Puck — June 1877 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

14 PUCK. We don’t know whether the idea originated with ‘the Pioncer Press, or whether that paper borrowed it from some other without credit— but this is the item it recently contained: “THe only equivalent in the Japanese lan- guage for the English word ‘baptism or immer- sion’ is soaking. A ludicrous illustration of its application is the following from the Baptist translation of the Bible into Japanese, which | that good orthodox, the A//iance, says greatly astonished the Japs: ‘‘In those days came John the soaker, preaching the soaking of repent- ance. Repent and be soaked, every one of you.”” Wuart the Worcester Press doesn’t know about the devious ways of the potato-bug isn’t worth knowing; and we fully believe it when it says: ‘‘An ingenious farmer planted a few rows of potatoes zigzag, to bother the bugs. ‘These Tows were just about enough for the cross-eyed bugs, who partook with feelings of profound gratitude.” “Ir is stated that they recognized the long- missing arms of the Venus of Milo by the vac- cination mark near the elbow of her left arm.” So says the Phil, Evening Bulletin, vaccin’ | warm over the subject. We have just perfected an invention whicl will probably relieve us in the future from th: persecution of life-insurance agents and book- canvassers. It is in the nature of a Patent Com-, bination Reflex-action Door-scraper. We faster; it down by the side of the lowest step in front of our house, and wait until a book-canvasser comes along, which one is tolerably certain to do within fifteen or twenty minutes. ‘The can- vasser stops to scrape his boots, while he thinks up some new and vigorous exaggeration with which to impose on us. As his foot touches the iron, two clamps fly over his instep and hold him fast; a steel claw suddenly shoots up his leg and grabs his trowsers; a trap flies open in the pavement, and the victim is hauled into the coal cellar, where we have an infuriated Irishman engaged to mellow him and flatten him out with a scoop-shovel. We allow the Irishman a royalty upon the remains,.and he seems to be animated by an earnest enthusiasm which promises rich results. If the machine works well, we shall either buy a graveyard or found a medical college. In the meantime, persons in want of bodies for dissection or other purposes will please apply. — Evening Bulletin. June 21st will be the hangmdan’s day in Penn sylvania. Eli Perkins is warned to keep out of the State that day.—£vening Chronicle. “Now, Ulysses,” said Mrs. Grant, “I have no objection to your dining with Mrs. Guelph, Arthur Wellesley, or any other respectable peo- ple; but don’t you come kiting home at three o'clock in-the morning and tell me you have «Bin th’ lodge ith Wales.’ It is too thin. Do you hear me?” And the Boston Bulletin goes behind the returns and says: ‘‘It is presumed that the conqueror of Vicksburg did not, as he was busy thinking how they ordered a cocktail in England.” Wuew Suleiman Pasha summons Niksiki to surrender, they will probably respond, ‘ Niksi kumarouse!"— Fat Contributor. ANp now Bob Toombs is preparing another speech, to be delivered this month. Won't somebody strangle him and make his name and residence synonymous?—IWitkesharre Re- cord. Mrs. ALEXANDER Corset, of Vermont, who is eighty-two years old, claims to have read the Bible through eighty times. And the Turner’s Falls Reporter wickedly insinuates that she acts ‘as proxy for the rest of ‘the State, presumably. i Cincinnati Sat. Night: ‘What were you | during the war?” asked Ben, looking steadily at him with one eye and all around him with the other. ‘I was a paymaster,” replied the witness, Said Ben, with a lurking doubt in his voice,* Did you ever pay anything?” | Tuis is the vindictive style in which the St. Louis Journal makes a thrust at a hated rival: “A colored suckling took the third premium at | the Pittsburgh baby show, and it was truly piti- ful to hear. the howlings of the Fos¢ the next day over Grant and ‘Grantism.’”” Mr. Rewey, of the Worcester Press, who ; has devoted a great deal of study to the subject, | winks knowingly, and observes that ‘‘the war | correspondent in Russia finishes his day’s work | by flipping up a cent to see whether he shall close his dispatch with the blowing up of a Turk- ish gunboat or with an intimation that Nicsic will probably be revictualed within forty-eight hours. | | Nicsic wins about seven times in ten.” Cetia THAXTER in her last poem says: “The Sunrise never failed us yet.” ‘The lady is quite | | right, and we confess with shame that on ‘two | or three occasions we have failed the sunrise | —which is the humiliating admission of the Richmond Enguirer. | ee) a ee AE ay ccetfake | adds: Tue Herald P. 1, man, in his most harmless mood, informs us that Prince Bismarck and fam- ily have gone to Kissingen, whereupon the ri- bald paragrapher of the Wilkesbarre Record “In a man and woman who have reached the age of Mr. and Mrs. Bismarck, this action is simply ridiculous. ‘The idea of going to Kissin ’gen by two old parties like these is sickening. The younger Bismarcks may do it, and it would pass for the wild hilarity of youth; but for the old folks to go it+faugh!”, A LITTLE Latin is a dangerous thing for the average humorist, but the Boston Bud/etin makes this desperate struggle: ‘(I hope you won't mention this as coming from me, sir,” remarked a barber, as he imparted a delicious bit of scan- dal to a customer whose chin he was shaving. “Never fear,” said the customer, ‘I shall regard this scrape as perfectly sub-razor.”” Tue Wilkesbarre editor gives a quiet chuckle as he observes: ‘“ We noticed that she was put- ting on more style and getting up on her im- perial dignity the last time she wrote, inclos- ing her subscription for the Record in advance; but we didn’t care to say anything about it until some autograph hunter stole it from our letter file.” Office: Notice.- The Puck Publishing Co. send by mail to any point within the United States a Palmo Sun Shade on receipt of $1.50. comicbooks.com