Puck — July 11, 1877 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. “PUCK”, No. 13 North William Street, New York FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Terms To Susscrinens, ‘One Copy one year, or 52 numbers. Ove Copy, six months, or 26 numbe ‘One Copy for thirteen weeks. Notice to Author: Literary and artistic contributions are solicited. Address all manu- scripts and sketches to Editor “ Puck”, 13 North Wilham St, New Vork. PUCK’S CARTOONS. MILLIONS FOR SHOW—NOTHING FOR CHARITY. Garpen City, Long Island, is henceforth to be famous for its Cathedral, to be erected and endowed by the widow of the great dry-goods man. In olden times, when men’s consciences smote them for evil deeds, if wealthy enough, they built churches to propitiate Providence. Did A. T. Stewart have their example in view when he gave his widow and Hilton discre- tionary power as to the purposes to which the vast wealth should be applied? If so, then Stewart is not the smart man we took him for. America is not the soil whereon ecclesias- ticism ‘can flourish—as in some priest-ridden countries. Our people wish to worship in their own fashion, to whatever denomination they may belong—and churches or cathedrals erect- ed to perpetuate the name and millions of a wholesale and retail dry-goods dealer can only be looked upon as an exotic. So much for the principles. But when Puck comes to examine the stones and other materials of the structure, his opinion is even less favorable. There are sermons in some of those stones, and inscriptions on others, which are unpleasantly suggestive of the character of its founder— De mortuis nil nisi bonum; but Shakspeare says more truly: “The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones.” THE NAUGHTY BOYS. Woopstock, Connecticut, has suddenly achieved an unexpected importance by the political orations of the malcontent Republicans Chamberlain and Blaine. Hayes sits firmly, supported by the rock of the People, while the exploding crackers pass by him as the idle wind, which he respects not. If Chamberlain and Blaine will follow Pucx’s advice—and they couldn’t get better for the money, 10 cents— they’ll just remain quiet until the next Presi- dential election, when either of them may stand a chance of obtaining’a nomination for the chief magistracy. ‘Te charming ingénuc of one of our leading theatres got into a street-car, the other day, with an immoderate quantity of rouge on her velvet cheeks. “She ought to have taken the omnibus,” said Sothern, looking in on her from the front platform. “Why?” asked his companion. “ Because she’s painted for the stage, ut not for the cars.” Twas a restless and feverish slumber, And his were indeed without number, at last, in despair, ey ae up in the air, Crying, “ that confounded cucumber!” THE NEW CHURCH. The rich man’s heritage is given to God: The gold he wrung from other men's distress, Who labored, like dull slaves beneath the rod, To win him wealth of their.own weariness. ‘The tears of women who looked to him for bread, Of ared men he crowded 'from the mart, Are builded into stone. The huckster dead Seems yet to strive with heaven the fame to part. Mcanwhile his soul stands naked stript and bare Where no man takes with him the things of earth; Saving remorse, egret and coil of care As poor and portionless as at his birth. Sad lonely spirit, haven fain to seek, TABLE LOVE. Is ’t ¢here that thou wouid’st turn for shelter? YOUNG lady fell in love with a waiter at a fashionable hotel—an_ exchange Speak! & says—and married him. ‘This is very gratifying as far as it gocs, but the exchange does not give this item the elaboration of de- tail it deserves. Why are we not posted as re- gards the wily waiters -mode of love-making, that proved so eminently successful? _ Oh, there’s no use trying to deceive us; we were there. We watched fim, this humble servant of the napkin, and proud conqueror of the female heart. She was looking through the bill of fare— she wanted maccaroni-soup, and as his head bent low, she whispered in his ear: ‘ Light of my life, my only hope—maccaroni!” And he flew on the wings of love and brought her soup. And he said, when she had finished it: “ Nymph of the golden sunset—saumon a /a tartare or croquettes de poulet—which shall it be?” and she threw her eyes, with their love-light, full upon him, and said pullet, and he