Puck — May 1877 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. Norinco but trials for heresy.. The latest clergymen in hot water are the Rev. Doctors Blauvelt and Miller. They both doubt the existence of the Godhead, according to the orthodox acceptance of the term, and are to suffer for their opinions. It is, however, com- forting to think that if all the ministers are be- | come heretics, we at least have Beecher to fall | back upon. He does believe in Heaven, and expects to go there—if the Lord doesn’t inter- fere. ‘Tne girls in the High School at Lewiston, Maine, were requested by their principal to dress in American prints on araduation day, and the copies of fancy illustrated newspapers that were bought up in consequence were simply startling in number and kinds. Tuis is a very unsettled condition of things. | Here is a Teuton citizen who, on being arrested for drunkenness, has proved that he got intoxi- cated on one glass of lager; while another com- patriot of his has made known to the world that by eating a raw turnip between every thirty-five | beers, that refreshing draught may be quaffed | all night long with impunity. It is before such contradictory mysteries of an unfathomable universe that science herself stands dumb and awestruck. Tue green peach wakes up and scratches its head, turns over, ripest side out, and gets down off the tree to stand sweetly and inno- cently in the path of the little boy whom the gods love. Tuere is a street in Boston that contains thirteen houses, one of which is occupied by an old maid, and the other twelve by widows. We don’t know who the widow's callers are, but we can safely say that none of them ever get into the old maid’s house by mistake. OLEBILLALLEN is above ground again, giving us fog in a thimble. J'AIME LES ‘MILITAIRES. A woman who wears powder on her face, ex- poses her arms and “bangs” her hair, may cer- tainly be said to have a military style about her. SUMMER RESORT JOTTINGS. y (SHE Bostonians will go to Nahant, this | summer, and the bean crop at that place is being cultivated with great assiduity. Cap May has engaged an experienced and skillful bootblack for the entire season, to meet the wishes of those few eccentric Philadelphians who indulge in this aristocratic luxury. RICHFIELD Sprincs has added a new disease to the list of those which can be cured by its sublime water manufactory, and is prepared to receive any number of morbid visitors. Lake Mowawx has been rendered doubly attractive by an extra kind of piety. The hotel- keeper’s hats are two inches broader-brimmed than last season; prayers will be said every ten minutes during the day, and Mr. Francis Mur- phy will be in constant attendance. Tue Green Mountains have been greatly improved since last year; all the modern im- provements have been put in, and a great influx of guests is expected this summer. Mount WasuincTon has been planted with trailing arbutus, beneath whose lofty branches city lovers may coo away the golden hours of June, July, August and possibly September and November. Indeed there would be no objec- tion to this cooing away the golden hours of January, if they want to. THE MEERSCHAUM. UPIHE sallor nay boast of his fre going bark, ‘The soldier his colors may prize, The poet may sing of ‘the heaven-wing’d lark, And the lover, of Annie’s bright eyes; ‘The schoolman may gladden his life with his books, ‘The statesman ambition desire, ‘The maiden may dream of her darling’s good looks, And the matron of costly attire. me the meers —the bonnie brown bowl— With its ruddy cheeks, glowing and ripe, And I'll sing, as the smoke-clouds up heavenwards roll, Of the glorious joys of a pipe! A pipe, boys, a pipe. But gi 4 Like Venus, she sprang from the froth of the sea, Pure and white as your lady-love'’s hand, And they sought the rich amber her husband to be, And they bound them both fast with a band Of glowing white silver, a wedding-ring there ‘That clasps the bright tapering stems, He all golden-clouded, she dainty and fair, Like a queen from the kingdom of gems. ‘Then give me the meerschaum—the bonnie brown bowl— With its ruddy cheeks glowing and ripe, And I'll sing, as the smoke-clouds up heavenwards roll, Of the glorious joys of a pipe! A pipe, boys, a pipe. Should your lover prove false, should your friend prove a foe, And your fortune a castle in Spain; Should your heart be crushed down by its burden of woe And your mind be distracted with pain, Why, light up your pipe, boys, bid sorrow good-bye, See the smoke to the ceiling up-curl, ‘And you'll find, as you follow the wreaths with your eye, ‘The