Life — September 28, 1928 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

DUNLOP ° ce 9 Blaved by more sollens go" i anv dikes THE IMPORTED BLACK DUNLOP LIFE SUGGESTIONS TO OUR CANDIDATE To Wirt Rocers, Ese. Dear Witt: When I first picked up the news that you were a candidate for the Presi- dency on the “Anti-Bunk” ticket, I was frightened. I understood it to be the “Anti-Bunker” party, which led me to believe you were out to take all the exer- cise away from the game of golf. However, now that I realize the new party has the first truly solid foundation, I'm out to help you win. Now, here is a suggestion which should be of material help in bringing out the Anti-Bunk votes. The Ad Men's Post No. 209 of the American Legion, New York City, is sponsoring a race by two of its members from New York to Washington—one riding an elephant, the other a donkey (he sure will be a jackass if he tries to go through Bill Vare’s Pennsylvania). They are doing it so as to bring out the vote of the people. Now, Will—you know the Democrats think that the race will inspire the war veterans to vote for Al because he is go- ing to give them back their liquor—that is, so they can buy their liquor from the U.S. Treasury Department direct. The Republicans, however, know that the race will bring the soldier vote out for Hoover because the Democrats took the liquor away from them in the first place. Either way, it’s a lot of bunk, Will, be- cause they get their liquor anyway, which, if brought to the veterans’ attention, would naturally throw the votes to the Anti-Bunk party. My idea is to bring this fact, and others which I'll tell you about later, to the veterans’ attention. How? Make the airplane the symbol of the new party and enter it in the Ad Post Race, We could afford to be big-hearted in the matter, and even start twenty min- utes after the others. Should the jackass drop a shoe, or the elephant lose his trunk, we could jump back to New York for new supplies for the opposition (if any). At meal times, Will, you and I could jump out to the Middle West, buy a bale of hay, a little wheat, and some oats, to bring back for the elephant’s and donk’s repast. Our buying from the farmer ought to give us the Farm Vote hands down. They are not looking for promises. Promises won't pay the taxes. They want action—business; and while the other arties are fishing for suckers in the farm Finds, we'll just go out and get the votes. Now about financing our trip! We'll just sell these provisions to the elephant and donk. By making them the goats we get our publicly free. And if it takes the elephant and his little playmate half as long as we think it will, we'll show enough profit to start our 1932 campai i In making: hese suggestions and of. ing my services, I am entirely wi thou re of self. You know ae wae All I would want would be to have appoint me Ambassador to the Court of St. James’, with a few extra allowances, or Secretary of the Treasury, with head quarters in New York (someone has stay here while Jimmy Walker tours the world). Yours for bigger, better, and faster party symbols. Jacovrs M. Swau, New York, N. Y. P. S. Be sure to bring your lasso wih you so we can pick up Ohio and any other doubtful states as we fly over. (Nore: Mr. Swaab was formerly Cap tain Swaab, Flight Commander of the 22d Pursuit Squadron with the A. E. F. Officially credited with having destroyed ten enemy planes in action, he won th Distinguished Service Cross, and th Aero Club of America medal, and wa; cited ten times in General Orders. His suggestion of the airplane as the emblen of the Anti-Bunk Party is a good ore. Hitherto the emblem has been a cow pony, which was Our Candidate's favorite means of conveyance in the old days.) ROGERS AND BENCHLEY To te Eprtor or Lire. Sir: I'm working on a survey party “way up here in the woods, and Lure, a a Lydia Pinkham indorser would say, has been a great boon to me. I've watched Will Rogers’ campaign with a great deal of interest, as well 3 grins, and have a suggestion to make. Of course, you realize that your candidate s handicapped by not having a Running Mate. But the position is a hard one fill. Whose picture would look well along: side that of Mr. Rogers ? The answer is so close to you that you have allowed it to escape your obser tion. Editors of Lire, I nominate Rober Benchley for the Vice-Presidency of te United “States on the Bunkless ticket! Mr. Benchley’s searching research work in American History is known the world over. He is already on the staff of Lirt so you could probably persuade him write campaign speeches for nothing. Then, too, you must remember that be would be the Savior of His Party in uae ing two great factions—those who sp it “wouldent” and those who spell # “wouldn't.” The intelligents: despairing of the efficacy of “wouldn't, would rly to the Bunkless standard, while the moh bunked by “wouldent” (I know wi knows better), would vote the straight Bunkless ticket. Benchley for Vice-Pree dent! Whoopee! W. B. H. Castanp, WasH. comicbooks.com pe ee ae eT er ea Ee