Puck — June 27, 1877 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

6 R . | by her husband and a bulky tome entitled | kicked out into the street with neatness and THE! SECRET: OF "VERSES | rie Mosaic Theory of the Creation Refuted.” dispatch rs retorted the other. 5 pase srurr.”) | The honeymoon was evidently in its last quarter! And for a time the vocal émeute was about Se rat ae eae ek ier | and sprobably; the; husband was’redaced ‘to | ai interesting and edifying as an epistolary dis- "VE gained the conviction by thinking it o'er, | the same financial condition. I judged the | cussion of the Louisiana question by two Ame- "Tis easy to be a great poet; couple were from Boston; and when they called | rican statesman. ‘And the more'I examine and ponder, the more for baked beans for two, my suspicions were | A new schedule of prices, recently adopted, Tam sure of the plan—and I'll show it conht ne: After disposing ot several plates imposes . fine of twsaty fre dellazs on each 5 of this leguminous fruit, to the exclusion of | person who commits suicide jumping over rhe cate ee ba ele © | Reatly’all ‘Other dishes comprised in the menu, | the Falls, Some folks might call thes an im- pa eke ACR Bae ahaa the husband asked his wife if she would have | position, but the Niagara chaps say they only Just measure your diction in rythmical feet, some strawberries and cream for dessert. ‘Ihe | mean business. Aad hia a eofet i ijioe wise ok feasoe-— lady wiped her mouth with her napkin, ad-| And ‘mean business” is a very appropriate Fea pace et ieee des hak justed her glasses on her nose, and nasally re- | name for it. Seed eer oat? plied that she preferred another plate of beans. | A granite monument is to be erected here And Jes wll be, gaily of, treasoe, ‘Another couple—a decidedly mellow pair-- | over the remains of a hackman who fatally Fora rare, thing indeed is a reader discreet, disgusted a few old bachelors and ditto maids | ruptured a blood vessel in a futile attempt to Who, cal Judge, what is\oat or in segson, by eating ice-cream from the same plate. | overcharge a visitor. ‘The granite for the obe- SHIRTS Hears are A Orange blossoms still bloomed in the bride's | lisk was quarried from the dead hackman’s Fe Neat tor ite pee te ada hair, and pearl powder and rouge lingered on | cheek. Yours, CO eli irae her cheeks. She would gaze tenderly into his pind flip jx la seen bere: remardicss of ‘spot, love-lit eyes, and he would look dreamily into ‘Where'er ‘tis"coavenicat to, gle one; her'n. And between each mouthful of cream So long as the sounds be melodiously got, he would say something sweet and soft —espe- Don't ask if your method’s a new orfe. cially soft—and she would playfully tap himon | FITZNOODLE IN NEW YORK. ‘ : the head with her spoon, and softly murmur, And remember this rule—for it safely holds good “Oh, you!” And the most stoical observer of AS « guide in all mode of: proceeding — such doings would be constrained to admit that XIV. Avoid making clear any thought, though you could; | “Love's Young Dream” discounted peaches Tet doubt with each fancy be pleading; and cream after all—and nothing short of For the poet whose verse is the least understood ——| “getting up with the lark,” and going to mar- Varuna lodeoit Is the one who is surest worth reading. ket with a big basket and light pocket-book, . think I shall take Stas Darr. | and paying fifty cents a pound for butter and any more twouble ten cents for liver, could conquer such deep- in twying to com- seated affection and remove the honeymoon’s 4 A wehend Amerwi glamour from the souls of such an (infatuated Ww Peo peculiar 4 ee pair, and throw over their lives a dolman o Y § i ; THE SUMMER RESORTS. | Nera reality and things. ] bela to bev awes r oe gweat Every married man should have a wife—to 8 peligetonngd (oa rT" 2, ; | love him and spend his money, and get up first ie U NIAGARA F : P y, and get up ublicans weal Lee — to make the fires. And every married woman | oon wesolved to make everwything differwent Niacara Fats, June 26, 1877. | should have a husband—a fond heart for whom | fyom what wational fellaws in Gweat Bwitain Dear Puck: she can sit up until midnight, Patiently await’ | and Euwope have pwoved for hundwedsof years, ing his return from the lodge, and listen to his | 19 pe wight—they do, pon my soul; and I HE water-power of these celebrated Falls | frightful swears when his boots won’t come off | think they take a special pwide in having an un- was sold some weeks ago to a Buffalo | the first time. .._ | weasonable wepugnance to English wules about brewer for 875.000. And whatapower | A Niagara fraud wanted to charge me fifty | matters—more so than for Fwench, or Wussian, of water—and brandy—is sold at the hotels | cents to cross.a bridge. I didn’t take any. T| oy Austwian, or Pwussian, or Iwish, or Afwican, during the “season” for a still larger