Puck — May 1877 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“PUCK”, No. r3 North William Street, New York FOR SALE BY ALL NEWS DEALERS. -Terms To Suascripers. One Copy one year, or 52 numbers. One Copy, six months, or 26 num! One Copy tor thirteen weeks, Pe Notice to Avthors and Artiste. Literary and artistic contributions are solicited. Address all manu- scripts and sketches to Editor “ Pvcx”, 13 North Wilham St., New York. PUCK’S CARTOONS. SPOILING THEIR LITTLE GAME. Tue radical Republican malcontents led by Blaine and Morton have experienced a terrible disappointment. “Hope deferred maketh the heart sick,” and a sicker lot of fellows never ascended the steps of the Capitol. Loaded to the muzzle with pent-up wrath, outraged in feelings, and like a smothered volcano preparing for eruption to overwhelm Hayes for his cruel and unrepubli- can Southern policy, the injured politicians find themselves completely foiled for the present. Brilliant exordiums and grand perorations must be postponed for the breezy fall season, which will probably cool the ardor of the would-be patriots—while Schurz and Hayes smile sar- donically at their discomfiture. CARNIVAL. In medizval Europe there flourished a charm- ing institution called the Carnival—the farewell to flesh. For the three days immediately pre- ceding Lent, the children of the Catholic Church ate, drank and were merry. Endless processions, glittering in almost barbaric magni- ficence, filled the streets of Rome and the canals of Venice. Every variety of gorgeous pageant that artistic ingenuity could devise, or the lib- erality of the affluent church equip, served to amuse and distract the people about to enter upon the forty days’ term of fasting and prayer, and so, amid the enthusiasm of multitudes, under the fostering smiles of the greatest of re- ligious powers, Europe of the middle ages held high carnival for three days, ere began the stet Lenten fast. 3 This, the most graceful of the traditions of their forefathers has been carefully cherished by the Europeans of to-day; and Uncle Sam— or.at least an individual by the name of “ Rex,” who assumes to represent him—has determined to attempt to transplant it to our uncongenial climate, And what a meretricious, pinchbeck affair appears our anachronistic ‘Carnival,’ as it drags its slow length along under the guidance, not of the old-time ‘Merry Monarch of Mis- tule,” but of the great King Sham! The Smart Yankee has taken the place of the Sunny Italian; sordid self-interest reigns in the stead of the old jovial abandon; and the adver- tising agent controls what was once the special care of fostering Mother Church. We are a great Nation. But Carnivals are not in our line. Now we know why the Post Office roof fell in. It was because “it wasn’t properly sup- ported.” How comforting, to think, in this progressive age, accidents can’t happen without our learning the cause. Aw exchange says, there are 1,404,000 cam- els in the world. Not including the Camp- bells that are coming. TELEPHONOGRAMS. LATEST FROM THE SEAT OF WAR. FROM PUCK S SPECIAL ARTIST-CORRESPONDENT. The Herald to Interfere. _ On the beautiful Danube. Sultan Abdul Hamid has been very insulting in his remarks concerning Puck, and refuses at present to allow me to accompany the army. He thought that portrait of him, as a Bashi- Bazouk, in a recent number, was much too striking. Iexpect, with the aid of Anna Dickin- son and Dr. Mary Walker, to soothe his outraged feelings. Turkish Camp, All right, the Sultan has shaken hands, and I've just given him a chew of tobacco. EXTRA AND EXCLUSIVE AND SPECIAL INTELLI- GENCE. I hasten to inform you that the New York Herald has resolved to interfere in the struggle, and will forthwith send an army and a fleet to aid the Czar. This accounts for the tone of the Hera/d’s editorials. You may rely on the correctness of this news. James Gordon Ben- nett, who is here disguised as a spy, told me so himself, and he ought to know. I won't “give him away.” Nothing would induce me to go back on a newspaper man except money, and the Turkish circulating medium is rather doubtful. ‘The Czar has promised to present the Herald with Asia Minor, on condition of its issuing a copy of the paper containing nothing else but personal intelligence, without any maps. ‘The Russian Fleet remains in New York for the sole purpose of completing the arrangements for this Russo-//era/d triple-sheet alliance. England is quaking in her shoes at the start- ling intelligence, and the Queen has engaged for America, for the purpose of inducing the Hera/d to reconsider its determination. ‘The Herald war preparations, I learn, are still being vigorously pushed forward, Stan- ley’s army of Central Africans is to advance on Egypt. Russell Young is to take command of the steam yachts in each ‘of which two three- hundred-and-fifty ton guns are to be placed. The Russian Minister Shiskin has just tele- graphed to the Czar that Hayes has made an offer of the United States fleet to the Herald to strengthen its squadron. Connery, on behalf of James Gordon Bennett, has rejected it with scorn, on the ground that the ships will only do for firewood, I learn that he has bought two toy vessels at Macy’s on Sixth avenue, and is now in treaty for the Yale and Harvard racin, skiffs, and the boats on the lake in Centr: Park, so that the Hera/d’s naval force will be tremendously strong and amply fitted to cope with the British and Turkish ironclads. Bennett consents to settle the Eastern ques- tion by a game of Polo—he to choose sides. Paurkerings. DODGING THE ISSUE. Wuen William E. Dodge sent in his resigna- ‘tion as a member, because the brethren of the Union League Club would indulge in the fra- grant julep. they assembled and drew up and sang the following dirge, expressive of their feelings: Gentle Dodgey, thou hast left us, Cause we took our little nip; But thou stoodst it twenty summers. Ere thou gavest us the slip. Put away the sinful tipple, Which our William used to sniff, He will smell our breath no longer— He has moseyed in a miff. Gone to meet Neal Dow. A PEDAL PHENOMENON. Tue Sun says, an Englishwoman, who was born without arms, wears her wedding ring on her toe, does all the housework with her feet, and has just had twins. When this Juliet was being courted, her Romeo used to have to say: “*O! would I were a striped stocking on that foot that I might kiss that heel,” and when he asked for her foot in marriage, she gave it right away, put her, ahem—arm round his neck and embraced him tenderly while he “squoze” her toes and sighed as all lovers do. She isa capital hand at making a pudding; and the dexterous manner in which she manipulates—we beg par- don—pedipulates the ingredients, have made her universally beloved. She plays the piano exquisitely, her graceful and correct toeing in- step and ankle movement, and the vigorous action of her great toe, delicate touch of her little toe, and superb execution being pro- nounced by Essipoff as something she'd never seen the like of before. THE NEW LAW IN VIRGINIA. Punch, punch, O Barkeepare, Punch in the presence of the gay drinkare: A one-bell punch for a young loafare; A two-bell punch for a big bummare; A three-bell punch for an old soakare: Punch, brothers, punch with care, Punch for the apparatus-inspectare. Axoruer exchange: There is a paper church actually existing near Berlin, which can con- tain nearly 1,000 persons. Berlin has certainly got ahead of us on churches, but we guess we can knock spots out of her on theatres in the way of paper, Stephen Fiske to the contrary notwithstanding—and they'll hold more than a thousand people, too. ALREADY the old cow of the country farmer feels that this world is hollow, and its joys un- certain, for the old man has begun to dock her feed and thin her down to killing point, for there is a prophecy of summer-boarders in the gentle air of May. comichooks.com