Puck — November 7, 1877 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. A new bracelet has a tiny music-box con- cealed in the clasp. This will assist vain young ladies in “putting on airs.” The Worcester Press says the beauty of such a trinket is that a fellow must have it pretty close to his ear in order to hear it. But who wants a box on the ear?— Nor ristown Herald, Ir was Benjamin Franklin who remarked, “ Avoid all arguments at home.” When Mrs. Franklin asked Benjamin to go out in the yard and split an armful of kindling-wood, instead of entering into a controversy over the subject he would put on his hat and go down-town to see aman, Thousands of husbands of to-day avoid arguments at home by adopting the same method.— Norristown Herald, A Democrat on the corner the other night, said that the South was solid, and went on from a serious view of affairs to say that Southern alligators gobbled up a Republican with great avidity. The radical replied by stating that this was because a Democrat was unfit, morally or physically, for death by mastication. ‘lhere is a lesson in this for sober contemplation, and we think of establishing a Sober Thought Column. Soctat Lire 1n Wisconsin.—They are hav- ing ‘‘ mum sociables” at Waupun, for the ben- efit of the churches. An admission fee is * charged, and after the ladies and gents areall in, they must not speak. When all are seated about the room, the lights are turned out, and when one of the party squeals the lights are lit, and she has to tell what she was squealing about. If she refuses to tell, then she is fined two shillings, which is usually paid by the cuss that sits next to her. It is said to be better than a succotash festival.—Za Crosse Sun. WELCOME, stern winter; come in thy icy mantle clad. We love the winter. There is rest and peace and freedom from apprehension in its frigid reign. Then, when you are invited to a friend's to dinner, to meet a few strangers, he can’t put a red-hot ear of corn twenty-nine inches long on your plate, and leave you to wonder how under the sun you are to eat it.— Hawkeye. Wuen it was announced in Colorado, the morning after the recent election, that female suffrage had been defeated, every married man in the State stood up before his wife and swore an awful oath, as round and strong as a Lim- burger cheese, that he had voted for the amend- ment; but as their protestations and the votes in the affirmative don’t agree, their wives are as yet undecided whether to keep them under the bed a few days longer, or bring ‘em out and contest the election.— Brookville Jeffer- sonian, ‘Tue Indiana papers are making a great fuss about a man in Valparaiso who recently picked up a horse and carried it across thestreet. The Burlington Hawéeye rather scoffs at the idea. “Tt is easy enough,” it says, “to pick up a horse if you know how. The best way is to let the lines get under his tail, and then lift. And it will surprise you to see how easily you can raise the horse clear over the dashboard and into your lap.— Boston Globe. Down at San Diego, when the heathen or the stranger utters treason against the climate, the populace turn out en masse, and, from a lofty sense of duty, gently, firmly, dispassion- ately—yea, even kindly—take bodily sion of the offender, and, lashing a Texas Pa- cific railroad car about his neck, consign him to the bottom of the great deep—drown him in San Diego Bay. ‘The waters of the harbor close in above the unfortunate’s corpus, and the commerce of the world continues to sail majestically over the spot, all unconscious of the sublime tragedy enacted there.—Santa Barbara Press, PHotocraPHER—“ Now, sir, if you'll look a little, less as though you had a bill to meet, a little more as though you'd been left a legacy, you'll get a picture.” — Zattle. Tue Montreal Witness says that a physician in that city is restoring the faculties of an idi- otic child by lifting depressed portions of its skull. Now is the time for the Republican party to erect a derrick with grappling-irons over the head 6f Stanley Matthews.— Worcestee Press. Our readers have doubtless read of the mys- terious circumstances of a Pittsburgh lawyer having been drugged and sent to New Orleans. And if their hearts go not out to New Orleans, in this its great affliction, they never transacted any business with a Pittsburgh lawyer.—Oi/ City Derrick. Tue following colloquy took place in a bar- bershop not more than a thousand miles from the corner of Clark and Washington Streets a day or two ago: Bulldozing barber— Have your hair cut to-day, sir?” Customer—‘‘ No, sir.” B. B. (while fumbling among the locks) —' Very long, very straggling, sir; comes clear down to you coat-collar.” C.—‘ All right; I'll have the collar moved down.” End of the colloquy.— Chicago Times. Morcan, of Nineteenth Street, was quarrel- ing with his wife yesterday morning, and threatening to let her hit him with a press- board, and then jump in and lick all her family traits out of her, when his mother-in-law quietly walked in and laid her hands on him, but not in the way of kindness. And as he looked around he said, ‘Foreclosed by a second mortgage.”"— New York Herald. You may talk as much as you please about man being able to accomplish anything he under- takes if he sets about it in earnest—we demur. When it comes to scratching the back dead square between the shoulders, a fat man has to let out the job. He may pierce the ocean wave with the lightning’s flash, make fraud an honored profession, get up a telephone that will carry Russian names without bending the wire, but he comes to an impassable stone fence sometimes.— Cincinnati Breakfast Table. ‘THEY were what the world calls “‘ engaged,” and they were going to visit some of her rela- tives thirty miles distant. Two railroads ran to the home of the latter, and the lovers were un- decided which to take. “There is a long, dark tunnel on the Q— road, isn’t there?” she innocently asked. He said there was. “And none on the B— line?” she further inquired. He said there was not. “Then let’s go by the way of the Q— road,” she softly murmured. And they went.—Norristown Herald. AMD YET BEING BOLD AS COMPRESSED YEASY PeSRED, Lee ESgeirr puiscrmanra cos Can O ARTE |e ree ree es PUCK’S Pictorial Department SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT. Havinc completed all necessary arrangements, and in compliance with numerous requests, the publishers and proprietors of Puck take pleasure in announcing that they have opened a GENERAL DESIGNING OFFICE, where the services of the best artists in America, including those of the dis- tinguished cartoonist, Mr. JOSEPH KEPPLER, are employed in furnishing all kinds of Illustrations, in the most perfect style, on short notice, and at reason- able rates, The Theatrical Profession will find it to their especial advantage, in arranging for LITHOGRAPHIC PORTRAITS, to apply at this office, where Mr. Josep Keppter is in personal charge of the department. Address, Puck Publishing Company, 13 N. WILLIAM ST., NEW YORK, = i COMLEDOOKS. (clo)