Life — July 12, 1928 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Our Foolis How they looked at an ankle in 1908. INTO A NOSE DIVE Cuivoren are nothing if not up-to-date in these days. There was a sudden cry from the garden, where baby was playing. ‘Mother, Gerald's crashed!"* shouted his older brother. —Daily News and Westminster Gazette. “Pa, what is influence?’ “Influence is what you think you have until you try to use it.""—Texas Ranger. i “First Come, First Served!" —Harvaro Lampoon. IF SME EVER READS A PROMINENT efficiency expert announces that one reads to onesclf approximately twice as fast as one talks to others and there is a woman in this neighborhood who we'll bet could read two averaged-sized mystery stories in the course of an evening without skipping a word. —Ohio State Journal. OUR COMPLEX MODERN SOCIAL LIFE Prarson-Scanota Correspondence in the Paulsbo, Wash., Herald: **Carl Luttinen and wife, also Howard Johnson and wife, were week end visi- tors at their respective homes."* —Detroit Free Press. We asked an ex-Navy man whether he thought sailors should be called gobs. ‘Why not?"” he said. ‘They ‘are gobs, ain't they?” —Spokane Spokesman-Review. LIFE “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” YEARS BLANK WITH HARDSHIP “‘Is it true you used to sell beer in a New York saloon?" I once asked John Masefield. I did not believe it, because of all the drama- tists I have ever met, Masefield is the most self- effacing and quiet. “No, it is not true,"’ Masefield replied. ‘I never reached that dignity. I used to swab the floor.""—Hannen Swatfer, in Variety. “Bring me a Samovar and some tea,”—Sub- title ina Russian film, Yes, and bring me a cow and some milk. —Chicago Evening Post. al 1 How they view the whole leg in 1938. —L'ESQUELLA bE LA Torratxa (BARCELONA). ANOTHER VERSION Assent-minvep Dentist (to Ais car, as filling- station employee inserts the hose into the gas tank): Now breathe deeply.—Louisville Times. Frower garden statistic: Four out of five have spiraca.—New York World, ontemporaries The Blacksmith Out of Work Becomes @ Shoe Clerk —Séxorcsxisse-Sraix (Stockttota), TOO PRACTICAL Srvpents of an English class in an Indianapuls college were asked to make out a list of subes for compositions which they would like to writ. One girl submitted the following: “‘One Woe- derful Hour,"* ‘The Happiest Moment of My Life,’ **My Ideal Man,"* ‘‘Moonlight.”* “But I am not satisfied with this list,” she told the class after reading her suggestion, “Somehow everything I think of scems so—e practical.""—Indianapolis News. A DOG'S LIFE A Cutanvre ice cream manufacturer advertind that he would give a cone free to every boy whe called at the plant and brought along his dog One dog was reported near collapse afte assisting all the boys in one neighborhood obtain their cones.—Topeka Journal. LET IT STAND "His face was lined with anxiety. He was mcr ried."—Weekly Paper. Tins is a misprint for either married or wer: ried—the same thing, anyhow. —Humorist (London). “Is China really at war?”* “Not on the first page." —Louisville Courier-Journal. + § Saf Sa “'P'r'aps it wants another flint, mister.” —Lonoon CALLine. comicbooks.com