dark clouds of your sadness unfurl. Then give me the meerschaum—the bonnie brown bowl— With its ruddy cheeks glowing and ripe, And I'll sing, as the smoke-clouds up heavenwards roll, * Of the glorious joys of the pipe! A pipe, boys, a pipe. Bernarb Biosny. FOREIGN FUN. vase ae q UCK has once before had occasion to re- mark that the wit of our English cousins is fearful and wonderful in its construc- tion. Beside a London humorous weekly, an undertaker’s congress is a hilarious pic-nic. And for funereal humor, Yorick will take the lead of all the Cockney comics. Punch is mournful, Judy is dyspeptic, and Fun is posi- tively lugubrious. But for out-and-out dismal dreariness, we must accord the palm to Yorick. He may have been, at one time, a fellow of in- finite jest, but since Ham/et dug him up and remarked that he ‘smelt soap, ah!” Yorick has not been as funny as he was. The issue of May 26th is remarkable for its exhibition of positively monumental brass. It has the unspeakable cheek to trot out, by way ofa war-joke, the venerable, hoary-headed, ante- diluvian, prehistoric, post-pliocene ‘‘Boss for us.”” Nor is this all. Not content with this act of unparalleled fiendishness, it placidly ‘remarks that “ the trade of the Prime Minister is that of a cabinet-maker.” Moses, when he was loafing about the court of “Pharaoh, made that joke oneday, and his Egyptian Majesty gave orders to have him taken out and drowned. He said it was a pet joke of his ancestor, Osirtesen I., the first of his line, and he wasn’t going to have his family insulted in that style. But Moses got off by an effectual a: ad hominem; he convicted the king oft having! the day before, done wors#, himself, in cribbing a little witticism of Methuselah’s—namely, this, which Yorick prints in the same column: « Quality of the Temperature at Greenwich Observa- tory.—Mean, When it was found out that Pharaoh had done that thing, he fell greatly in the esteem of his courtiers. But he would have fallen still more, had he said anything like this: “The Ottoman army. is well provided with Krupp guns. So that in crder to prevent coming a cropper, his Majesty the Sultan wisely takes to the Krup-per.” We don’t know that their could be anything worse than that; but, just for fun, Puck will try his hand at this kind of work. ‘The weather is very damp and unpleasant along the Danube, and it is possible the Czar’s artillerymen may |. catch the Krupp. Or again: Won't the introduction of these foreign arms tend to” K’rupp (t) the Ottoman forces? There, that’s the best Puck can do. in: the cemetery-humor line; butif any one wants to see how the bold Briton can shine in his own favorite funny business, let him look at Yorick for May 26th. A QUESTION OF PERSONAL IDENTITY. Ir you were I, and I were you, And you and I some time together Should. meet with some one else who knew Both you and me, I ask you whether He you for me would take or me For you, or for some other man, sir. Would he eye you, or you, i. ¢., Would I, eye? Aye, I want an answer. G.L.C. Answers for the Auvious. Miss M. E.—We scarcely think you were entirely in earnest when you said you inclosed us a contribution to our waste-basket. We are, at this. moment, inclined to look upon it as a piece of delicate satire, as it were— irony, or something of that kind. But our literal-minded sub-editor had no such misgivings. He took your com- munication at its face value, and accepted your poem— for the purpose designated, If you have anything more to send us, you will do well to observe this little peculi- arity of our sub. H. C. D.—If you continue in your happy method of hitting off events of the day, possibly in a few years from now you will be spreading yourself on amusing verses” about the Deluge. “You little know, rash young man, how, many noble minds have exhausted themselves on “ blue glass” before your turn came. EXCHANGES,—PUCK wishes to express his sense of ac- knowledgment to the Danbury News, the Philadelphia Evening Chronicle and the Cincinnati Saturday Night for compliments and kind wishes, which he reciprocates with all his heart. May these, and all other journals like them, live long and prosper. Quincy Taytor.—The American Drama has a fn- ture—a brilliant future—before it. But your time has not come yet, Mr. Taylor. Wait a few years—thirty or forty will do, and then get up another little trifle like The Drawbacks of Progress,” in collaboration with Sardou, or Dion Boucicault, or Geo. Francis Train, aud then send it to us, But make it a tragedy when you try again. That, we should think, would be more in your line. comicbooks.com