Puck — August 29, 1877 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

vest, and then, hurrah! for dinner; for, al- though cool, I was ravenously hungry. Could I have left my watch and chain in the office ? | It wasn't in my pocket, and yet, I would hav sworn that I looked at the time while on the cars—but still I am forgetful sometimes—the watch must be all right. I reached Cable’s restaurant once more, and | instinctively felt my pocket for my wallet, as I || always do when buying anything. Oh ! horror, it wasn’t there—nor my gold pencil-case nor my keys—nor my allvel, mash bou--a6r my silk handkerchief—nor my favorite ivory pen- knife —nor an envelope containing ten United | States bonds coupons—I'd clipped off that day for a friend—not a solitary red cent left me. What was I todo? Nobody would be. lieve the story that Thad been robbed. Cable's | men laughed at me, and, when I offered to de- posit my coat as security for something to cat, | heartlessly remarked that it was too thin and I | couldn't come that game over them. | Not a soul was to be seen whom I knew, | although the trains were discharging people by | hundreds. ‘I'he conductor asked me what 1 took him for when I entreated to be passed to Prospect Park on his train—and called mea | regular loafing tramp. I swore that I'd send | him a five-dollar bill to-morrow, and gave him iny name, business, and address. Let up on that,” he cruelly said, and turned on his heel. ‘There was no alternative. I must walk, and walk I did. Good-bye, loin-chop! Farewell, sparkling Saumur -—T shall not taste of thee on Coney. | reached Brooklyn. I pawned my vest for a dollar, and arrived at my boarding-house,. more dead than alive. It would have paid me better to have spent a month at Saratoga, than to have taken that unfortunate trip to Coney Island. THE MYSTERY OF ‘THE SEA, (Bouctcaulted from the N.Y. H eee Fines.) sea-sickness has for ages been vainly sought by investigating physicians. ‘Theories without number have been published in medi- cal magazines, but not one of them kas stood the test of careful examination. It has been claimed that sea-sickness is a modern disease, with which the ancients were wholly unac: quainted, and in proof of this we have been referred to the curious fact that when the Romans undertook a naval expedition, they | filled their yalleys with soldiers who straight | Way put to sea and defeated the enemy without the basin, Still the Romans were an excep- tional people, and it is not impossible that the | indomitable courage which forbade the legion- aries to turn their backs to an enemy on land enabled them to keep their stomachs from turn | ing in the presence of a naval foe | Whether sea-sickness is an ancient or modern disease, it is certainly extremely frequent at the present day. One of the most popular explan ations of the disease which have latterly. been made by ingenious physicians is that it is the expression of the mind’s dissatisfaction with an apparent indecent levity on the part of the horizon. A man whose life has been spent on shore is accustomed to find the horizon cun- stantly in the same p! and thus comes to | put complete confidence in itsstability. When, however, he makes his first sea voya and | | the slightest preliminary exercise in the use of | | Presented Miss Bess with a b finds the horizon constantly rising up and then | landsman on his first voyage ; but why should he require his stomach to meddle in the affair? | ing the total abstinence pledge by confirmed Western Democratic statesmen, but the public | has borne the shock without any abdominal convulsions. ‘The truth is, nausea does not or- dinarily follow upon any’ shock to our preju- dices, and we cannot account for sea-sickness | by calling it an involuntary protest against an | apparently intoxicated horizon. Equally untenable is the theory that the mo- tion of a vessel at sea jostles the internal organ of the inexperienced passenger one against an- other until his whole interior is ripe for revolu- tion. Against this theory may be urged the anatomical fact that our interiors are packed | with a nicety unknown to the ablest stevedore. A simple experiment will prove the truth of this assertion. Let any man unpack himself by re- | moving a few of his most accessible organs, and he will find that not even with the aid of an able physician can he repack them in the same space which they originally occupi ‘The closer this theory is examined the able does it appear. Were it true, s could readily be prevented by drinking suffi cient water to fill up all the interstices of the body, so that no organ could get adrift and in- fringe upon its neighbor. ‘That this remedy | has never been of the slightest use is proof that | it is based upon a mistaken diagnosis, | ‘The cause and nature of sea-sickness may, then, be set down as one of the inscrutable | steries of Nature. ‘There is a bare possi- bility, which appears to have occurred to but few writers, that it is a malady created solely for the purpose of bafiling the skill of