Puck — June 27, 1877 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. THE SARATOGA LAMENT. ‘AS he turned me away from these beautiful por- tals ‘That open to pleasures so sweet ? Has he dared to deny me the rights of all mortals In search of a summer-retreat? Most taunting affliction, most cruel of blows— Oh! why was I born with a hook in my nose? My mind is as noble, my heart is as candid, My ways are as proper as his ‘Then why should he do that which never yet man did— My race with impunity quiz? Does he think that, defeated, I'll sink in repose? Oh! why was I born with a hook in my nose? It isn’t in anger I turn from his door-step, But filled with tremendous disdain; For e’en though I could, I should never one more step ‘Take into his paltry domain; Yet, pride that is wounded still smarts in its throes— ‘Oh! why was I born with a hook in my nose? Oh! bosom of Abraham —thou still art Jewish— Don't shield the base wretch when he dies; Revenge comes with years, then mein Hers, 0 sei rulig! He'll meet his reward in the skies; So bear up triumphant "gainst earth's petty woes— Yet, why was I born with a hook in my nose? Sypey Ros! N. Y., June 20th, "77 FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE. Puck has his mission to accomplish, not only in the realms of politics and humor, but in the fashionable world. He is the oracle of society, as well as several other things; and he makes it his duty to take cognizance of all “events in high life” Hereafter, he will from time to time make announcements of engagements, marriages, and other matters of general inter- est. To-day he begins with a few reports of his cousin Cupid’s doings in the matrimonial field; and presents to his readers the following batch of engagements, which, it is scarcely ne- cessary to mention, will be found in no other paper. Watker-Dickinson.—Dr. M. Walker will soon lead to the hymeneal altar Miss Anna Dickinson, a young lady of distinguished attain. ments, and a recent society débutante. AnTHoNY-JoANNeEs.—It isrumored in fashion- able circles that Georgiana, the Countess Joan- nes, has taccepted the hand of Mr. S. B, An- thony, a gentleman well known in the lecture- field, and formerly a partner of J. W. Methuselah in the life-insurance business. . Cronin-Van Cott.—The engagement is an- nounced of Mr. Cronin, the member from O: gon, and Mrs. Van Cott, authoress of “I Fill this Cup.” Dana-Tonrijon.—We hear with pleasure that Mrs. Tomrijon, the charming poetess, has finally consented to smile on the ardent suit of Mr. Chas. A. Dana, one of our rising young journalists. The wedding will eventuate in November, and a magnificent trousseau has been ordered from Paris for the fair bride, who for several years has been noted for the nun- like simplicity of her attire. Tatmace-Ketsey.—Quite a stir has been made among the élite of this city by the news of the engagement of the Rev. T. De Witt Talmage to Miss Lizzie Kelsey. It has been known for a long time that an attachment existed between the parties, but it was believed that the opposition of parents would prevent the match, 4 He had cause to congratulate himself, after- Puckerings. wards, that he /ad worn his last summer's hat when he came down to our office with that joke Tue Jews are fons, to open an opposition | about Nicsics. Now his expenses for repairs hotel. No Gentiles need apply, at least no | will be confined to one new summer suit, an Hilton-Gentiles. Christians will be admitted. | artificial leg and a glass eye. But he will have to get the glass eye made to order, if he wishes to preserve the graceful and characteristic cock Tue Pope has refused to give the Count de Mrs of the original. Chambord any advice.—£ xchange. Brace up, old Count, don’t despair, there’s the Hera/d P. I, man still left to apply to. ‘Tue wretched and selfish fossils who oppose Rapid Transit had a meeting the other night “There are twenty-four daily papers in New York, two | at Chickering Hall. - It was largely composed of which are good."—Zoston Globe. of car-conductors, who applauded every senti- Chorus .of twenty-four New York dailies: | ment to the echo. A car-driver is reported to “Thank you. Which is the other one?” have said, ‘if ever they build an illevated rail- road on Sixth Avenue, it will be underground.” _ Mrs. Cox, of Holderness, New Hampshire, is sccording Pedps eetepe tient ta entnad Parson Murray advises every Adirondack this abnormal and unhealthy precocity that is | $Portsman to take one fly-rod along with the curse of American civilization. bie.’ Now, we are friends of Mr. Bergh, and we . believe in humanity to animals, but this fly-rod Tue Postmaster General refuses to allow | business is cartying things a little too far. sugar and flour to be send by post; and, alas,] We don’t propose to correct the morals of our kind friend in Matanzas, who intended to | Adirondack flies. Modesty in flies is a good mail us a hogshead of molasses in an envelope, | thing, and the lesson cannot be inculcated too is now forced to curb his noble impulse. early. But if any fly up in the Adirondacks comes fooling around us and giving us sass, we shall just light out for him in the good old- fashioned way with the flat of our hand, and we shan't care a cent whether we hit on the spank place or not. ‘THERE was once a rich German banker Who for rooms at Grand Union did hanker; Said the landlord: “No Jews Or Jewy Hebrews I'll allow to come hither to anchor.” Mr. Oprennenster applied fora room at Sara- F toga. The gentlemanly clerk took a bird’s-cye Answeys for the Anrious. view of him and then shook his head and said Judge Hilton wouldn't have him. But I'm a | Roman Gatolic! S’help me!” pleaded Mr. Oppenheimer. b. Your “Hunt of the Hair "is too bald for our columns. Declined with thanks. -—Your MS. returned, with thanks, ‘Tue statistic fiend has been at it again, and] J. Mcl.—We don’t know you personally, consequently he has calculated that if all the stomach-aches | could never have knowingly wronged you. ‘Then tell us peculiar to the season could be drawn out to | what, oh what you think we have ever done that merits full-length, it would be found that the average | such # contribution as the one you have just vent us to h tree, if tackled. sufficiently early in the | fea Fetching vp lucy at ‘the end of your contribu. peach tree, if tackled sufficiently early in the | tion, you say: «"N chuckit.” It is chucked, season, is good for 211 miles 47 feet of agon- ized intestine. wA.—Your humorous poem is indeed a no- ble production; but modeled a shade too much upon ae : the strict Homeric style. Try something better calculated _ Tuis is the time when the fervent young lover | to touch the popular heart, and don’t choose such abstruse rises to the surface and demands of Chas. A. | and seve subjects as « Why Pat Would Not Dana: “If she perceives my adoration, must she | Fatten His Horse. not reciprocate in course of time?” And Chas. | Faxsinc. Do not try to write paragraphs. We ap- A, puts his finger on one side of his nose and | preciate your excellent intentions, ut there is, Fanning, replies: ‘If so be as she do, why then she will; | there és an Unattainable in Art, and that’s just what you're but if so be as she don’t ——’ attempting. Paragraphist nascitur, non fit. It requires the divine afflatus and a lot of other things to make a paragraph. Leave the work to such heaven-inspired geniuses as the Veiled Prophet of Khorassan, who does ‘Tue war-map is doing its bloody. work. The the funny business for PUCK. Sun informs us that “the dreaded phylloxera has appeared in Andalusia, and Malaga and | J. R. C.—Bid your beating heart lie still. We shall be Xeres are in terrible anxiety." But this new | happy to use your poem, but—tell her to lie still again— not immediately, and—once more compel your cardiac crop of names is greatly inferior to the old one. organ to avast heaving—with some slight alterations, Andalusia can’t hold a candle to Erzeroum or | Which, if you are the model of a considerate contributor Kars or Musch. There is backbone to Phyl- | we think you, you will bear with fortitude and r loxera, though, we are compelled to own. It | tion. The Duke of Wellington displayed fortitude cea pe a P| beats Bashi- Zouk all hollow. resignation at the battle of Bunker Hill, and we don’t want to see any effete old foreigner beat Young America “Ox, why was I bom?" said he, why did | "*"AS™ASTINS OS : they yank me by the hair out of eternal noths| ..!sGr you istic neon tren four posm oe Oe ingness into “concrete, existence, ope ihe Deluge has been read with interest. Do you still sur- nement | vive? on account of the weather? What, then, is C.C. R.—We are truly pained to see you, doubtless ‘ —We are truly pain 5 Able problem of hima destiny with which Sci] 5 seang tan, athe vey potaior at twee lane and peal 7 impotently wrestled for so many cen- | fortune, embarking in the Baby business. ‘There are us fiends, wretches lost to all sense of thingumabob, unfor- But she told him, all the same, that there was | tunate creatures like the author of ‘‘Helen’s Babies,” who no base ball for him that afternoon; and if he | do this kind of thing for a ring But judging from the didn’t get the kindling split before his father | stmple you send us, we doubt If it would De wise for you F to enter into competition with more experienced demons. came home, there'd some wrastling that | your poem on ‘Our Baby” has gone to meet the 1795 would make Science open her eyes when she | other contributions to baby-literature received in this struck that wood-s! office since May 1st. comicbooks.com