poured out a glass of fresh ice-water and several more burning words, and then went for the cro- quettes. And finally, when they had accepted each other: ‘ Ernest, another plate of cream, please—to-night, at half-past seven, I will see y «Will you have the roast rare, or well done? Ishall ask your father’s consent this evening, and then, perhaps— what vegetables will you take?” She took them all. She would have taken more from his hands. ‘Those same hands that wreathed roses for her hair, and could set the table more daintily than any others in the neighborhood, and plant the celery in more becoming attitudes than an ~-~lery had ever been planted at a dinner ta’ ‘The happy day came. V She would. He slipped a . finger, and they were made man a.. further notice. AMATEUR ACTING. WHEN Punch ever does publish a thing that doesn’t put an American to sleep or make ‘im groan in despair, 'e ought to 'ave credit for it; and as ’e ‘as laid 'imself hout on laying hout our hown particular detes- tation, the ‘‘hammachure hactor,” in ’is mild series of ‘Select Committees,” Puck reprints the following without compunction of con- science: Q. I believe your chief employment in life is amateur acting? A. Yes. Iam aclerk in a Government Office, but I devote most of the time not claimed by the Service to learning my various parts. Q..Have you had much experience in ama- teur acting ?’ é ‘A. A great deal. When I was seventeen I Played the First Officer in the Lady of Lyons, and at eighteen doubled Romeo and the Nurse in Romeo and Juliet. Q. What are your favourite parts? A. Daszle in London Assurance, Sir Peter Teasle in The School for Scandal, Tony Lump- din in, She Stoops to Conquer, Mr. Golightly in Lend Me Five Shillings, and Macbeth. Q, What is your idea of acting ? A, To learn my words, and to go to a theatre where the piece’ for which I am cast is being played constantly, with a view to copying every movement of the actor whose part 1 am after- wards to sustain. Q. Do you not think that it would be better to think out your parts for yourself, instead of giving a weak imitation of an old original? A..Certainly not. My First Officer in the Lady of Lyons was nevér a’great success until Thad seen it played by.some one else. Q. What are your objects in acting? * A. First, to show myself in various costumes to my friends and relatives, and, secondly, to benefit some obscure charity. Q. Does the obscure charity benefit very largely by your exertions? , A. Not very frequently. After all expenses have been paid, a five-pound note is rather a handsome average for the surplus. Q. Are you aware that arhateur performances in the country frequently do great injury to professional actors? A. So I have been told. Q. Are you aware that many a provincial manager and his company have been reduced to penury by these entertainments ? A. I believe so. Q. Would you be surprised if a manager were to offer you more than thirty shillings a week to become a member of his company? A. should be very much surprised indeed. @Q. Would you (and I appeal to you as a sensible man) play the part of audience at an amateur performance in which you had no per- sonal interest—I mean no part to play? A. Under no consideration whatever. [Zhe Witness then, withdrew. Puckerings. Tue following remarkable advertisement ap- peared in the Herald: WANTED-RAILROAD TO CINCINNATI; MUST BE cheap. Address JONES, Herald office. Who is Jones?’ Can he be a gigantic capitalist in our midst who has been quietly saving up cnough money to buy a railroad? But what does he mean by cheap—ro cents, to dollars, or 10 billion dollars? There is a jueness about the expression which somewhat akens our confidence in the dona fides of mes. Now, the Erie, New York Central and. + ennsylvania roads all run halfway to Cincinnati; and Vanderbilt and Tom Scott are, no doubt, anxious to sell out, and as for the English stock- holders of Erie, nothing would please them better. Puck moves, and waits for some one to second the motion, that hereafter, in strict conformity to etymological rules, these things be called paragrams, “A Puppinc is boiled, and a pie is baked,” said the Englishman to the Yankee when he called a pie a pudding. “ Get out! "said the Yankee, contemptuously, “a pudding in this country can be baked as well ‘as boiled, and that's where we're ahead of your blasted monarchy.” comicbooks.com