Puck — October 24, 1877 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Puck's aint A sare burglary—when the robbers escape. —Camden Post. “ Beauty unadorned is most adorned.” Here, take our clothes, somebody. We don’t need "em.— Hawkeye. A Man who goes to the seashore now for + rheumatism stands a good chance of getting it. —New Orleans Picayune. Ir you plant onions and mark the place with astick, do not expect a crop ofstake and onions, —Boston Commercial’s Agricultural Editor, Ir is not the youth with the most brains, but the one that knows of the most ash barrels who is popular on election night.—Zaston Free Press. Wuewn those Long Island huntsmen get the foxes in their vicinity exterminated, Fall River should invite them to that city to clean out the skunks.— Boston Post. WE hope the new editor of the Philadelphia Press will be promoted at once. He’s only a captain now, while all the other editors in the city are colonels.— Boston Post. Tuere is any number of chaps going about town talking loudly of supporting this or that candidate who have never yet been able to support themselves.— Newark Call. Tue New York Commercidf publishes a poem entitled, “The Mosquito (after William Cullen Bryant).” It does not state whether the vener- able poet escaped.— Worcester Fress. A Wuitenatt disciple of Isaak Walton arose before daylight yesterday morning and secured an early bird, so that it will catch worms for him to go fishing with.— Whitehall Times. Some Indians use scalping knives of tortoise- shell, probably on account of the old fable in which the tortoise was alleged to have got away with the hare.—es Percean Paragrapher, Founp on Boston Common—A small piece of elastic about ten inches in length with mono- gram buckle. The owner can have it by call- ing and proving her property.— Boston Post, GenTLeMen’s hats, that last year brought $3 apiece, can now be purchased for $1.50; whereas it still costs a woman from $15 to $50 to go comparatively bareheaded.—Andrews’ Bazar. Kinc Katakava practices on musical instru- ments and is a freethinker. It must be great comfort to an amateur musician to be able to disbelieve in the existence of a hell.— Worces- ter Press. Asove the roar of political strife may be heard the voice of woman inquiring if all the geraniums in the iront yard have been covered with papers to protect them from the frost.— Rome Sentinel. Women have been known to remove their jewelry under the excitement of a camp-meeting sermon on charity and humbleness, but no one ever saw them throw away a real hair switch.— Detroit Free Press. Georcia negro-preacher to his flock: “We have a collection to make this morning, and, tor the glory of heaven, whichever of you stole Mr. Smith’s sheep, don’t put anything on the plate.— Unidentified Ex. PUCK. Sotomon’s temple stood four hundred and twenty-four years, but it is hard to make our children believe in the glory of a structure that didn’t have a single cellar-door to slide down on.— Bridgeport Standard. Arcus Dean, of Jefferson county, Ky., has 12,000 crab-apple trees laden with fruit, all of which he intends to bring to the cider mill. Champagne will be plentiful in Louisville next winter.— Baltimore Gazelle. Now go forth in these beautiful, hazy, drowsy days, and commune with Nature and pick “three-leafed ivy” for woodbine, and wear your head in a bag of sour bread and milk for a month.— Graphic. ALEXANDER H. STEPHENS is enjoying better health. He is now so fully materialized that he don’t have to spread a newspaper on a cane seat chair to keep from falling through the meshes.—Liaston Free Press. Kissinc is said to be possible by telephone. We have not the slightest interest in this ridi- culous matter. If the lady doesn’t care enough about it to come nearer than that, she must re- main sick.— Rochester Democrat. “Ts that a sexton?” inquired a lady as she passed a solemn-visaged individual, dressed in deep black. ‘ No,” replied her husband, “he is the paragrapher—the ‘funny man’ of the Weekly Triphammer.’—Dexter Smiths. “ ARISIOTLE,” said a gamester, “was no better than a thief.” This remark was made just after Aristotle had gone down from Athens to Corinthus and got picked up bad by a monte man from ‘Thessalia.— Breakfast Table. An old bachelor having been laughed at by a party of pretty girls, told them: “You are small potatoes!”