Puck — April 1877 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE MATINEE BELLE. RHE i is unlike apy Voller kind of Belle, and few can‘ hopé to bé like: her: °. Compared with: her, the ‘ordinary. theatre or party Belle is as the sounding brass and tinkling cym- bal. -For the: subject of this article must be prepared to brave that most severe ordeal, ex- posure to alternate sunlight and gaslight—and this too without any possibility of a change in make-up. Fair readers who know how differently they arrange themselves for natural and artificial light will appreciate’ the difficulties that lie in the way of the Matinée Belle. To triumph over these is absolutely necessary, as, after hav- ing captured in’ the theatre some susceptible meets heart, it would never do to disenchant him ‘when he catches sight of his charmer in the lobby. And this capturing of hearts—or what are thought by their owners to be such — is the great, object of the Matinée Belle. ‘To her the theatre is but a means to an end. Not that she would for a moment allow any one of her victims to make her acquaintance. without} the formal ceremony of an introduction, but } the innate cruelty of human nature makes her rejoice to deal death and destruction: around. To managers she is extremely valuable, for she is the Muezzin’s bell. that summons the male. matinée-goer to his devotions... Without her fair presence the weary waste of bonnets would be broken by only.an occasional ‘asthmatic old man. ‘or verdant-arrival from the country. ‘Tt is reported that a certain shrewd manager keeps tee or.three Matinée Belles in:his employ, and, that;when any. of the attractive lady-members of his company are disengaged, he requires them to attend the morning performancés, in certain. dresses which he designates.: Whether, or not pele is true, certain is it that'the Mitinée’ Belle: enerally provided with a’ deceased-cranium tic et, which. is/‘sute. to call’ for /2 good seat. When’ she does spay; however}! cofstetnation reigns in the'box-office: she will keep the line five minutes while’ choosing her séat—she “is a walking diagram of theprincipal theatres—and after having’ got it, her gloves are so: tight that it is a‘tedious operation to‘open her purse. It is reported that a‘certain’‘wéll-known manager, who-stands: by, the side of. the ticket-window, was once so irtitated by the délay that he po- litely offered. to‘open the Belle’s purse for her. He has never tried that. plan-a ‘second time. She cast'at him a glance of ineffable scorn, and from “her beauteously-formed coral lips “was murmured: in a nasal twang, ‘Thanks, J wouldn't care’to trust you with it.” Having passed through the gates, the Belle, oblividus .of the. usher's request for checks, marches .resolutély to:her seat, ‘and haying cast a glance of disdain atthe women who are im- pertinént. enough to occupy ‘places near ‘her; places her lace-handkerchief between her gloves. so that the programme may not soil them, and commences, to. study’ the -dry-goods advertise: ments. * Ifshe have a compapion with her—and she .often brings a plain woman, “as « foil—she next. commences to impart minute ‘but entirely erroneous ‘information about” the’ ptivate lives, of the actors and Actresses who .are to appeat. The only points on which-sheis generally cor- rect are:the addresses of the leading men; -and her ‘walks before and: aftér“the® performance. somehowmanage tarbe pas§ those houses. This. “ much accomplished; attention is next paid tq re markable dresses of head-gear. in the audience are quickly sutveyed, and ‘upon the eligibles the glance is allowed to rest’a’mo- ment. Between the acts, the above programme: | is repeated w of the glance. ‘The Matinée: Belle is a” beautiful butterfly; but even the butterfly has its sorrows, andthe, grief of’ this genus is’ that there is only one Saturday in a week. ‘Them tite men. ith’ slight variations” in-the Aength | LETTERS FROM “pvcK” READERS “FROM GEORGE. ‘All Mister. Editor: of Pucrs Y Se Drother Tomi “takes” Your paper, look at the Picts when he;isn’t = cages et ies se.it. | He says lie’s: in’ to get-it Bound, ani i" ink you make .a ig mist e by hot printi jun. donee sto be Sontinass, tH oot next ‘and Firat storiés are too, and if*you Ran} ar. paper a frames Circoolation you'l better’, Basttoe of them kind o’ stories right away -Allus boys’ will take. it then, and you must change the name of your paper. Call vit jthe “Boys Qwn HGitls don’t read: Rirut and he} eg Hes aabtt call it’ after, Girls, Injun storié:muel Luv and Sooisides and destine? Marriag F and Divorces, ae them ki Girls | is the Weaket Secks andl dowie’ ‘ora ve'strong and healthy, Litératgor- like-Injun Scktan; *My;Aunt! Hanner, who “hast’t-hat-any’ Bore! for ‘more'n tent years, Says your. paper ain't a model ‘family journal, because it don’t “print” Marriagé* and Death ‘notices an’ recéats for Bunyions an?in* flanimitory ‘roomatizm. ; ‘That's what'She’ says, but J; think-if