Puck — August 15, 1877 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

"He uncertainty as to the whereabouts General Pearson has given rise to the suspicion that he has become an Ohl Whig.— Worcester Press, ‘Tue invention of another new patent safety car-coupler has caused. another advance in the insurance risks of brakemen.— Burlington Hawkeye. ‘Twenty-Five thousand watermelons arrived in Boston on Monday, Comment is not so | necessary as a little tincture of rhubarb.— Lowell Courier, “Rome has only one man proud enough to pay a boy 15 cents to carry home 10 cents’ worth of crackers for him.” ‘his is the proud boast of the Sentinel. ‘Te Chicago riots have been suppressed, but a more fearful terror now confronts the people of that ill-fated city. A Chicago man is fitting up a fiddle to run by steam,—Norristown Herald. ‘THe European war has increased the circu- lation of the London papers from twenty to fifty thousand each, Again we repeat, on to Mexico!— Kentucky New Era, ‘Tue Burlington /awkeye reports the arrest of a man named Rudolph Khanew for whipping his wife, and adds that he probably thought a man had a right to paddle his own Khanen | it ‘Tne Democratic press is loud in its praise of Governor Robinson for his action during the | strike; but it pains us to see that it doesn’t call | him a'secdnd Jackson.— Xochester Democrat. Tr ‘as one business not disturbed by the | railroad riots. Banks continued to fail, and | life insurance companies kept bursting, just the | same as in times of peace.—Norristown Herald, “A Sunday-school boy of thi the Rome Sentinel, “says if he ha he would have got a palm-leaf fan, and worried along without any fig-leaf, ‘Tue: English newspapers place General next to George Washington among the Presi- dents of thts republic.” ‘They also. place New York city next to the Gulf of Mexico. - cester Press. «din court, Who was. business in’ Hornellsville ness said, * Donahue.” You don't, eh?! stid the severe lawyer. “Well, I'll see if 1 can’t refresh your my = Kechester Demo- erat, Yer another warning. Joseph Hates, of Ver- mont, fell dead while carrying in an armful of wood. Show this paragraph to your w cut it out and pin it to the woodshed.— nati Saturday Night. Moruers-iN-Law are queer creatures. One atin Ohio caught her son-in-law hanging on | a limb the other day and cut him down instanter. | She hadn't got through with him.— Z.xehange- | that-stole-vur-paragraphs. j Ir is said fifteen thousand dollars in gold | will now buy an American lady a decent out- fit to be married in, ‘he price has come down | considerably since we, 18— But never mind.— Norristown Herald, | “A seRVANT-GIRL in Boston gave a religious- | book agent a five-dollar bill to change,” says the | Rochester Democrat, and the Democrat appears | to think it necessary to add something more in | order to turn out a first-class joke. | At the ‘Tompkin's Square gathering: Fins | Participant—‘ Hurrah for the Commune!” Second Participant -“* And what is the Com- | mune?” First Participant—“ ‘The Commune is—the Commune. Hurrah for the Commune!” | Second Participant—“Hurrah for the Com- - World. PUCK. ‘Tur strike on James street yesterday morning was promptly quelled. ‘I'he old lady marched upon the scene with a broom, and the boy took the saw and returned to work on the woou-pile at old rates.— ome Sentinel, “ Srraws,” says Dryden, “may be made the instruments of human happiness And they may also be made the instruments of human misery —as, for instance, when they are split and don't draw.— IVorcester Press. ‘Tur. indications are now that next year's Lent will have to be postponed. ‘here is a fall- ing off of 70 percent. in the catch of mackerel so far this season, and the codfish crop i reported short.— Norristown Herald. Poor people will be gratified to learn that quails are liable to cause inflammation of the bowels to those who cat them, ‘Toast on which quails have stood should not be left where children can get hold of it.-- Dandury News, Ir didn’t suffice for Mr. Johnson to remark at 4 o'clock the other morning, after stumbling up to Mrs. Johnson and bed, ‘ ildn’t be helped. It was the strike. I'm one o’ the delayed males."—Kochester Demo- erat. We shouldn't L try debating so a bit surprised if some coun- ty were to seize hold of the ‘see, m’ dear, | labor problem and settle the question before | Congress gets a chance to wrestle with it.- Norristown Herald. Rome is too high-toned to have June-bugs and such plebeian annoyances, but it sports a little private insect of its own, yelept the “punkey,” which is described by the Sentined “smaller than the mosquito, but more ambi- tious.” Cc ARLE Ross, in the depth of his labyrinth, | never felt so irrevocably lost as does the young man who for the first time crawls in behind the deep recesses of one of our fashionable rourback collars and steps out into society.