—“We may be small potatoes,” said one of them, ‘but we are sweet ones.” — ‘Sentimental but Unidentigied Faragrapher. A CHILD was recently born in Parke county, Ind., with its arms and hands turned backward. Its parents were in despair until they reflected that the youngster would make a good custom house inspector.—Jersey City Journal. “Lives of great men (and women) oft re- mind us,” etc. Here were Alexander Hamil- ton and Mary Stewart, at Troy, and Mehemet Ali, at Albany, all incarcerated for drunken- ness the other evening.—/V. Y. Commercial. Tue New York Hera/d inquires: ‘“ What is more beautiful in autumn, on the cold, white beach, than a shell, with its flickering pinks and greens?” We should say a boiled dinner, with its flickering greens and things.— Breakfast Table. A READER writes to say that by abolishing the P. I. column the Hera/d may be saved. We should like to impress it on such minds as this that they should stop reading the P. I, and read the poetry under the head of shipping news. —W. Y. Herald. Tue N.Y. Herald advocates the abolition of promiscuous hand-shaking. If people would stop drinking whisky, they would have stead- ier nerves, and consequently there would be not only less hand-shaking, but less trembling all over.—Norr, Herald, A PASSIONATE and revengeful temper renders a man unfit for advice, deprives him of his reason, robs him of all that is great and noble in his nature, and occasionally sends him home with a black eye when he attempts to try it on a man who won't have it.—Baltimore News. Ir is said that in the classic city of Chicago, when the Thomas orchestra was playing there, a trombone player who was at an outpost for the purpose of playing an echo, was put out of the garden for disturbing the music the moment his time came to play. — Unknown Paragy apher. Grist autumn now with measured tread, And bowed and snow-besprinkled head, Comes on apace. Behold the glowing falling leaves— Behold the garnered golden sheaves— Behold the stripped and ghostly trees! And lo, the cheerful buckwheat cake With lordly grace, Ten thousand ailments in its wake— Dyspepsia, boils, and stomach-ache— ‘Takes now its place. —St. Louis Journal, Ara recent sale of short-horn cows in Eng- land one animal brought $22,000. That is a tremendous price, but it has its compensations, To be kicked in the stomach by a cow worth $22,000 must be accompanied by a variety of ennobling sensations. Not every man can af- ford it.—Danbury News. A PARTY were enjoying the evening breeze on board a yacht. “The wind has made my mustache taste like salt,” remarked a young man who had been for some time occupied in biting the hair that fell over his upper lip. “I know it,” innocently said a pretty girl. And she wondered why all her friends laughed.— Un- identified Exchange. “ Simpiicity ” is the title of an association of ladies just formed in Leipsic, the object of which is to promote simplicity in dress, and to make war upon luxury. Each single member received forty-seven proposals of marriage four days after the organization of the association. Fact!—Sanguinary Prevaricator of Norristown. Mr. Bryant, the poet, more than a year ago, was presented with a very handsome vase, cost- ing some ten thousand dollars, Last summer this vase was on exhibition at the Centennial, but having no other use for it this season, it is suspected that, taking advantage of the abun- dant fruit crop, he has filled it with blackberry jam.—Norr. Herald. We nominate J. Billings for the next presi- dent of the Fonetic Spelling Asosiashun.— Philadelphia Press. Gud enuf. Second the moshun.—Grafik, Shell it be bi ballet or akla- mayshun? We prefer the viver-vosy stile.— Noo Yawk Cumershul. We prefer the razin ov hans.-- Yuncurs Gaze’. Awl stan up and sai. Paw Chester Jornal. Chawk thur backs an pare umorf. By awl meens giv us a fare kount. —Katony Rekordur. Nuf ced.— Yonkers Ga- zelle,—O! "L—Pucx. Tue hunting season has opened. When you see a young man pick up a fowling piece and take sight at three hundred and seventeen ob- jects in succession, while he remarks that it is a mighty good gun, about the only course for you to pursue is to fall on your knees, make your will and peace with heaven in the same breath, and wait. You will be the first to dis- cover that the ‘darned thing was loaded.” Turner’ s Falis Reporter. AMD YET BEING SOLD AS COMPRES: sy SED YEA. TOS RAP hoo OSrcpeurprsormunna cos COS inirwe ARTICLE