you'd print’a pictute- Of ai man on: 4 ‘horse with Jong ‘hair-and’ fringes oo his legs arid fa long feathet in “his ‘cap: reskooin’ a irl in her night clothes and her hair ‘stréamin! in, thé wild wind, from ‘a Band of Red Stins; which sis the“! ‘English nate. for Tnjuns, : 2on the first. page, Your paper would" je like a B'loon! 4;-mean, it’s circulatun?: (Of 4 ar stand’ that" the man’ tifust .have lot is fringes off his:legs, and not'the Horse. I. pits the Boys’ Young-American (Uruthteller, and thas eight continued stories in it “all: at Oni I'm readin’ ’em all. Sometimes L get ‘Scarred Bill and the Terror bf;'the Stands Roost, Ep the Brave Pirut of the Wabash, and Wild ‘of the Gulch all mixéd up with>the Evil ie fof the Forest and the Free Booterof Flofida’-dnd the“Demon. of the Dykes and Long-legged Luke‘ of the Plajns, and.then I have to‘hunt up last week’s paper afore I can get ‘em all unmixed. pers ough it to print eight continued stories at a time.-" Six is plenty. If you change Puck into the kind of .a paper what I describe, yout for- tune’s made, Give us some good Jojun and Pirut storiesy and some Yarns abéutawful Bad/ béys at school, and Pictures -of “pfil; faces’ and réd’ Skins’ Skeiping one anorher-with’-savage knives and ‘Tommy Hawks, and ‘youcan beron the support and-infl sof your friend. tf, ae ‘Ar Fass tropble“I am‘ in? was_once 2’ poor mian, but by a fortunate-o) eon in army“ blankets “front-show” of “being: well-off, and, outside edge of’gentect SouiGhy Ss £“pitifal :scri od pinching the § Zour backs, managed bi Chigh-tone,in the expectation, at 1 thight-Se- cute‘a wealthy-husbahd:. Bat <6" the’ riety bus- band: has not come, an cpnsequenée of the. hard: timés, "pa finds: it;uttetly,-impossible.to” keep"up the: oldelevated Appeatagce ‘of supe: rior aespectability, he“is'so. deeplyin.debt;.and. asy by. reason of thés¢-intowwar Ciredmstanicés; into*the all-sorts ca a wg display-on- Side show, Would it “be. considered “derogatory-4 - to’high society requirements if owned “that” 1 am’sick of the pitiful Struggle,-and wouldgladly | marry.a clerk on a moderate’ salary. or even a tf Family Tousen) tr sgfnething tat way.. Don't} | shad Neer Haid q T don’t. think boy’s pa- J he gainéd enough money to-Set ip” a’ tolerable |. ‘a, go0d deal of | Ie-restsEnshrined in my/bosom | am unable ‘to keep up “my “own wealttiy outé { Atave tord you'my secret ?“Not so, love! 3. "No trees,” said the lawyer, “leave.” 1: “Who/are you talking to?” asked the agent. z And’ he ASseppessen Lorey sebut 7 respectable mechanic? I wish you would pity me! It is so painful and disheartening to sit starved, hungry, in this make-believe genteel state," with duns constantly pressing for settle- ment of- ind butchers’ ills, wait for a fee husband who don’t ‘come! Whe would-it not be’ better to accept a pets | eniough ability to provide a comfortable home, Lif he isnot rich? Only the worst of it is and this is. what makes me feel so sad and discouraged=I have been educated to such a High SeraniiGaeeht in all the fine lady accompl'sh- ments required to catch a wealthy husband, ae) J, ain't worth an’ old glove for anything ‘Your disconsblate make-believe-to-be-in- higb:society, MINNIE Hey TREES-ON, THERE was a rap on the door of the lawyer's } office, and’ a young: laptts tather spruce in de- Teanor, and: carryin; huge book under his. left ‘arm, Stepped softly in with a smile, and a good diy, sir. ‘The |lawyer’ looked at him, and mentally Wondered whether ‘it was a suit for libel, or a divorce ‘case. 1 Can't: I. sell: you some. trees, to-day, sir?” said. the new-comer. ‘‘1 understand you've just bought ‘a place’ dut in the suburbs. Let me show you our illustrated price-list.” “Yew,” pas the lawyer, his face turning ash-en with ri “That's a Hie way to address a man,” “Cal yourself'‘a.man,’ do you? Wi: you Kk as if youd just come out of a nursery. Moutre, daly aisprig, anyhow.”” Well, sprigs. can shoot, you know,” retorted Mea “Do you twig?” tter ‘try it,” said the lawyer, “Yd just déaf, «: Your bark don’t scare me,” ing man made a bough, “That's he'réplied. ‘*1-was only joking, any- But. you “don’t want’ any trees to-day < Good: day, then,” said. the agent. ‘I've got to‘go now, but. misple call again to-morrow.” forever. A BARBER4 OUS SUGGESTION. ‘LAgAR;”’saida. gentleman up at the Club the*othér evening, ‘hear that there is‘no doubt that. Blaine is going for Hayes’s scalp.” “Yot don't really think so, do you?” said é.other, <1 do, indeéd;” remarked the first speaker, then; the ‘President. would easily —re- ‘what, pray?” AK, with a Southern Whig.’! LGretse'a a darling’secret;~ ~Which,no’one, no one kn6ws; Like dew-inthe heatt of a tose. a5 pore And Clear as a dew-drop, less and delicate too; ~ . Should the sun‘of-jour eyes flash upon ity 7 Ttwould color ard fiysh through, ant through, -Lkeép it still sheltered afar; ‘Vhave ‘owned that’ love you, my: darling, Bur Vhave net said—twho you are. Meu R. Coguitn,