— Kechville wate. “Pata poor man, and my father was a cooper,” said an opponent of ‘Tom Marshall upon one oceasion, ‘Doubtless his father was a cooper,” replied ‘Nom, but he put a mighty poor head to one of his whisky. barrels.”— LY. Tribune, ‘Tne uproar of the whangdoodle that mourn- eth for her first-born is as soft and low as the voice of love, compared to the wail of the countryman when he taketh a little stock in the yame adjacent to the circus tent and loseth,— Oil Cite Derrick. $600,000,000 are annually spent in the United States for drink. How many delinquent news- paper subscriptions does this sum-contain? It heartless to spend in the maddening cup what you owe the printer, He may be thirsty himself, | corder. — Catskill Ke A_ FEMALE infant, having no mouth, was re- cently born in New Yor Should the child grow to woman's estate, she would have no dif- ficulty in catching a husband, but how would she hold two dozen hair-pins while putting up her back-hair?— Norristown Herald, A HACKENSACK man was, last midnight, creeping softly along the bedroom floor on his hands and knees, and was feeling tenderly under the bureau for a something he had hid- den there the evening before; but his wife aweke and said, ‘Peter, what under the heavens are you doing?” “Dear,” said he, “I'm walking in my sleep and dreaming that I'm plucking water-lilies from the soft, blue bosom of the lake." How to get that flask out of there before she got up in the morning was what | the First and Se | peck of cucumbers, place of summer resort. ‘Tne sheriff says he only had fifty men on duty for a fe hts; but a careful canvass shows that the umber of men who went home long after midnight, and explained to their wives that they had been acting as special police, is about seven hundred and_ fifty.— Norristown Herald, A Rome doctor asked a bachelor drygoods clerk if his health continued good during the heated term, and the clerk replied: ‘Scalp of Mohammed! you don’t expect a fellow to get up any gilt-edged cholera or anything on boarding. house toast and fried liver, do you?” ‘The benevolent doctor sent the destitute clerk a vome Sentinel, A FELLOW can't most always sometimes tell, and he ought, therefore, to be very, very care: ful. As for instance: You don’t know whether the woman standing in the bay window four squares away is shaking her handkerchief at you, or only whipping to death the poor mis- guided fly that dropped in to buzz a bit upon her window-pane.— Oi? City Derrick. Ex-Goverxor ‘Ti.pen philosophically re- marks: “ When I sce a weak, puny man trund- ling along on a hot Sunday afternoon with an infant in each arm, a baby-carriage hitched to his coat-tails, followed b wart wor with a look of sullen resolution in her face a tyrannical swagger in her walk, I feel there are worser ties than getting cuchred out of the presidency."—A. Y. Weekh Boston captures its dogs in a very philo- sophical and scientific manner. ‘The dog- catcher neither lassos, grabs, nor forcibly assaults his canine. He reasons with him, ‘eas him passages from Emerson and Malthus, and the dog quietly lays down his tail and goes along. In Chicago we do it in a different, but quite as effective way; we hit him over the head witha club, and if that don’t answer we summon, pnd regiments. — /nler- Ocean, ric Connecticut young man wrote, a great shade of sorrow near my heart,” then took his dose of laudanum and laid himself out. ‘The physicians found that most everything responded to the call of the stomach-pumps, from that vicinity, and perhaps when he gets well enough he will tell them which is beef, and which is potatoes, and which is sorroy Fulton Times. AN ex-member of the ‘Texas Legislature was in the British House of Commons, on Wednes- day, an attentive listener to the exciting debate; and when Sir Patrick O'Brien intimated that Mr. Gray was a“ humbug” anc fool,” he was affected to tears. He said he was 1 minded of his own dear native State, and he could hardly resist the temptation of seizing an inkstand and hurling it at the “member for Kings county." Aorristwen Herald. Norxisrown, Pa., is a peculiarly healthy An invalid afflicted with the worst form of consumption, r cently not only cured by a short stay in Norri town, but left the place a finished parag raphe —Puck. ‘That invalid was a New he came into the //erald office two weeks ago with a hat full of paragraphs which he desired to dispose of at current prices. Forty of the puns were on Nicsic, twenty-two on Kars, seventeen on the Balkan range, and eleven on Rustchuk. He was a “finished” paragrapher when he left—so completely finished that he | will never trouble a printing-office again.— | Norristown Herald. A weather-vane, weatherless and vaneless, Vithout the four letters pointing each its way; | No eastless cast, nor westless west, nor nothing; worried him more than the water-lilies did.— | MY, Herald. Let us make snowballs in the new-mown hay. —Srdney Lanier, as reported by the NY Herald. comicbooks.com