Puck — May 1877 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUCK. 13 Tuere is always one subject near to the heart of the Turner's Falls Reporter humorist, and it sometimes inspires him to such achievements as this: ‘If the editor of a country newspaper could get verbal promises discounted at bank rates, he would be on intimate terms with the whole Rothschild family inside of two days."” And the Brookville Jefersonia nman is like unto him, as witness the following: “The crops throughout the country promise well, including | our crop of delinquent subscribers.” We have received the first nymber of an ex- change called the Laws of Wisconsin. It#col- umns are filled with short stories of the most thrilling and exciting nature. The powerful sketch entitled “An act relating to evidence, and amendatory of sec. 2 of chap. 134 of the general laws of 1858,” so wrought upon our sympathies that it was with difficulty we could be persuaded to lay the paper down and go to nursery department entitled *‘ Chap. 289, or an act to prohibit the employment of children un- der twelve years of age in factories or other workshops,” will long linger in our memory. We look upon the Laws of Wisconsin as one of our brightest and liveliest exchanges, and trust that it may live long and wax fat and kick. —Burlington Hawkeye. | ference. LisTEN to the righteous remonstrance of the | Chicago Zribune: “Men used to be married; now, according to Eastern phraseology, a ‘ mar- riage is accomplished.’ Soon, at this rate of - progress, both marriages and funerals will be perpetrated.” Tuere is one Richmond girl, the Enguirer proudly boasts, who is well up in municipal mat- ters. Promenading Franklin street yesterday, she observed to her companion: “ Yes, Alice, | I'm going to have a new sea-foam silk as soon as pa and ma agree upon an appropriation ordi- | that there isn’t.” Cot. SeLvers has been interviewed by the World, and the Colonel's dog came up in the course of the conversation. He was a very nice animal, “ But,” queried the World's re- porter, ‘why do you call the dog Clytem- | nestra? It seems to me that adifferent name— er—Bob or Jack—something to indicate the sex more correctly, you know.” “ What!" exclaimed the Colonel. “Is it pos- sible that—well, I—Sho!" he continued with dignity, “that doesn’t make a particle of dif- I chose the name, sir, because it was sonorous and classical, and seemed to ine fitting for the animal. I shall not now change it sim- | ply because the dog happens to have a sex that T had not observed.” “Wuen a Long Island woma: the Philadelphia Chronicle, ‘‘is deserted by her husband, she inserts a notice of her death in the < r " | paper, and then lays low and grabs him as he supper; while the tender little story in the | sneaks into the house after his summer-under- shirts.”” “(As a man threads his shins through the maze of: household goods to eat his dinner in the kitchen from an inverted washtub, he is convinced, with the late J. H. Payne, Esq., that ‘there’s no place like home,’ and for the sake of his fellow-man he is devoutly thankful It took the Catskill Recorder to find this out. . Tur Newark Call prophesies, sadly, .““ The shrinkage in the size of the bakers’ loaves will soon make, possibly, a scene like the following: Customer—‘ Give me a pound of those crack- ers, please.’ Baker—‘ Crackers, thunder! them’s loaves, ten cents apiece.’” ‘Tue Worcester Press thoughtfully speculates: “If the Dreaming Iolanthe in butter is kept on | exhibition the rest of the season, it will be what thephrenologists would call an exception- | ally strong head.” | now living Party-feeling runs still high in Rochester Witness this, from the Democrat and Chronicle; “Dr. Henry Parker Blackwell died in Troy on Sunday evening. The Troy Zimes says that he was the youngest of twenty-one children, that he was 107 years old, that his father and mother both died at the age of 117 years, that his grandfather lived to celebrate his 127th birthday, and that one of his brothers, across the seas, is 115 years old. Perhaps these remarkable figures are correct. It_may at least be said that the Troy Zimes is a Republican paper.” Tue Fulton Zimes takes a novel method of getting in a slap at a journalistic nuisance. It quietly observes: “Mrs. Dean, of St. Louis, ae birth to four children one day last week. | If they turn out to be at all attractive we shall | expect to hear that the /ourna/ man has stolen one of them, and is palming it off as his own, That’s a habit he's got into since he has been running a column of original paragraphs.”” Tuey have an anti-treating society in Cin- cinnati, whose principles the Safurday Night briefly explains. Everybody has to anti when he treats, Tue Richmond Z£nguirer has found a young . lady on French Garden Hill, in that city, who is so industrious that when she has nothing else to do she knits her brows. “Tue other day the Newark Aldermen took an excursion to Greenwood Lakg, and at the after-dinner feast of reason, when Congressman Peddie told them that ‘pure water was one of God's best gifts,’ it was fun to see them look at him, and bes at each other's noses, in quiet wonderment.”—Puckx. There is evidently a joke here somewhere, and we suspect it is on our Newark Aldermen.—Mewark Sunday Call. | Impossible! What put such an idea into the | Cal?s head? “Mo, ra x “Aub comicbooks.com