Puck — September 12, 1877 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK’S | HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. NTN) CHAPTER VIL. How te Revowuriox Kerr on Revo | Inc. — THE BATTLE oF BRANDYWINE. Wasitincto: | TION FOR H: + 1.00Ms uP.—GEN. BURGOYNE 1.00MS DOWN, | —REMARKS BY THE WAY, ‘There was much work to be done by the Patriots. John Bull said that Young America was too fresh, and, in the words of Ecclespeare, spoke: “How much more sharper than a ser- pent’s scales it is to have a toothless child. ‘This is the ungrateful return I get for all my | goodness to these blasted American colonies. I've made all 1 could out of them, and have tried to make more—and now they declare their || independence. ‘This is ‘ard, this is 'ard.” | And then Admiral Howe, the British ‘Tar of | the Royal Horse Marines, asked the declarists of the “when in the course of human events” if they wouldn't kiss and make it up and be | good boys, and take a drink, or, by the piper | that played before Moses, or shiver his timbers, | and swamp his toplights, if there wouldn't be the devil to pay and no pitch hot! Apsirat. Howe on us Dicnity. (Sketched by our Artist on the spot.) But Congress and the Colonies wouldn't scare | worth a potato-bug. If they had, Queen Victoria or the Prince of j Wales might have been reigning in New York, and we should all drink ‘arf-and-'arf and drop our aitches. ‘Tammany and John Kelly might never have existed, and even the boon of John || Morrissey might have heen denied to us. So, | after all, we have something to be thankful for. ‘The Britisher Cornwallis wasn't smart enough | he for George Washington at Princeton—for the boy who couldn't tell a lic outgeneraled him, and then went into winter-quarters—he never liked to do anything by halves. ‘The Marquis de Lafayette was exceedingly anxious to have a statue of himself in Union Square, and he concluded that the most effec- tual plan for the attainment of his object was to fit out a vessel and join the patriot army— which he did. very school-boy, and a good many school- || girls, know with what success. Generat’ Laraverte IN ACTION. (From a Photograph by Sarony.) He was a brave and noble officer, kindling | the Middle and L with action and fire. ‘The British Rooster crowed at Chad's Ford on the Brandywine river, for Washington and his troops had there to turn tail. ‘The name of the river was quite sufficient to put them ina tight place—and showed lamentable want of judgment on the part of George. ‘THe AMERICAN RETREAT FROM BRANDYWINE. (From an Oit-Painting in the possession of the Larl of McGinnis.) Now although it is Centennial time, and the | great American bird of freedom is flapping his | wings with lusty vigor, there's no use dodging the fact that we proud-spirited patriots got pretty well licked just about this time. Asa true patriot, we ought to skip this part; but | History rises in the splendor of ‘Truth, and says, in tones of elegant reproach: “ Nixie, Cully.” However, after the Father of his Country had slid about here and there in a pretty de- moralized sort of way for some time, he got hold of one of the sons of his country—wh: his name was Gates—patted him on the back, and said “Keep your weather-eye on that Britisher, Burgoyne—for Hoboken expects that every man this day will do his duty.” He then stood beer, and Gates, bracing him- self up in a moment of responsive rapture, ex- | claimed: “ Guv—I'm no slouch!” ‘That was all he said. ‘These words will 1 forever in history. He then got his weather-eye hovering over ast Atlantic Coast i with rising barometer, north-cast to winds, cloudy and rainy weather. he opened fire on Burgoyne. Note well the significance of the words: “Gates opened, Ever since then “‘The Gates Ajar” been one of the most popular and” pathet songs ever sung. | Burgoyne, the ish general, who was a | dramatic author in his own country, wanted | | | ‘Then — has ey that song to introduce into a play—he surren- dered 3,500 men to conciliate Gates. bs BurGoyne SURRENDERS TO GATES. (From a drawing by a colonel of the patriotic staff.) Accordingly, Gates covered himself with lasting glory, and Burgoyne went back to Eng- land an altered man. Burgoyne’s play was brought out shortly after, but it was a failure. ‘The song was fairly re- ceived; but his countrymen said he had paid too dearly for his whistle, and hissed the play. , British troops enjoyed themselves. thi ie retired into private life, and wrote articles on The Decline of the Drama” for the Mirth American Keview, ‘This surrender to General Gates took place and we shall take an carly oppor- viewing Judge Hilton on the sub- ‘Then Burgoy at Saratoy: tunity of int jeet. Some historians say that the Grand Union did not accommodate Jews in those days. + We know that it didn't even accommodate Christians. ‘linton, not Henry J. of ‘Tammany noto- riety, but Burgoyne’s pal—had taken an excur- sion ticket by the Daniel Drew, up the Hudson —when a newsboy sung out in the dulcet tones peculiar to his race: Eggstry Telergram—fiver clock edishun! For Clinton to draw a two-cent piece from his pistol pocket, to snatch the paper, to de- vour the startling news conveyed in the head lines, and to say “Well, I'll be blowed "—was the work of just two seconds and a half. “ Burgoyne has had to give in”—he groaned, and immediately jumped overboard —swam ashore, took a Hudson River train at Sing Sing—and returned to New York. Philadelphia was a great deal smaller and very much duller than it is now—so how the during the winter of 1778 may be better imagined than described—but we don’t mind telling our readers that the red coats used to amuse them- selves by walking up Walnut strect_ and watch- ing the housemaids slop water over the steps of the red brick houses, and polish the brass door-knobs with chamois leather and bath brick Even this intensely exciting amusement after a time lost its charm and absolutely became monotonous, and had the effect of inducing perfidious Albion to desire peace. Anything rather than the flower of her army should be bored to death by having to remain in Phila- delphia for an indefinite period. ‘The Americans were assisted by the French, and so, to balance things, the British were joined by the Hessians. But this was the saddest thing that could have happened to the Britons Hessians are proverbially id. And to set a lot of blind Hessians fighting could not result in any visible good. ‘The Hessians in their blindness got licking cach other. ‘Two Buxp Hessians na Ficnr, (From an old Print.) ‘This rather cheered the patriots on. ‘They had a pretty rough winter campaign of it; but when summer came with leafy June, George flourished his little hatchet once more, and thought it was about time that he became first in war, as up to the present time he had shown a strong disposition to be last. He followed Clinton from Philadelphia to Monmouth, and battled him there. His rear rank was behind his front rank, and his front rank was in the van, while his right and left flank were respectively on his right and left. He got his troops under perfect control. So rere comicbooks.com