Puck — May 1877 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. “PUCK”, No. 13 North William Street, New York. FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. Terms To SUBSCRIBERS. One Copy one year, or s2 numbers. Notice to Authors and Artists. Literary and artistic contributions are solicited. Address all manu- scripts and sketches to mo Editor Puck”, 13 North William St, New York. PUCK’S CARTOONS. AMERICANS’ HOMAGE TO “INFALLI- BILITY.” Puck is nothing if not tolerant, and is a sin- cere lover of both civil and religious liberty. He has no more objection to the Hindoo's sacred regard for Benares than to the Jew’s affection for Jerusalem; he holds the Moham- medan’s interest in Mecca or Medina is entitled to equal respect with the Roman Catholic’s at- tachment to Rome. Carefully analyzed, these sentiments but prove to be means to an end; but how that end is to be gained in the most expeditious manner—if it can be approached at all—is not for Puck to point out. But the spectacle of an American Pilgrimage to Rome is not exhilarating in the third quarter of the nineteenth century, putting all religious doctrine out of the question. Presumably enlightened American citizens, if they have any pride in the government of their native or adopted country, ought to find some better means of showing it than in humbling themselves to the dust and showering good dollars and cents on the feeble old ex-ruler of that corrupt and hap- pily defunct misgovernment, the States of the Church. The money could be applied here to infinitely more worthy purpose. Pius the Ninth, the successor of St, Peter, sits on his throne and smiles affably and complacently on the silly de- legation of irrational zealots, who are welcome only on account of their valuable burdens of “Peter's Pence,” of which he not unwillingly relieves them. Puck can understand Alfonso, of Spain, and MacMahon, of France, lending themselves to this painful demonstration; but for the free citizens of our Republic, who can practice any religion they sce fit, this servile recognition of a purely sectional Italian insti- tution, controlled by an ignorant parcel of voluptuous priests, is as far removed from the true spirit of any Catholic or Protestant Christ- ian faith, as God is from the Devil. THE ADDLED EGG. Farturiunt montes, nascetur ridiculus mus, but in this instance not even a ridiculus mus is brought forth, notwithstanding the apparently praiseworthy efforts of the female poultry Ot- tendorfer and Hewitt to coax life out of the rotten object. Their demoralization is com- ete, although such attempts at Civil Service .eform are commendable enough. But to put their Utopian ideas into any sort of practical shape, having due regard to “party considera- tions,” is quite another matter. Radical change in our State or National Civil Service is well nigh impossible under our system of govern- ment, and especially so while gangs of trading and disreputable politicians continue to ex- ercise so strong and baleful an influence over the Legislatures generally. Dr.-Mary has a German lover, who sings to her: “Du bist wie eine Bloomer." TELEPHONOGRAMS. LATEST FROM THE SEAT OF WAR. FROM ‘ PUCK’S’ SPECIAL ARTIST-CORRESPONDENT. Russo-Turkish Camp. You mustn't bull-doze me because I don’t send any news, when I’m making all I can, and more, too. Indeed I’m the only correspondent whose information is allowed to be forwarded without being subjected to the scrutiny of the authorities. A terrible disaster has overtaken five-fourths of the Turkish Bath Celebrated Boot-blackers’ White-washers’ Brigaded Corps d’Armée. They advanced on Spuyten Duyvil, and when within range of the formidable Krupp guns at the Hong-Kong patent mangle, about one and-a- half Russians surrounded the four thousand Turks, cut five thousand of them into mince- meat—afterwards used for country sausages; the remainder attended the rapid transit meet- ing at Chickering Hall, and the other fellows were unanimously elected ex-Presidents of the United States of America—much to the satis- faction of Dom Pedro’s cousin on the grand- mother’s side. Blackwell’s Island may now be considered “ ars est celare artem,” if not non compos mentis; and the question of revictual- ling Nicsic is certainly an abominable amini- dabic conic section. The inhabitants of the Caucasus are consid- erably exercised at the indictment of Gaff, Fleischman & Co., and don’t think that Henry Bergh has much milk.cow human kindness, . A wide-spread conspiracy has been discovered to remove the Russian Empire to South Africa, notwithstanding the opposition of several prom- inent peanut peddlers in Pittsburgh. Reliable intelligence has just reached me that Constantinople has fallen. Reliabler intelligence confirms the above in every respect, except that Constantinople hasn't fallen. Have just had a champagne cocktail with the Sultan, who can't get over Beecher’s unnatural conduct. Had he not proved a renegade, the Sultan would have turned the Mosque of St. Sophia into a Turkish Plymouth Church, for Beecher’s benefit. Constantinople, like New York, has now to wait for its Fall until September. This premature report arose through Anna Dickinson threatening to spring a mine, and take summary vengeance on Willy Winter. ‘A double Dutch dispatch from Jerusalem and Madagascar, dated 32d Feb., says: “ The Rockaway Saddle-Rocks’ attack’on Gibraltar from the Alleghany Mountainsides has begun. Deacon Richard Smith, with two men and a boy, advanced from the “‘ vexed Bermoothes” up the Central Park Ramble, the object being to reach a base-ball ground in burning Lapland’s golden sands. The Lazzaroni met the attack on the 7ribune’s tall tower. The fight is still being “fit,” and the enemy is getting fits. Something between a million and half-a-dozen were relieved of the trouble of paying board- bills for an indefinite period. Puckerings, A Goop name for a firm of ventilator manufacturers —More, Ayer & Co.—Beston Advertiser. Yes: all drafts on that firm would be promptly honored; they could “raise the wind” whenever they pleased. A Man who took a bath in Saratoga Lake the other day, came out and found that a horse had eaten up his neck-tie. His choler was frightful to contemplate. Tue public dog-killer of Syracuse is named J. Fennimore Cooper. That's a Novel cir- cumstance, certainly. With such a high-priced name, he must prove a ‘dear slayer” for his employers. Ir is now generally conceded by literary an- tiquarians that Charon was the first writer of Across-styx. A SixtH AvENUE baker raced a boy who stole a pie twenty squares the other afternoon, and didn’t catch him after all. It was a clear case of pie-race-y. Mr. Juttan Onion, of London, has 'pealed to Parliament for a change of name.—Com- mercial Advertiser. This has just leeked out. In this season of cholera morbus, the impor- tation of big ‘ripe waternielons may be termed a groan evil. Ir is said. that. the peculiar. green scum of last year has already appeared in the Croton Reservoir; but we take nostoc in this. Ir is just hereabouts that the first pic-nic par- ties go out into the damp woods and get a good square chance of re-assembling on the other side of Jordan. THERE was a New Jersey farmaire, Who cast off his burden of care, He whistled a tune And remarked “ It is June! *Tis the month of the summer bordaire.” “To the prophet I never will truckle,” Said Stillson the brave, with a chuckle, «I'm a correspondent With a test-u-ament, And a bullet-proof swspender buckle.” THERE was once a clerical gent Had the courage to say what he meant, When they said ‘You're heretical:”” He became energetical, And they didn’t feel good, for a cent. comicbooks.com 5