Life — July 19, 1928 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ple put out their good dough behind the footlights, when A lot of peo to sce you they could have seen you several years ago for nothing. ##*The street car company has been cir- culating some rather cute slogans among their employees. One of them is, “It is better to have three mothers-in-law than one accident.” ah A very prominent bootlegger was seen downtown the other day driving a brand- new car, the second within two months. That's proof of how good business is in Birmingham. ***Johnny Mack Brown, an Alabama boy, in the movies and making a big suc- cess, was in New York the other week. Did you buy a copy of the Age-Herald to read about the home folks, Johnny? ***Emil Barnes, who plays baseball with the Washington baseball team, will be married by the time this reaches you. He married the daughter of Katherine Tol- son, of Birmingham. In spite of the fact that we dislike weddings because of the sadness of them, we can’t help but con- gratulate Emil. Robert H. Brown. Portland, Ore. Exc V. Hauser returned from Japan recently, where he had been touring, and the first thing that met him at the depot was a mayoralty boom, which he stepped upon firmly but decisively. ***Chicf of Police Jenkins has been con- ducting the annual pre-election house- ckaning to the great temporary incon- venience of those involved. ***Senator Charles L. McNary is home from Washington, renewing his acquaint- ance with the boys in these parts. By the way, Mac, what ever happened to that law of yours? ***Brig. Gen. George A. White has had the national guard down at Camp Clatsop for some time, demonstrating the hypo- thetical problems of war and also proving that food will win even a hypothetical war, ***Many California tourists have been passing through lately, giving us an op- portunity to show ‘em that we have “‘very unusual weather” up here, too. Dean Collins. Fatiier: Madge, is that young man ever going home? Davouter: We've been talking that over and we've decided that it all depends upon you. Manacer: Hooray, I've signed you to fight young Biffo! Ficnter: Young BiffoP Ya won't get me into no fight with him! I hate that guy! Rejected “Coutp you spare a poor man a bite to eat, mum?” “Why don’t you go to work? Surely you must know some trade.” “T've been a steeplejack, a sign painter and a parachute jumper. Also a sailor—” Tue Traver “Why did you stop peddling aluminum ware?” “Every darn woman I tried to sell wanted me to let her write my experiences.” “Were you ever shipwrecked?” “Many a time. Also a sandwich man, a plumber, a structural-steel worker, a tightrope walker, and a book agent.” “I suppose you've been kicked out of many places?” “Many! Madam, I've been kicked out of every place.” “Indeed!” “Yes. Then I've been an automobile salesman, a trafic cop, a human fly, a bootlegger and a Prohibition agent.” “A jack-of-all-trades, you might say.” “No, mum, a cartoonist’s model.” Bill Sykes. Only 99% Perfect Her hair is adorably cut, Her lips hint mysterious blisses, She's teasable, squeezable, but She opens her eyes when she kisses! My heart on beholding her burned, 1 murmured in rapture: “Oh, this is The girl of my dreams!" Then I learned She opens her eyes when she kisses! Our wooing, our cooing is through— To my name she'll never add “Mrs.” Farewell to this damosel who Must open her eyes when she kisses! Arthur L. Lippmann. Sayvincs of Mussolini — “The Italics are mine.” comicbooks.com