Puck — May 1877 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LESSONS. IN NATURAL HISTORY. (Continued.) ” Third order —CuiroPrera, Tue Bat. (Vespertilio.) Nobody likes a bat. He isn’t sociable a bit. He frightens pretty girls in the country by climbing in their beck hair, and anybody who would’ do"such an ungentlemanly thing as that ought to be ashamed of himself, Fora long while, naturalists didn’t know whether to call a |. . bat a bird ora beast; but the bat didn’t mind it-a bit, but kept on flying by night just the + same. It Was finally decided to call him a beast. And. that’s'what he ought to be called.” The bat has'a great liking for darkness. He must havea guilty conscience, because he can’t bear to let anybody look at him in the light. Some people think it would make him blush; but we don't believe that he knows how to blush. He has a keen sense of smell; and no doubt, if he could only be interviewed, we should find that he could smell out the movements of the ‘Turks, before the cablegrams tell us the news. He has splendid eyes, too, and a near-sighted bat is a curiosity. He is never knock-kneed, or spavined either, for that matter, although there is such a thing as a horse-shoe bat, who derives his name from the fact that he never wears horse-shoes. In cold weather the bat wraps himself up in his overcoat and hangs himself up on a hook for the winter months, and saves all the expense of food, drinks and cigars for the | balance of the year. It is very economical to be.a bat. Tue Vampme. (Vespertilio, Vampyr.) ‘The Vampire or flying dog is the worst kind ‘of a bat that was ever invented: Helis so much more terrible than a bat, that he ought to be called a batter, He can go the ofdinary bat ten’ batter every time. Oh, he is a frightful thing, and sucks blood for’a living. Just think of its» He goesito people when they are asleep, and the.worst of. it is, insect-powder won't ex- terminate him like some other things that live on’blood. Boucicault’s “‘ Vampire” is the most celebrated of all. The two-legged Vampire lives in Chatham street, and is often called “uncle.” But we wouldn't own such a relative. Fourth order—CARN1voRa. These have four feet, with loose toes, without corns or bunions, . Tue Bear. “( Ursus.) ‘The bear is a very affectionate animal, and is very fond of huggisg.: He isn’t pretty, but he is good.. He is never ferocious, unless.you insult "him, Butche hates to be fooled’ with. We are surprised even that the bear isn’t always mad. We should be, if our name was punned on every day like the bear’s. Not a week passes without hearing some very funny man; who isn’t funny atall, telling you thathecan't bear a bear; or, his bear hasn't got any clothes on, because he is bare, and all that sort of thing; and that’s enough to make any bear mad. When the bear gets old and white, he is taken to the North Pole on expedition and is employed to eat“up old sailors. He is then known as the Potar Bear. (Ursus Maritimus.) He lives only on cold victuals and _ice- cream, and can’t stand warm weather, for which reason he has a decided objection to menageries and zoological gardens. As soon as the mercury rises above zero, the ice melts, and then we get Tue Brown Bear Or Evrore, who knows how to dance, and would prove very valuable at balls and parties where there are *| and she never stops to find dut whether @ wall-flowers. The black American bear is more in our line, and his face differs from his foreign cousin by having a peculiar narrow Yankee out- line, od ra ‘ The bear.lives on/alfsorts of things, and is not much of amepicure, but he has a weakness for honey; we really think a bear would go without a shave or a clean, papér-collar (t has a rule he is a very tidy animal), if he could snatch a mouthful of honey anywhere in the neighbor- hood. He fights the wherever he meets them, and climbs’ trees if he can’t find their sweets any lower down. You wouldn't think a bear could climb a tree, but he can, and if you ever want to ask any conundrums that call for the answer, ‘because neither can climb a tree,” always bring in the elephant, but don’t say anything about a bear, ‘The bear that we are most familiar with abounds in Wall street, and speculates in stocks, He is a very restless animal, and always fighting with another kind of animal, (See Bud/.) The bear's skin is very valuable, and is worn as clothing in Russia; but dealers in bear-skins should never sell the skins before they have killed the bear, This rule is very important. A man is often said to be cross as a bear— though we think that is a libelon the bear; but it’s his wife who generally uses the expression, ‘bear is really cross or-not, but takes it as a matter of cross. zs — *.- (To bé eontiniiéd.) eo -. ENGLAND= has declared -her purpose to stand neutral -in-the= contest =between Russia and ‘Turkey.--If she can’t-stand more, than-that, it's the cheapest treaton record; 3 Aw exchange téllsius that ‘Maude Granger's “perfect arm’ is displayed in 60 different pho- tographs.” We infer from this that Miss Granger conceals an imperfect one, GARDEN FANCIES. oe LD Bacon drives me wild to-day— Confouhd his writing; Til cast these dusty tomes away, And give my heart diviner sway— ‘And more exciting. A breath of roses fills the air— You may believe me; ‘ ‘And I am free to own, I share, ‘This world-wide joy-ef er—I swear My eyes deceive met My Mary, like a dream-of grace, So azure-airy, Stands in the garden, bends her face Among the flowers—I could embrace The little fairy. T'll go and meet her, yes, Pl go And whisper sweetly: «Dear heart, I love thee—yes—-you know— Dear heart, I love theé so—and—so;"— TM ao it neatly. Of course, her dreams ar¢ all of me, Her lord and master; She loves me well and worthily, “« Sweet child, my soul flows down to thee, Each moment faster.” ‘Ah!—there—she sees me—little dear— She's going to—thunder! », ; “Say, John,” she shouts, ‘* these turnips here”— Alas! I dare not give to car ’ My shame and wonder, GEM . = | comicbooks.com