physi- | cians, and thus putting some slight check on the inordinate vanity of the medical profession, But whatever be the dire element of mischief at the bottom or the internal turbulency that makes life a burden to the inexperienced trav- cler by sea, one thing is certain—that on all well-regulated steamships an apartment is pro- time: “Miss Beggs is a perjured vixen, a witch, and an outrageous flirt !” | Instances have been known of the public sign- | Now thoughts of revenge through her feelings ran, When she saw what he'd done, that terrible man. And she went into court! determined to fight | The fiend who had shown diabolic delight In killing the gift that her true lover gave! So she sued him for damages, fearless and brave For the loss of the dog—and that frightful abuse ‘Phat he with his tongue had so wildly let loos And if you have dollars, you safely can bet Miss Beggs’ tender Alice will certainly get He quails not, nor trembles! For know that his plan is, ge for his counsel the staunch Count Joannes. ‘To ‘eng: And so the battle will go on, and maybe | Miss Beggs will get damages and comfort finally from the loss of the dog, and maybe she won't. At all events the poor man has lost all—all— all!—from her sweet affections down to Ais Shanghai! But though she loved him not as she used ter— He oughtn’t ter, oughtn’t her have so traduced her. He was really not worth it rooster! that miserable Rosenretp-Buns TELEPHONOGRAMS. THE WAR, ER. LATEST FROM SEAT OF PUCK’S SPECIAL ARTIST-CORRFSPONDENT, ANYWHERE IN BULGARIA, ‘The Sultan has ordered the promulgation of a new article of faith. It is no longer, ‘There is but one God, and Mahomet is his prophet,” but, “ There is but one Providence (Tool Com- pany), and dollars are its profit "—out of the FROM vided where the brandy cocktail and the gin APAHE cause of that distressing disease called | sling reign supreme, and shed their affluent | es benediction over the miseries of nauseated hn- | manity. A BALLAD OF BROOKLYN. OME hither, my children, and sit you down And list to a ballad of Brooklyn town: U, Muse erotic, get up on your legs, And tell how Huntington wooed Miss Beggs. And tell how Miss Beggs, O story of woe, Declined to accept Mr. H. as her beau. Wounded with grief and mortification, Mr. Huntington forswore the society ofsweet woman and got to keeping poultry in his back-yard, while Miss Neggs kept company with another man, ‘The lover who thus did her sweet heart usurp uutiful purp, Huntington over the back fence looked — Insult ne'er had his spirit brooked, Nor yet had his matchless courage fail— When that rival’s dog wagyed his fated tail, Yet a shade of sadness was in his glance d giv'n her a dog if I'd had the chane ” Huntington, affected almost to tears by ten- der reminiscences, turned naturally to his poul- try for consolation, In his Shanghais he found solace, in his pullets, peace. But, going one morning to the coop, what was his horror and falling back again, as if it no longer knew its | astonishment to find that his fivorite, his pride, | own mind, he is so startled and shocked that | his delight, his big Cochin © iina Rooster was he immediately expresses over the side of the | dead. ‘Turning, he recogu.ed in the mur- ship his conviction that something is wrong, Now, it is very true that the apparent instability | ful air, + | of the horizon may seem undesirable to a | volver and—slew him; remarking at the same | agree to it. derer, slinking off with downcast and remorse- Miss Beygs’s Purp! He drew his re | ‘Turkish arms contract. Advices from the ‘Turkish head-and-tail- | quarters at St. Petersburgh, dated 4th July, 1776, assert that the Nez Perces, under General | Howard and Gail Hamilton, have advanced on the village of Waterloo situated in the left-hand corner of the White Mountains, near the Astor House. ‘The time-keeper on the Eighth Av. road reports that the fight between the Russian satellites of Mars and the democratic fossils in the Eocene formation, is progressing as well as can be expected, It is not true that Suleiman Pasha bought a new pair of suspenders with a bad fifty-cent piece, nor that he has a corn on his right little toe. Correspondents circulating such reports are to be forthwith bowstrun, areskdjumasharanzio has fallen into the hands of the Russian Bashi-Bazouks, and the | Bazareskdjumasharanzioans don’t feel good for | @cent. Now the Russians say, that only on certain conditions is entrance to and anchoring in the beds of the Bug and the Dn‘eper river ports allowed. In certain circles this is considered rather discriminating in favor of the bug, which, both as Bug and Nipper, enters and anchors in my blankets and bed without any conditions atall, At the request of the Heradd, and with the consent of both belligerents, the seat,of war is to be removed to New York, to give the Herald | an opportunity of correcting its war maps. The | editor will no longer lay out plans for the cam- paigns, and give advice, uuless this is done. So, of course, there was no alternative but to | | comicbooks.com