sum! concluded to wait until I returned home, where ! valian, or Bwazilian, or other places The Buffalo man has not yet removed his | 1 can cross and recross a bridge all day for less | that a fellaw weads about in geogwaphy-books, water-power—probably because he hasn't the | Money. It is a man’s imperative duty to econ- | and ‘are witten and pwinted on maps. Now power. omize in these hard times. ; everwy fellaw knows that an omnibus is the Scientists say the Falls are gradually wearing | __ Yesterday one of the hotel servants was ar-| nwoner name for a 'bus, yet Amerwicans call it away—diminishing at the rate of several feet | Tested for stealing seven silver spoons. He] a stage, as if it were an absurd arwangement in a thousand years. This may be so, but I/ said he couldn't tell a lie—his poor dead | for a dwamia. If a fellaw wides in one of these don’t think a person would notice this wearing- brother stole ’em, and he offered to restore five stages—which are horwible wattletwaps of away process, unless his attention was specially | of the spoons if they would let him go, and say | things, and are unpwovided with cads—he has called to it. no more about it. The authorities being Pain- | to dwop his fare in a verwy peculiar glass case, "The man who comes here after an absence of | fully ignorant of modern law, said that while | 22 if hewere posting a letter, and then the dwiz five years cannot discover a particle of change | the terms of the proposed settlement involved | ver clicks something and the coins disappear in the Falls. And after skirmishing with land- | 20 Teflection upon the defendant’s deceased | jn 3 wemarkable manner—just like conjurwing. lords and hackmen for a day or two, he is ex- | Telative, they plainly tended to.more deeply | 45 the dweadful vehicle wobbles about, fellaw tremely fortunate if he can discover any | criminate the culprit himself, and they would | seands a verwy good chance of getting his hat “ change” in his pockets. be compelled, therefore, to commit him to prison | yushed against the woof, and it is quite a we- The tariff of prices is not quite so steep as | in default of bail. ._ | lief to weach one’s journey’s end; and even last year; but you still have to get on the roof| Did you, courteous reader, ever hear an in-| then a fellaw has to gwasp severwal stwaps to of a building to gaze over a week's board-bill. | stance of such ridiculous justice? Not liberate | cet the blasted thing to stop. I forgot to men- The latter is so very high. ‘The hotel proprie- | 4man when he volunteers to restore five-sevenths | tion, that to get change you are obliged to poke tors here would do terrible execution in the | of his plunder on behalf of his dead brother! | 4» your curwency to the dwiver thwough a little Russo-Turkish war—their “charges” are so| Well may we coin a new phrase and ask: | hoje, and then two bells or gongs wing and you fearful. The charge of Tennyson's Light Bri- | “Whither are we drifting?’ i get your money wapped in a little whity-bwown A couple of hackmen quarreled this morn- | enyelope. I shall. never wide or dwive in an gade looks Ese and discouraged when com- . pared with the charges at Niagara Falls. When | ing over an affluent old chap who wished to. Amerwican ‘bus again. I would pwefer the a man is presented with its board-bill, after | hire a hack for two hours. Each Jehu was | Marwowbone stage. several days’ sojourn here, he longs for another clime—a climb out of a fourth-story window, B. Dapp. MORE REPUBLICAN INSTITUTIONS. anxious to relieve the old gent of all his cash,| ‘The wepublican policemen are also a gweat and a most unpleasant discussion ensued. The | annoyance. They all swagger along, and carwy and down the fire-escape at midnight, for in- | vigorous epithets they hurled at each other for | and flourwish awound long sticks like bwown stance, twenty minutes would have done credit to Gen. | bwoom-handles, weady to stwike a fellaw at a B, F. Butler and Hon. Wayne MacVeagh. moment's notice. I am told that this is neces- It is a little too early in the season for a gen- eral hegira hither of city fashionables, and bar-| _ “ Who picked an old lady’s pocket of thirty- | sarwy, as everwy other fellaw is a desperwate bers disguised as Counts and Dukes; but newly- | seven dollars and a-half, as she was getting out | charwacter, or a politician, or an alderman, or married couples are rapidly touring this way. | of a hack?” insinuated one. - a member of Congwess, or some other scoun- Conspicuous at the dinner-table to-day wasa| ‘Who attempted to marry into a family | dwel. The policemen take their pwisoners to young lady wearing eye-glasses and an air of | where he wasn’t wanted, in hopes of inheriting | places called “‘ pwecincts ”—as stations are un- superior intelligence. She was accompanied | the old man’s horse and carriage, and was | known in this benighted countwy. comicbooks.com