Penates? The zephyr sighed, and loath replied: Our Lares and Penates are potates and to- mates. —IJnd. Journal, A SENSATIONAL telegram is said to have been received from Santo Domingo saying that the ashes of Christopher Columbus have been discovered there.—£x. Pshaw! You will find the ashes where they put the Colon. N. B.— Colon is Spanish for Columbus.— Boston Com, Bulletin, “ Miss Mutton," says the San José Mercury, in a studied theatrical notice, ‘‘as the governess of her own children, in the family of her own husband (and his second wife), is a constant struggle between maternal solicitude on one hand and a desire to yank the second wife baldheaded on the other."—Rochester Demo- erat, WE gladly welcome to our exchange table once more the long absent but familiar face of that spicy and newsy sheet, the Congressional Globe. The Globe is the official organ of the American Paragraphers’ Association, and its columns are replete with expensive nonsense. —- Burlington Hawkeye. A Cincinnati business man was chiding one of his traveling agents on account of his dissi- pated habits.“ You could get along with one- half of what you drink,” said the man, ‘1 know it,” said the man, ‘but who'n the old Harry 's going to drink the other half?”— Cincinnati Saturday Night. Wuen a new girl enters the Freshman class at Wellesley College, Mass., the others kiss her all around, and give her a bouquet, and that is the way they haze her.—Detroit Free Press. If she haze no objection its probably all right, but it seems a little superfluous to kiss her ‘all around.”— Oil City Derrick. Tue leaves are turning slowly yellow; their summer hue is hence; the ripening fruit is on the mellow; the small boy on the fence. He looks around, he views the ground, and thinks the moment suits; he fills his pockets full and round, then jumps the fence and scoots.—Bu- colic Ex.—discovered by Phila, Bulletin, A CORRESPONDENT writes: ‘‘Do you think it is wicked to smoke?” Oh, dreadfully, aw- fully, sinfully wicked. Send your cigars to this office and let us burn them up for you, while you swear off and reform before it is too late. It is already too late for us. We went to swear off last week, but the office was closed and the man had gone to a picnic.—Burlington Hawk- ge. Woman has achieved an entrance into many of the professions and fields once the exclusive provinces of man, and she may in time even get the ballot, but one hazards nothing in the prediction that woman will never be able to throw a stone at an exotic chicken without ex- citing awe and consternat‘on in the beholder. —Catskill Recorder. A certain London church crganist always plays his sweetest music when una: the influ- ence of a strong opiate. He must n vea pre- ference for the chloral service.—/V. }. Comm. Adv. He is said to have composed a Ze Lum Laudanum that put the whole congregation .o sleep. Ar the recent baby show in Boston, the nearest approach to the line between babyhood and nothingness was exemplified in an infant which weighed only a pound and a-half. This infantile prodigy was exhibited by a South Ac- ton mother, and when it squalls she has to spank it with a tack-hammer.— Worcester Press. THE ers of a western lottery invite us to advertise their business, taking our pay in tickets, and insuring us $5,000 and. perhaps $20,000 when the drawing takes place. And yet, such is our devotion to the profession, and our firm, invincible determination to press for- ward in the path we have chosen, that even this glittering offer fails to move us.— Rockland Courier. “Pa, can't I take lessons on the piano?” asked a young miss, who thought it was about time for her to go out into society. ‘Don't call me pa,” shouted the brusque father, who has just joined the workingman’s party. “Don't call’ me pa,” I say. You'd better be taking music lessons on the washboard!” And then the horny-handed son of toil went out and spent $3 in treating the boys at a political pow- wow.— Camden Post. A CORRESPONDENT writes to ask if, when speaking of having taken supper with a friend, it is proper to refer to it as having ‘‘tead out.” It seems.as though it might be proper, although Webster doesn’t say anything about it. Per- haps, though, Webster never went out to tea, or if he did, perhaps he never told any one of it, because he knew he would have to tell them about. everything he had to eat, if he did. There can be no objections to using the ex- ression that we think of, however, so let's trace it on the pages of memory, and drop it around as occasion requires.— Fulton Times. ‘Tue glories of Indian summer have often been decked with the flowrets of poesy by the long-haired warblers who live on moonshine and spill coffee on their cravats, but do they ever lean up against a tree and think about its giving the mosquito a six weeks’ extension on the debt of nature? —Cincinnati Breakfast Table. We should like a vote of the editors of America—fair and square, without any bull- dozing—as to the relative degrees of their ani- mosity against three classes of correspondents: I. People who punctuate with dashes. II. Peo- le who “quote” every phrase they have ever eard before, including all proper names. ILI. People who underscore all their so-thought strong points. Perhaps there is not much choice between these pests of the press; but a little public abuse of them, occasionally, is soothing to the bilious secretions.— FAi/a. Bulletin, A apy reader writes to the New York Herald for a receipe to remove freckles. A lady in Rome, who has tried the remedy, re- commends the following: Bathe the face lightly with cologne water after tea, and at about ten p.m. brush both cheeks, the forehead and chin with a carefully selected moustache. If this does not remove the freckles, it will, under ordinary circumstances, cause them to be for- gotten.— Rome Sentinel. AMD YET BEING GOLD AS. J WORTHLESS IMITATIONS [, FELISCYMANN & COS, ENGINE ARTICLE PUCK’S Pictorial Department SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. Havinc completed all necessary arrangements, and in compliance with numerous requests, the publishers and proprietors of Puck take pleasure in announcing that they have opened a GENERAL DESIGNING OFFICE, where the services of the best artists in America, including those of the dis- tinguished cartoonist, Mr. JOSEPH KEPPLER, are employed in furnishing all kinds of Illustrations, in the most perfect style, on short notice, and at reason- The able rates, Theatrical Profession will find it to their especial advantage, in arranging for LITHOGRAPHIC PORTRAITS, to apply at this office, where Mr. Joseru Keprrter is in personal charge of the department. Address, Puck Publishing Company, 13 N. WILLIAM ST., NEW YORK. ES